Sincerely Yours
by SONNOC
Summary: It's been seventeen years and all we do is talk, you know everything about me and I you but for some reason I still can't find a way to tell you just how in love I am with you. Taking a risk to say how you feel, no longer hiding behind pages. On their ann
1. Ever Heard of Email

**A/N: Well it's been exactly one month since I finished my last story and well regardless of how insanely school smothers me I still find the urge to write another Spashley fic, along with the persuasion of someone. You know who you are. I plan on updating once a week. That's the plan and I shall try my best to stick with it. Reviews are always enjoyable for any writer if you enjoy the read we like to know so please don't hesitate to say how these chapters make you feel, what you like, what you don't like etc. So enough chatter enjoy the chapter! **

**Disclaimer: Except the idea and original characters I own nothing. Spencer and Ashley do not belong to me but if they did...*sighs***

* * *

**Ever Heard of Email?**

_Dear Penguin, _

_ Can you believe it's been seventeen years? I can't wait to see you next week. Things have been extremely hectic. I'll be travelling all week but should be back in the states in time for our meet up…_

"You still write those things?"

Ashley puts her pen down looking over to her partner. She scoffs as she readjusts in her chair. The airplane seat is starting to become a bit uncomfortable after twelve hours. The twenty five year old photographer looks at her friend and assistant of three years.

"Why wouldn't I still be writing these things? I've been writing these things since I was eight." Ashley emphasizes 'these things' with an attitude more than a little insulted as she stares at her assistant who cowers in his seat.

Chase scratches his brow as he thinks of something clever to say in a form of an apology. He brushes his fingers through the bangs of his brown hair that falls in the middle of his forehead. His shaggy mane moving as he shakes his head.

"I don't mean it that way. I'm just saying it's been how long and you still only see her once a year?"

Chase pushes his laptop further onto the small table looking away from his work of organizing the pictures Ashley had taken on their job in the Philippines.

The brunette just shrugs as she looks down at her first of many pages. Her gaze drifts towards the upper right hand corner of the paper grazing her thumb over the set of numbers. This is letter seven hundred and twenty six, she can't believe she's written so many letters as well as been on the receiving end of the same amount. She still remembers getting her first letter from her pen pal. She knows exactly where it is in her apartment back in Boston. The one she never stays in, her job making her travel more often than not.

A class project from second grade became a weekly custom that Ashley and Spencer have yet to find trivial. In fact the pages became longer as years pass. Best friends through words. Though their schedules were hectic they make sure to see each other on the same day, same place every year. Every other time it is just through snail mail in a speedy society and sporadic phone calls.

"It's our thing we're both busy but we don't trade that day for anything. She's my best friend and we love how we communicate."

"I don't know how you do it." Chase comments as he stretches his long, lanky arms above his head.

"Well you don't have to." She retorts pulling his arms down trying to avoid the sweat stains under her friend's arms grimacing in disgust.

He blushes and folds his arms over a chest. "You try being on a plane for twelve hours and not sweating."

"I already am because I use deodorant. Now stop bugging me I've got to concentrate."

"Wouldn't it be easier if you just used email it's faster, more efficient."

"It's also impersonal and less intimate."

"Intimate huh?" Chase wiggles his eyebrows and Ashley flicks him on the side of the face.

"Your face is hideous enough you don't need to make it worse with facial expressions."

He laughs dryly rubbing the small red area on his cheek. "Ashley all I'm saying is I see how you are with women and this is your longest relationship with another woman ever."

"That's because Spencer and I are just friends." She forces her eyes to stare hard into Chase's green ones. She notices them roll and she grits her teeth annoyed. She hates when he brings this up.

"Except you're in love with her. When are you going to tell her?"

"Uh never. She's straight so what's the point? Also with the way the magazine has me travelling there's no way to maintain a relationship."

"Yeah and she's a surgeon that lives in the operating room so it's not like either of you have this massive amount of free time but yet you still find a way to communicate with each other. You guys have better communication than couples that see each other every day."

Ashley shrugs nonchalantly and looks out the small window. She rests her head against her seat releasing a heavy sigh. She feels Chase's eyes on her then their absence as he goes back to work leaving the topic exactly where it always ends up whenever they discuss the letter writing.

The photographer rubs her tired eyes as she adjusts the overhead light and pulls one of Spencer's letters out of her bag and reads it again for the umpteenth time. Reading once is never enough.

_Dear Otter,_

_ Welcome to my week of hell. I just started my first forty eight hours of internship in the hospital and I think I'm going to die. Seriously don't tell me I'm being dramatic because well I'm not. My resident scares me. I think she's a vampire her carnivore teeth are a little too big if you ask me. There's this one girl trying to talk to me and I look at her like uh I already have a best friend. I don't think she's catching the hint. Or maybe I'm not doing the look right make sure to remind me to have you teach me again. I know you said I have to make friends but I don't want to I just wish you were here. Is it June fifth yet? Anyway yeah my resident is a complete witch, a vampire yeti witch. Yes she is I don't care what you say and take the smirk off your face that I know you have on. I was really hoping this would be like Grey's Anatomy from season three on but nope exactly like season one. The first episode every single day. Good thing I like to run because my resident is like Flojo and hard to keep up with. I have this patient that keeps flirting with me I'd be extremely flattered if he wasn't in his eighties. He tried to convince me he was Hugh Hefner and I probably would've believed him if he wasn't Asian. _

_ The cafeteria food is deplorable. I'm really starting to feel for the patients. I can't complain about the tapioca pudding though. Ever notice how fun it is to say pudding? Say it. Come on say it. Ha! I bet you said it more than once and ended up laughing. I miss your laugh. I miss a lot of things about you. I think you should move back even if you are never home at least the times that you are we can be closer to each other. I know I'm being a baby but I need you Otter. When I have my melt downs only writing you helps. Imagine what you actually being here would do. Is it because of my cooties that you don't want to see me for more than one day? How many times do I have to tell you that I've gotten my shots and I'm completely cured?! _

_ So how's…Veronica? Victoria? Valerie!? Does it even start with a V? Anyway whatever letter of the alphabet her name starts with how is she? Is she treating you right? She better or she will succumb to my wrath. Nobody wants to see that. I broke it off with James you think I'd feel bad but I don't he was way too clingy and didn't understand my ambition. I don't think anyone understands my ambition the way you do. He just didn't feel right I'm starting to think I'm going to be one of those spinsters with cats. Except I hate cats. Is there some sort of rule that it has to be cats? Can I have a dog, or like a duckling. I've always wanted a duckling ever since that movie "Fly Away Home". See what you can do about that mini plane that girl had just in case I have to be their leader for any migration flights. With all the planes you've been on I'm sure you know how to build one by now. By the way I love my postcard from Venice and of course I'd go on a gondola ride with you even if they are for lovers. We make our own rules in our relationship and I'm pretty sure those guys just want money so it's not like they are going to say we can't go on the boat. _

_ Where are you off to now? I saw your latest work. I swear you are the best photographer ever. The way you capture the most beautiful scenes and bring them to life makes my heart stop every time I see something you took. It's almost as bad as every time I see you, nothing works me up than knowing you're on your way. It sucks that we have to wait so long before seeing each other. I won't make you feel bad, I promise. Maybe this year you can stay longer than a day? Yes I know I'm clingy just call me James. Love you Otter. _

_ Sincerely yours,_

_ Penguin. _

Ashley smiles she reads the letter over again. It is an old one from September. Reading the letters more than once is an activity they both indulge in. The brunette completely smitten over Spencer since she could remember the blonde sometimes made suggestions of her feelings for Ashley but has yet to say anything straight out. Ashley keeps her feelings in check, she is at the cusp of her career and a relationship isn't something she has time for at the moment. She also doesn't think it fair to put their seventeen year old friendship on the line. She rather have Spencer as her best friend than nothing at all.

She writes her response letter to the most recent one that Spencer sent, smiling at all the appropriate places. She is behind by three letters in response. Their letters never match up equally with all the places Ashley travels to. She periodically makes a pit stop to her Boston apartment to pick up all the letters that have come while she is out of town. She rubs the back of her strained neck and starts her letter.

The photographer and her assistant shake their legs out as they walk through the loading bridge. Ashley adjusts her camera on her shoulder pulling her carryon behind her. Once in the terminal she drops her bag carefully onto the seats that line in front of the terminal and pulls her cell phone from her back pocket. Checking the time she yawns obnoxiously and stretches cracking her back.

She sits down crossing her feet at the ankles leaning over burying her head in her lap. She feels her seat move a little as Chase drops next to her. He rubs her back soothingly and she sighs in comfort. The action more than welcomed but no one comforts her better than Spencer.

The duo sits waiting in Detroit Metro Airport during an hour layover before their last destination. They spent several hours traveling from Manila, to Tokyo, and now they sit in Detroit waiting for a flight to Montreal. Ashley's newest assignment is to head into Canada's booming province taking photos of the town's most trendy restaurants and unique food for a human interest piece that her boss assigned her before she left the Philippines.

She checks her phone again the light slightly blinding as it illuminates the small bit of darkness her face is hidden in as she rests her head in the small space between her arms and lap. She groans impatiently and quickly sits up.

"She'll call relax."

"I'm not worried."

"Mhm." Chase mumbles unconvinced as he points further down the terminal and says something along the lines of 'coffee'. Ashley assumes that's what he says as she stares at the dark screen on her phone.

Her heart pounds as the seconds pass by then it quickly lurches as she sees Spencer's face with her tongue sticking out and 'Penguin' written at the top of the screen. Ashley answers the call and bites her lip excitedly.

"Otter." Spencer greets in a groggy voice.

Ashley's flight one of the first to arrive in the airport that day meant that Spencer is still asleep but manages to wake up for a call they've both planned for several weeks. The brunette has been out of the country for the past three months and this one hour is all they have until their hectic schedule envelops them. Requiring them to rely on their favorite form of communication, their letters.

Ashley's stomach warms at the sound of the blonde's voice and she forces the feeling away so she can manage a conversation with her pen pal.

"Penguin." She whispers but excitement still evident.

She can hear Spencer's smile which makes her smile. It breaks wider as Spencer giggles.

"Otter you got to say something in order for this to be a conversation."

"I missed you." Shoots out of her mouth and though she is sure that the woman that is three hours behind misses her too but she can't help feel that it may not be in the same way.

"I missed you more. I can't wait to see you."

"Right back at you Penguin."

"You're staying more than a day this time right?"

Ashley can hear the inflection in the surgeon's tone and she sighs sadly.

"Penguin…"Ashley whines.

"Otter…" Spencer matches her tone.

"I can't I'm sorry. Plus I mean you'll be on call the whole time so what if there's an emergency?"

There is silence on both ends of the line. "Well at least we have the one day."

The anticipation for the day once a joy now it doesn't seem to be enough. A day they both look forward to so much also holds a sense of dread because they know it will only be that one day. Not once in the past seventeen years have they spent more than that one day together. Their busy lives always a nuisance from them being together but they always cherish June fifth.

Ashley swallows the lump in her throat as she tries to shake off the sadness in her heart. "Yeah at least we have that."

Ashley can hear Spencer readjusting herself on her bed to a more comfortable position and she closes her eyes as she imagines lying right next to her. Pulling her close and burying her face in her neck, kissing softly.

"Ashley!"

"Huh?"

Spencer giggles and the brunette can imagine that she is shaking her head at her lack of attention.

"I asked you how your trip was. Tell me about it."

Slouches down in the chair and begins to regale her love of her three months of travel. Jumping between three continents snapping away at landscapes, animals, and the people of the small part of earth that she was sent to. She loves her job the only crappy part about is that times when she is free Spencer isn't and vice versa.

Ashley smiles at all the questions Spencer has for her about all the places she has been. The blonde hasn't been able to travel as much as her confidant. She has lived in Monterey, California her whole life. The only time she left was for medical school and even then she was still in the states. Ashley was out of the country more than she was in the states for the past seven years of her life.

They kept the conversation light wanting to keep all the deep conversations for when the saw each other. Spencer sighs as she realizes how much time has passed. The voice of the flight attendant rings through the terminal and the brunette pouts sadly.

"You got to go huh?"

"Yeah it's about that time."

The both linger and Ashley sees Chase coming towards her, never realizing he has been gone this whole time. It's always like that when she's with Spencer no one else exists. He hands his boss a coffee and she smiles gratefully.

"Alright I'll talk to you soon okay?" Ashley stands up getting her things ready. She walks with Chase as they stand in line to board their last flight. She hears the blonde whimper.

"Spence I'm sorry. I tried okay I really wish I could."

"I know I just wish you actually managed some actual time here."

Ashley's heart constricts as she hands the stewardess her boarding pass and passport.

"We can't have this conversation every year penguin."

They walk into the tunnel, Ashley ignoring the curious look Chase is giving her.

"I know but I mean we can't keep ignoring it either."

"We'll talk about when I see you next week."

Ashley imagines the blonde pouting, good thing she doesn't actually see it because she knows full well that is her ultimate weakness. She enters the plane and sits in her designated seat. She hands her things to Chase so he can put them in the over head compartment as she tries to leave her pen pal in a better mood.

"You always say that."

"I know but I get so excited to see you I don't want to talk about anything that will make us sad. Let's just see how we do when I see you okay?"

"Fine." Spencer mumbles out petulantly and Ashley would love nothing more than to kiss the blonde and her pout away. "See you next week."

With reluctant goodbyes Ashley finally hangs up the phone then quickly puts a hand over Chase's mouth.

"Don't say a word."

He just raises his eyebrows as she can feel his lips moving as he slides them into his mouth to form a thin line. She nods once then settles in her extra large seat. Quietly sipping her coffee she tries her best not to look at her friend. He only stares harder.

"What Chase?"

"You didn't tell her?"

"No because I'm not staying more than one day."

"Ashley for the first time ever you've got two weeks off and no place to be. Why didn't you say anything? She obviously wants to you around and you obviously want to be around."

"That's the thing I don't. I can't handle no more than a day. It hurts too much. Plus she only wants me there longer for one thing. One dreaded freaking thing I refuse to do."

"What's that?"

"Meet her fiancé."

* * *

Short for the first chapter just want to get a feel of what you think of the idea, let me know thanks for reading!


	2. It's Not Just A Letter

Wow thank you so much for all these amazing reviews seriously you guys have no idea how extremely giddy you've made me and I enjoyed reading your words as much as you enjoy reading mine. Thanks so much for the love and i send it right back.

Special thanks to keepxmexawake for going over my work and for all the stories of the Philippines and giving me the info, much appreciated. I know how much work it can be and I find it enjoyable so I hope you did as well.

Thanks again so much for reading and reviewing, hope you enjoy!

* * *

**It's Not Just a Letter**

"Babe do we have any more milk?" Scott looks above the top of the open fridge door looking at Spencer expectantly.

"Do you see a carton of milk in the fridge?" A smirk accompanies her question as she stares at her beau with narrow eyes as a smile plays on his lips.

He answers with a 'no' and the first year surgeon only lifts her shoulders and winks at him.

"Then I guess we don't have any more milk." She stands at the counter rifling through mail and squeals a little as she sees a letter from Ashley.

The amount of stamps that has affixed the envelope is always something that warmed the blonde's heart. No matter where Ashley is she always sends a letter. It has been like that since they were eight years old and she is glad that feeling hasn't left. She opens the thick envelope with excitement and begins to read the page. She erupts in laughter at the first line and she doesn't notice the wide eyes she receives from her fiancé.

Even though she got off the phone with brunette a few hours ago Spencer acts as if she were hearing from Ashley for the first time. She smiles as she reads the words on the page. Imagining the tone of her pen pal's voice, the facial expressions she wore, and the sounds she would make whenever she feels emotional.

The blonde is in such a trance as she reads her weekly note she doesn't feel the set of arms wrap around her waist. Captivated by everything Ashley has to tell her she doesn't feel the chin that's lightly resting on her shoulder. Her eyes snap open as she hears a chuckle in her ears and she jumps out of the man's embrace holding the letter to her chest.

"What are you doing?" She questions, mild disdain lacing her voice.

Scott is taken aback as he scratches his scruffy five o'clock shadow and searches for words to a circumstance that he felt self explanatory.

"I was reading your letter."

That is the wrong answer as Spencer's brows furrow in anger.

"No. You can't do that it's not yours to read."

"I thought we share things." He states a little confused as to what's happening and the quick mood change in his future wife.

"Yes we share everything except this." Spencer folds up the letter neatly. The same way she removed it from the envelope and waves it a little. She feels the wave is necessary just in case Scott doesn't know what she is referring to.

"It's just a letter Spence."

That is the wrong thing to say as Spencer grits her teeth.

"No it's not. It's just a letter to you because you don't know what it is, what it means. It's not your business to know. "

"Not my business? Spencer we're getting married you can't keep stuff like this from me!"

Scott crosses his arms as he tries to come off as adamant. The surgeon quirks her brow staring at her fiancé.

"Scott listen, if there was something for you to worry about with these letters then I'd let you know but they are for my eyes only. You have nothing to worry about."

She knows how to work her boyfriend of eight months, fiancé for the past two. No one thought to question the pace of their relationship everyone who saw them together can see that they obviously were crazy for each other. Their doting eyes, the gentle kisses, soft lingering smiles the perfect equation for a loving couple, many people thought them lucky and wished them the best.

Scott sighs and drops his shoulders. He pouts a little and Spencer goes on the balls of her feet and stretches up to kiss it away.

"I didn't come off as tough at all did I?" He asks and the blonde shakes her head no.

He just chuckles then nods placing a kiss atop her head. She smiles up at him her blue eyes look into his grey ones. He wraps his arms around her and pulls her close.

"I promise I won't read your letters again." She just nods once and holds back the biting remark that is percolating in her mind. As if he has a choice. "I love you."

Spencer gives him a reassuring smile. "Me too."

Scott's smile falters a little but he has gotten used to Spencer's rendition of 'I love you'. She feels like its such a big word that you can't toss it around all the time. Scott accepts that she says it when she feels it's necessary. 'Me too' is good enough for the man and kisses her again and gently smacks her butt.

"Gotta get going babe can't be late."

She looks at the time and curses under her breath . Quickly pushing herself away from Scott she grabs her messenger bag, carefully placing Ashley's letter under the flap and saying a quick goodbye as she heads out of the door.

She smoothly straddles her neon green and black Ninja 300 resting her helmet on her head. She bites her bottom lip in anticipation not being able to wait any longer to read Ashley's letter. Once she knows a new one is near it's all she can think about. Spencer carefully removes the letter from her messenger bag and unfolds it. She sighs as she closes her eyes trying to forget the fact that Scott tried to read it moments before. No, this is an exciting moment and one mistake of her fiancé will not take this away from her.

Pursing her lips the surgeon blows a steady stream of breath before she delves into her favorite person's words. She is running a few minutes late but there is always time for Ashley.

_My Dearest Penguin, _

_ How art thou? I'm feeling quite Victorian today. Speaking as if I were an Elizabethan and such and such and hither thither, and I'm done. I totally just named two different eras didn't I? I'm jetlag, I'm tired so cut me some slack chick, alright? So I'm exhausted and I'm hot! Not like I'm hot in looks (which I am) but hot in body temperature. No seriously like it's hotter than Satan's ass in the ninth circle of Dante's Inferno during a heat wave in the middle of an active volcano. I'm saved by a slight breeze every so often but no it's stupid hot here. Chase and I have only arrived yesterday and I'm pretty sure I've already sweated off five pounds. Fine, fine I'm moving on. _

_So I know you're excited cause you'll be seeing a super hot brunette in less than a month and being in California after this crazy heat I'll most likely be wearing mittens and one of those hats with the flaps over the ears. So how about I actually talk about the Philippines and not just about how hot it is here. First of all the people, freaking amazing, they are the sweetest group of people you will ever meet. They are so friendly, I've been invited into five different homes for food the first time I was a little cautious but the second home Chase just went waltzing in. After the long flight we had free food did sound amazing. Well free anything is amazing but free food is the absolute best, and the food here is delicious. _

_I have a shoot tomorrow. I am in Palawan shooting this festival called Santacruzan further down you will read about it since our letters are written throughout the week. It's funny no matter how long we make these things it never feels like enough. I write page after page, slip the pages into the envelope, lick the disgusting glue that I'd only lick for you, put a stamp on it and then realize I forgot to tell you something. There's never enough time is there Spence?_

_All this traveling and all your insane hours at the hospital and all we have is one day. It doesn't seem fair does it? I know a lot of it is my fault because I have to fly away so much believe me if I could I'd stay put with you. One day I'm sure I'll see you daily and I eagerly look forward to it. I miss you Penguin, I put in a request for some time off during our anniversary no word back yet but once I know you'll be the first to know. _

_Well day three and I've decided that I'm whisking you away to this beautiful island. I know you won't argue with me because my smirk is hypnotizing and you'll follow me anywhere. I'd follow you anywhere. Anyway the flowers in this festival are amazing, every color you can imagine. Dresses, arches, crowns were all made of flowers. There was a beauty pageant as well and they definitely stay true to the word 'beauty' because these women… Exotic, sexy, and jaw dropping and I think I may snag one of these contestant because my goodness. Let's just say I'm glad to be here for three weeks to enjoy this side of the world. If you know what I mean…which I'm sure you do it's redundant to say that but sometimes the cliché is necessary. _

_There are tons of hidden lagoons here, I'm getting some great footage and once I finalize the shots to send to the magazine I'll give you my favorites as usual. I would get great footage of you here under some waterfalls, the water is so clear. I wish there were better words to describe what I'm seeing it's like when someone asks me to describe you. Words just aren't enough it's something you have to experience. I'll make sure to bring you here one day. That's place what… one thousand that I'm taking you. We need to figure out a way to make it happen Penguin. _

_Sorry for all the wrinkles in the paper that's sweat dripping onto the page. No seriously it's that hot here. I warned you. Love you Penguin and see you soon._

_Sincerely Yours,_

_Otter_

Spencer releases a sigh of relief as she reads the end of the letter. As if she were getting a fix of a drug she went without for far too long. Her eyes dance over the part where Ashley mentions hooking up with one of the beauty pageant contestants. She chews the inside of her bottom lip as she pictures Ashley ogling beautiful women and her heart pangs a bit. She chalks up to the fact that she's sad that Ashley doesn't have someone to settle down with. Someone that loves her, the brunette can be so stubborn she ignores Spencer's argument to this claim every time they speak. The blonde pulls her helmet down checking to make sure it is fastened well. She places the letter back in her messenger bag, tossing it to rest on her back she grips the throttle and speeds down the street. 

California Pacific Medical Center usually a half hour drive for a normal driver is done in half the time by the blonde as she rides her motorcycle into the lot. She dismounts her bike with ease and pulls her helmet from her head shaking her hair out. She hears a cat call and smirks at her friend.

"Good morning Sammie."

The red head gives her coworker a cheeky smile, wrapping her arm around Spencer's shoulder as they walk towards the hospital.

"Good morning love, how are you this delightful morning."

Spencer squints her eyes as she stares at her friend curiously. She rolls her eyes momentarily after as she realizes the reason for her friend's good mood.

"You got laid last night."

Sammie just blows on her nails and buffs them against her chest smarmily.

"What can I say Spencer the ladies love me."

Spencer chuckles as she opens the door leaving it open for her friend to enter. She wouldn't disagree Samantha is charming and quite the looker. The red head's features extremely appealing with her blue eyes and barely there freckles on her nose, a smirk that can make anyone blush. Spencer having fallen victim herself but Ashley's smirks always makes Spencer blush, makes her stomach flip along with make her knees go momentarily weak. There's no comparison.

"I'm sure they do, too bad you don't love them back." She reminds with a pop of her brows.

The first year surgeon tuts crossing her arms like a child. Spencer shakes her head as she internally questions what is with everyone this morning pulling a tantrum.

"You had to go there didn't you?"

She just shrugs as they enter the elevator. "I'm just saying Sam that you're a great girl you should find someone that wants more than just a one night stand with them."

That seems to be the theme running through Spencer's head as she remembers Ashley's letter.

"Ah but I did you're just getting married." She jokes adding a small pout making the blonde laugh. "Spence I don't want anything more than one night stands it gets messy and I don't do emotional. Things are easier this way."

And that is always the answer that Ashley gives to said theme. Spencer internally chuckles as she thinks that Samantha and Ashley would hit it off based on their appeal to noncommittal relationships. She swallows the idea down as she feels sick at the thought. She averts her attention back to Samantha and her liaisons with her one night stands.

"They're also lonelier."

"I'm not lonely. Are you?" Sammie asks with a quirked brow and Spencer stares at her with a side eye glance.

"If I were lonely I wouldn't be getting married."

The elevator jerks to a stop and Sammie is the first to exit the elevator. She walks backwards to continue her conversation with her friend from their first day. Easily maneuvering through the halls she constantly runs through she stares at the blonde blankly.

"Just because you're getting married doesn't mean you're not lonely."

"Oh really and what makes you think I'm lonely?"

"Cause you keep saying I am and you my dear are just projecting."

Spencer scoffs as she adjusts her messenger bag on her shoulder. "That's crap Sam, sorry I care."

Samantha opens up the door to the locker room and gets shoulder checked by the blonde. She groans grabbing the offended area.

"Geez grump calm down. Did you not get a letter from Ashley this week or something?"

Spencer glares at her friend as she walks into the locker room.

"You're an ass Sammie."

The woman stares at the blonde studying her face, she knows that look and she's only seen it once before.

"Come on Spence it's only a letter I'm sure it's just the post office running late again."

"I got a letter from Ashley and it's not just a letter and I'm not alone so drop it."

Samantha twists her face up a little. "You pregnant?" Spencer grits her teeth shaking her head with little frustration and slight humor building as she continues to look at her friend's face.

Spencer's silence causes the red head's eyes to widen. She leans closer to her the blonde whispering.

"Spence are you serious?"

The blonde erupts in laughter shaking her head. "No I'm not pregnant."

"Bipolar then because you changed moods way too quickly."

Spencer pouts then turns around. "Scott tried to read my letter this morning and I don't know I felt kind of violated."

Spencer walks away towards her locker and begins to change into her scrubs. Sammie's locker next to hers, she mirrors Spencer's routine.

"I mean I know it shouldn't bug me but it does and the feeling hasn't quite gone away."

"What's the big deal I mean it's just a…" Samantha stops quickly at the look the blonde is giving her. "…a way to get closer to you."

She saves herself and breathes a sigh of relief, she passes the Spencer storm that was headed her way.

"It's not just a letter its…it's my breath of fresh air. Do you get that?"

Samantha shakes her head no and Spencer sighs pulling her top over her head.

"Those letters are like having Ashley right beside me and I never see her. So they are her for me and him trying to read them was like getting to know a part of me that's not for him."

Sammie's brows crease as she looks at her associate. "Spence shouldn't you be giving him all of you if you're getting married I mean that is marriage you can't go into it with parts of yourself hidden from your future husband."

Spencer knows this to be true but this one thing she refuses to share. Ashley is hers and these letters were their secrets, their passions, their promises, and the love they have for each other. That's no one's business but Spencer's.

She slams her locker shut and adjusts her under shirt and scrubs to align comfortably. The red head places her hands on both the blonde's shoulders.

"Spencer do you have any secrets from Ashley?"

Spencer doesn't miss a beat as she answers. "No."

Samantha pats her friend's cheek softly. "You don't see anything wrong with that? She knows everything about you while Scott is still in the dark about stuff?"

Again Spencer is quick to answer. "No. He's not in the dark about anything. This is just my thing. Am I not allowed to have things?"

"How eloquent an argument."

"I hate your whole face."

Sammie just shrugs with a sly smile. "You can have things Spence. No one is saying you can't I'm just pointing out the difference between Ashley and Scott."

"Well that's simple I'm in love with one and I just love the other."

The red head watches as Spencer adjusts the stethoscope around her neck. Her hands on her hips she just watches the smirk dance across her face. She huffs, angrily pulling her long wavy hair into a high ponytail.

"What's with the smirk ass?"

Sam chuckles as she sits on the bench to tie her sneakers. She mumbles out a 'nothing' and shakes her head. She feels blue eyes on her consequently causing her to turn her head to the side so she can look at her frustrated friend.

She drops her head clasping her hands together. Her lips form into a thin line as she faces the blonde. She stands quickly never taking her eyes away from Spencer's.

"I was smirking because you're in love with one and just love the other."

The silence in the locker room is no longer as the rest of the crew files in. Spencer pulls her bottom lip into her mouth as she examines the woman in front of her.

"What are you implying?"

"Carlin!" The blonde cringes as she hears her resident shout her name. She peers from around Samantha and looks at the tall, pale woman sporting a quirked brow. "I'm sorry did you need me to say more in order to make you move?"

Spencer just shakes her head and quickly walks around her friend as she tries to figure out what Sammie saw in her words that she can't.

"Finnegan!"

Samantha quickly dashes next to Spencer and salutes her resident. Spencer tries to hide her smirk looking down at her sneakers.

The miniature woman glares at the sassy red head, putting her free hand on her hip while the other holds onto a clip board. Sammie clears her throat and lets her hand drop down to her side.

"You two are on my service today."

They both smiled softly because even though their resident is scary she's the best and they love being on her service. They quickly follow the woman out of the locker room and hold a whispered conversation.

"So are you still having your meeting with Ashley next week?"

"Definitely, we haven't missed a date in seventeen years."

"I can't believe it's only that one day out of a whole year."

Spencer looks away from her coworker and she gets over that fact. The idea always harder to contemplate each time she thought of it. She clears her throat as the sadness tries to envelop her very being.

"Yeah well her job makes her travel so much that it's hard for her to get away."

"Still I mean you girls are best friends, what kind of best friends only see each other once a year."

They both halt behind their resident as they wait for the elevator doors to open. Spencer slips her hands into the pockets of her white coat as Ashley's words loop in her head. _'There's never enough time is there Spence?'_. She closes her eyes as the absence of her best friend consumes her heart. Internally answering the rhetorical question with no there isn't.

* * *

So let me know what you think, how you feel, what you liked, what you didn't...thank so much for reading all reviews are welcomed.


	3. Dear So and So

**A/N: Hey thanks so much for these awesome reviews. They seriously fuel my enthusiasm to write this fic. I'm happy you all are enjoying reading it as much as I do writing it. The story is a bit complex with what I have planned for it so hopefully I don't lose any of you. I know you guys are wondering about the nick names they will be explained and they too have a meaning. Thanks for the continued support and taking the time to read this and I hope you like this chapter. Enjoy and thanks again for reading.**

* * *

**Dear So and So**

"Okay class can anyone tell me what a pen pal is?"

The second grade teacher looks at her group of seven and eight year old students as they hold bewildered gazes. She smiles as a small plump hand eagerly shoots up into the air. Ms. Hersham points at the child and waits for an answer.

"Is it a pen with friends?"

A loud 'pft' interrupts the teacher's chance to gently tell her student that the answer is wrong but creative. Blue eyes fall onto the little brunette with a stern stare. She dismisses the nonverbal warning as she looks at her classmate.

"That's stupid. What kind of pen needs friends?"

Her eyes squint in disbelief at the young boy as she gives him her best 'that's dumb' face.

"Ashley." Ms. Hersham warns. Ashley turns her focus on her teacher and softly shrugs.

"Well they don't." Her sheepish counter causes the teacher to firmly place her hands on her hips, tilting her head sporting a soft yet forceful look only an elementary school teacher can have.

"We don't call other people stupid and we don't use language like that in the classroom."

"You just did." She points out daringly. "And I didn't call him stupid I said the stuff he said was stupid."

"Do I have to call your mother?" The teacher threatens.

Ashley sighs and lets her head hang low. Her curly brown hair covers her face. She makes it gently move as she shakes her head no.

"Good. Now apologize to Virgil."

Brown eyes squint again darting in Virgil's direction. His smug smile for her forced apology made Ashley clench her little fist. She hates apologizing when she never does anything wrong. She mumbles out a gruff sorry and Ms. Hersham nods once turning around explaining what a pen pal is. Ashley sticks out her tongue at Virgil and his mouth drops in shock. She smirks, proud of herself as she turns her attention away from her foe and onto her teacher.

"We are going to be writing letters with another second grade class in another town and at the end of the school year we are going to meet them on our field trip to the Monterey Bay Aquarium."

The classroom fills with shrill cheers of excitement at the reveal of their end of the year trip. Ashley bounces in her seat as she thinks of all the cool pictures she'll be able to take at the aquarium. She faces her desk buddy Parker, who's as excited as she, and they share a low five in excitement.

"Alright in this fish bowl are the names of all the other students at the other school. One at a time each of you will pick a name and then we will spend time writing them whatever you want. Tell them about yourself and ask them questions."

"Can I tell them about my hamster?" Virgil asks with his hand raised not waiting to be called upon.

A little Ashley rolls her eyes and shakes her head making Parker snicker.

"Yes Virgil you can tell your pen pal anything you want."

"Don't tell them about your pen having friends." Ashley mumbles loud enough for only the boy next to her hear and Parker drops his head in his arms that lay on his desk laughing as quietly as he can. She puts her little hand in front of her mouth stifling her giggle as Virgil crosses his arms in that childlike manner. Grabbing his upper arms opposed to intertwining them across his chest.

Ms. Hersham demonstrates on the chalkboard how to write a letter. The word 'Dear' is on the first line on the left and the sign off at the bottom right. She turns back to her group of kids.

"Does anyone know what goes at the end of the letter?"

Everyone shouts out different answers. Love, from, hugs and kisses, she chortles at all their responses.

"Those are all great answers class but when we write a letter for the first time we would put the word 'Sincerely' and when you get to know them better than you can put all those great choices."

Ms. Hersham picks up the glass bowl resting it against her stomach. "Everyone form a single file line in front of me."

All the children hastily scramble from their seats. The sound of desks and chairs scratching against the floor irks the older woman's ear drums. The kids gently push each other to get a good spot in line.

"Carefully." Hersham raises her voice to get her demand across and the small children quickly stop their actions and stand still. "Thank you." She offers softly and a few of the kids giggle embarrassed.

She lowers the bowl to allow the first student to grab a name. They each quickly plunge their small hand fishing out a piece of paper in hopes of grabbing a name of the same gender. Girls for girls and boys for boys since each one were still known for having cooties.

Ashley is up next and she looks at her teacher bashfully. Ms. Hersham winks at the tiny brunette causing her to break into a nose crinkling smile. Ashley Davies certainly did have a sass about her and she is true to herself never holding back what she's thinking. Teachers don't admit to having a favorite student but for Ms. Hersham, Ashley is hers.

Ashley takes out a white piece of paper and bounces happily back to her desk, her Power Ranger sneakers lighting up at the bottom with every step. She lands in her seat roughly making it slide back a little, she scoots it in and quickly unfolds the small paper to reveal the name.

"Did you get a boy or a girl?" Parker asks as her sits back next to her.

"I got a boy." She answers with little sense of disappointment. She sees her friend's face quickly beam with joy.

"I've got a girl want to switch?"

Ashley shakes her head no her brown her tossing around at the motion. Parker tuts and pouts.

"Why not? You're a girl you should write to a girl."

"That's a dumb rule you just made up I can write to whoever I want."

Parker sighs. "I don't want to write to a girl."

Ashley pushes her little mouth close to her left cheek as she thinks of a way to help out her friend. She notices Virgil walking back to his desk his paper still folded. She squints her eyes as she conspires.

"Hey Virgil!" The little boy looks warily at Ashley knowing full well that she is up to no good.

"What?" He asks defensively.

"It's your turn to feed the class fishies today if you don't do it now they'll die and it'll be all your fault."

Virgil's eyes widen in horror and he drops the paper with his pen pal's name on it onto his desk rushing towards the tank at the other side of the classroom. Ashley smirks and points to Virgil silently ordering Parker to keep a look out. The little boy nods as he watches Virgil while Ashley reaches over and opens the paper to inspect the name. Her brows rise a little in interest as she reads a name a bit uncommon to her. It sounds like a boy's name, she quickly grabs Parker's girl pen pal and switches it with Virgil's. She then switches her pen pal with Parker's newly heisted one and the little boy looks away from Virgil and down at the paper glad to have a boy's name.

He thanks his friend as he reads the name 'Mark' and he looks over to her. "What's your pen pal's name?"

"Spencer." She says excitedly at the cool sounding name. Parker agrees that the name is rather cool. They share another low five as Virgil walks back to his desk unaware of the small con the two just performed.

"I saved the fishies." He states proudly and Ashley smirks paying no attention to the teacher's pet.

Ms. Hersham hands out pieces of loose leaf paper to the class so they can commence with their letters. She softly plays some classical music fully believing in the wonders of the genre developing young minds and leaves them to their activities.

Ashley sticks the tip of her tongue in the corner of her mouth as she writes the letter. Her small hand is splayed out at the top keeping the paper in place as she carefully writes.

_Dear Spencer, _

_ You have a cool name. It's cool like my daddy's name. His name is Raife. I am seven years old and I'm going to be eight in forty six days. My birthday is on Halloween so I get to have candy, presents, and a birthday party. My favorite candy is Skittles but my mom says that I can't eat lots of them cause I'll get holes in my teeth. I eat them anyways. What's your favorite candy? How old are you and is your birthday soon too?_

_I like to take pictures. My mommy got me a pink camera. I don't like pink. I asked for a new one for my birthday. When my camera stops taking pictures I have to take it to the store. I have to wait one whole hour to get them back. That's a really long time. Then the man behind the counter gives me all the pictures I took. He told me that magic makes the pictures and I said that he was wrong because you have to do stuff to the film to get pictures. I told him that I hope he wasn't the one doing my pictures if he was using magic he might mess them up. When I get them back there are so many, maybe like a thousand. What do you like to do? My teacher says that I have to ask questions but I don't like when people ask a bajillion questions so I won't ask you a bajillion questions. I don't have nothing else to say so bye._

_ Sincerely,_

_ Ashley_

Ashley raises her hand wiggling her little fingers. Ms. Hersham smirks as she watches her student eagerly try to get her attention.

"Yes Ashley?"

"Ms. Hersham I finished my letter, what do I do now?"

The teacher holds up a white envelope and Ashley pushes her chair back scurrying towards the front of the classroom.. She leans over the front of the desk reaching her arm to grab the envelope. The tiny brunette snatches the envelope from Ms. Hersham's hand flashing another one of her trademark smiles.

"Thank you." She says with a tiny voice. She backs away slowly but stops as she curiously looks at her teacher. She turns the white envelope between her fingers and walks back to the front of the big desk.

Ms. Hersham looks at her student her eyebrows raised as she waits for the little girl to speak.

"Ms. Hersham how long is the pen pal thing for?"

"Well we are going to send letters back and forth until our field trip but if you make good friends with your pen pal then you can talk for as long as you want."

Her brown eyes dart away from her teacher's eyes. "What if my pen pal doesn't like me?"

Her voice went quiet and shy and Ms. Hersham jerked her head silently telling her favorite student to come around the desk. Ashley shuffles to her teacher and the older woman leans on her knees and looks into shy brown eyes. She calls out her name softly and the brunette looks up.

"You are the brightest, funniest, bravest, most charming little girl I've ever met and your classmates love you."

"Virgil doesn't." She mumbles with a smirk.

"Even Virgil. I think you and your pen pal will get along great as long as you're yourself that's all anyone can ask of you. That's all that's expected of you okay?"

Ashley nods her tiny head then smiles quickly rushing back to her desk. She drops in her seat and notices as the rest of class finish up their letters and rush to Ms. Hersham's desk collecting their envelopes.

Ashley carefully folds her letter in threes and slips it inside. She writes Spencer's name on the front and flips it around. She holds up the flap and sticks out her little tongue to lick the glue on the back. Once finished she quickly contorts her face in disgust. She smacks her lips in attempt to get rid the foul taste from her mouth.

"This glue taste gross." She comments and Parker just nods in agreement as he finishes licking the envelope he just received.

"I like it." Virgil comments happily, closing up his letter. Ashley and Parker share a look and the brunette shakes her head and mumbles out.

"Weirdo."

Parker cracks up along with the brunette and they tell each other what they wrote about in their letters. The class finishes their day with their letters and a review of the newest chapter in their social studies textbook. The end of the school day is announced once the bell rings, children flood out of the building with cheers for the weekend. Ashley runs towards the row of cars and leaps into her father's arms with excitement.

"Daddy!"

"Snapshot!" Raife hugs his little girl tightly placing a kiss atop her head.

He stands up shifting his daughter's weight as he carries her to the car. She wraps her arms and legs around her father's side to get a better hold of him.

"Guess what we did today in school daddy!"

Raife scrunches his face playfully while he thinks. "You built a rocket ship!"

He uses a free hand and slowly stretches it towards the sky making the sounds of a rocket blasting off. Ashley giggles reaching for her dad's hand and pulls it down.

"No silly we did something called a pen pal."

Raife's brows rise in interest. "You don't say."

He opens the car door letting his daughter leap from his arms into the back seat. She buckles herself in and waits for her father to get into the driver's seat. Once the man buckles himself in and settles, Ashley picks up right where she left off.

"I do say and my pen pal's name is Spencer."

"That's a cool name." Raife states looking into the rear view mirror taking a glance seeing his little girl nod excitedly. He chuckles at his pride and joy.

"That's what I said. I said your name is cool like my daddy's name!"

He quickly turns his head to show his mouth drop in faux shock. "You think I have a cool name?!"

"Yeah!"

"Thanks snapshot!" Ashley smiles widely and gives her dad a thumbs up. "You have a cool name too!"

"Nu uh"

"Yuh huh, it's cool cause mommy let me name you."

Ashley's brown eyes widened in shock her mouth forming a small 'O' and gasps softly. Her voice whispers out in astonishment.

"That is cool."

Raife just nods in agreement and listens to his daughter talk about her day. He laughs as she tells him how she tricked Virgil so she could switch names. He marvels at his daughter's ability to get what she wants, though he doesn't always condone her tactics he internally admits that she's pretty good at it.

"You know you're not supposed to take other people's things though right honey?"

Ashley sighs obnoxiously. "Yes daddy I know but Spencer is a person and people don't belong to other people." Raife nods slowly as he looks at his daughter with pride. "Plus I'm going to be a better pen pal for Spencer than Virgil or Parker."

She gives a confident nod as her father smirks.

"You sure about that?" He asks chuckling softly.

"Absolutely." She answers cheerfully and looks out the window as her father drives home.

Several minutes later Raife pulls up into the driveway as soon as he pulls into a full stop Ashley jumps out off the car. She runs towards the house, through the front door dropping her book bag in front of it. Once she's inside she shouts for her mother.

"In here sweetie."

Ashley follows the sound of her mother's voice to the kitchen and opens up the large fridge door pulling out a CapriSun juice. Fruit punch to be exact the little eight year old wouldn't drink any other flavor. She holds the pouch in her mouth as she climbs onto the barstool then sits comfortably before piercing the juice pouch with the yellow straw. She smiles with the straw still in her mouth as her mom places a pack of Dunkaroos in front of her and leans on the counter to talk with her daughter. The tiny brunette flinches as she hears her father groan and call out her name.

"Ashley Davies." He says sternly.

She smiles sheepishly at her mother and calls over her shoulder. "Sorry daddy."

He grunts an acknowledgment as he drops her Spiderman back pack onto the island. Giving his wife a kiss he looks down at his daughter. She holds a chocolate dipped dunkaroo up for him to eat and he smiles biting the cookie out from her hand. She squeals in delight and snatches her hand back to safety.

"Don't think I don't know what you're doing young lady, trying to bribe me with cookies so you don't get in trouble."

He points a warning finger at his daughter. She sips quietly on her drink avoiding eye contact with her father.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." She wraps her mouth around the straw again trying not to smile. Christine giggles as Raife's attempt at parenting is easily dismissed with a cookie

Raife ruffles his daughter's hair then disappears out of the kitchen. Her eyes widen with realization as she remembers that she hasn't told her mother of her day yet. The older woman listens attentively as her daughter talks.

"Your daddy used to write me letters."

"He did?" Ashley asks as if finding out a groundbreaking discovery.

"Yes he did and he used to end every letter with 'Sincerely Yours' so that way I would know that I will always be his."

"But mommy you can't be daddy's you're a person and people don't belong to other people."

Ashley thinks of the argument that she gave her father after he said that she was not to take things that didn't belong to her. She is sure the argument would work this time.

"Well that's true sweetie but my heart, my love, and my affection belong to daddy. So I belong to him and he belongs to me. I don't own him like you own your camera. Does that make sense?"

"No."She says quickly and blankly.

Christine erupts into laughter and cups her daughter's chin.

"You will when you're older. Just make sure that when you write 'Sincerely Yours' to a person you mean it okay?"

"Okay." Ashley gives a firm nod and smoothly jumps down from the bar-stool leaving her mother, and her finished snack behind as she thinks about what to write next in her letter to her new pen pal Spencer.

* * *

Let me know what you think...thanks again!


	4. PostScript

**Well it's that time again. Thank you all so much for your reviews it seriously fuels me to write more and faster I really wish that I could update more frequently but as of right now once a week is all I can manage. I enjoy writing this and I'm enjoying this new adventure that I'm taking our favorite girls on it's developing in ways that I hope you all are satisfied with it's pace and development. I know you're itching for them to be see each other already don't worry when it gets there it'll be worth the wait I promise. Also the nicknames will most definitely be explained in due time. Special thanks to my beta for ripping through this so quickly, much appreciated. Enjoy and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!**

* * *

**PostScript**

"David, Becca, Gina, Mark, Emily."

Mrs. Epp calls the first set of students as she lays out their letters across the medium-sized coffee table she keeps in her classroom. She smiles as they rush towards the front of the room excitedly grabbing their respective envelopes. Once the kids go back to their desk she reads the next set of names placing each of them on the coffee table.

"Jason, Nicole, Spencer, Zara, Danielle."

The kids run up to the coffee table and clamber over each other to grab their white envelopes with their name on it. Mrs. Epp looks down at the only envelope left on the table and she sighs, shaking her head softly.

"Spencer." Her tone soft and inviting and a little seven year old Spencer looks up from her science book her face clearly not interested in what her teacher has to say.

"Yes?"

The teacher smirks at her student. The little girl was a bit of a trouble maker and her mind more advanced than her classmates. She made a mental note to suggest to the principal for her student to skip a grade next year.

"Don't you want to come up and get your letter?"

"Do I have to?" She asks unenthusiastically. Spencer's attention is a difficult one to hold. Her interests are set on certain things and if a new topic didn't grab Spencer she will easily let it get away from her.

"Well you don't have to but your pen pal worked really hard to write you this letter the least you can do is write back don't you think?"

Spencer sighs turning in her seat and moving down the row. Her red Chucks sliding across the tile floor. She gets to the carpeted area and lazily drops her hand onto the envelope with her name and trudges back to her seat. Mrs. Epp smiles at her unenergetic student then calls out the next set of children to come up.

Spencer drops in her seat and blows out a puff of air blowing her unruly bangs away from her forehead. She opens up the envelope and pulls the neatly folded letter from its compartment and reads it.

Her eyes narrow as she reads the first line. She can't help the small smile that breaks across her face when she reads Ashley's compliment in reference to her name. Her eyes slowly scan each word as she expects to only read the letter once. She reaches the end of her letter and takes a sheet of paper from her binder. She closes the rings of her binder, her body tense as she tries not to get her fingers caught by the circular metal clasps. The springs are unpredictable so they make the task dangerous. Spencer can't just rip out the pages from the notebook like the rest of her classmates. That would tear the paper, ruining the three perfect circles that line the side of it.

No, Spencer needs things to be neat and in order. She is very organized, while her desk buddy's desk has papers and other odd objects oozing out of it Spencer's continues to stay neat all year round. Her text books lining horizontally on the left side in the order of her class schedule and the corresponding notebook on the right. Spencer looks down at her blank piece of paper and starts on her letter.

_Dear Ashley,_

_Thank you for saying I have a cool name. Your Daddy's name is cool too. I am seven years old too but my birthday isn't until summer. That's really cool that your birthday is on Halloween. My favorite candy is Starbursts but only the red and pink ones, the orange and yellow ones taste gross. I like to ride my bike around my neighborhood. I go super fast, there's a really big hill by my house I ride down it with no hands. My brother taught me how, he's bigger than me. Do you have any brothers or sisters?_

Spencer stops and drops her head back staring at the ceiling. The room is quiet as she hears pages turn and soft chatter between her classmates. Her eyes are closed then they open as she feels a looming presence nearby. She peeks one eye open and slides her lips into her mouth shyly, forming it into a thin line.

"Hello there Mrs. Epp."

"Spencer aren't you going to finish your letter?"

"I wrote the rest in invisible ink." She answers with a smile.

"How will your pen pal read it if you write with invisible ink?"

Small shoulders lift slightly and her teacher bends down to eye level and places a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Talk to me Spencer."

"I don't have anything to say to the pen pal."

"Did she ask you questions?" Spencer just nods. "You have nothing to tell her." Mrs. Epp's brow arches as she looks at her student curiously. Spencer sighs, the girl knew plenty of things that she could tell her pen pal she just wants to be certain that no one else will read her letter.

"Spencer only your pen pal will see your letter. I will not read it okay?"

Spencer looks her teacher straight in the eyes to see if there is any false truth to her teacher's declaration. She sees none then nods once then settles back in front her of paper. She watches as her teacher walks around the classroom to check on everyone. Spencer knows that she has a hard time paying attention to certain things as well as people. She gets bored very quickly and her parents tell her it's because her mind works fast and if the topic is too slow or forced she won't bother to pay attention.

Ashley's letter interests her though. She likes how truthful the girl is especially when she thinks about the part in the letter when her pen pal told off the guy at the one hour photo. She didn't know anyone brave enough to speak to an adult like that and Spencer thought it was cool. She picks up her pen and continues with her letter.

_Thanks for not asking lots of questions. I don't like it when people ask me lots of stuff either. My teacher says you're only one allowed to read this letter so don't let no one see this but you okay? I'm about to tell you some top secret stuff. I like to pull pranks. I'm really good at it. Last week I took a bunch of crickets from my brother's pet iguana and let them loose in class and they chirped for three days. Then another time I bought a bunch of stink bombs, snuck in during recess and taped them under everyone's chair. After I taped them I set them of so they could explode. When everyone came back the whole classroom smelled bad but I didn't smell nothing because I took one of my mommy's doctor masks and wore it while everyone else had to use their t-shirts. It was really funny. I want to be a doctor like my mommy when I grow up. What do you want to be when you grow up? That's cool that you take pictures. What do you take pictures of? School's almost finished and I have a prank for today that I want to do so I have to leave now._

_ Sincerely,_

_ Spencer_

Spencer rereads her letter and realizes she wants to add something to her letter but being the neat person that she is there's no room before her 'Sincerely' to write it. She raises her hand and once called upon she raises her concern to her teacher.

"When writing a letter and you want to add something after the sign off you can go on the line under your name on the left side of the page and write the letters 'P.S."

She demonstrates the task on the board and Spencer absorbs the information.

"What's that stand for?" She asks curiously, needing to know the foundation of everything that she learns.

"That stands for postscript."

She nods once in understanding then goes back to finish her letter.

_P.S. I think you have a cool name too and I think you're funny. I don't think lots of people are funny. I think lots of people are boring but you're not. Bye._

Spencer finishes her letter and puts it in the envelope that the teacher had passed out earlier. She puts Ashley's name on the envelope and hands her letter in. She holds onto the envelope and her teacher smiles as both their hands remain on the letter.

"No one but your pen pal."

Spencer nods and as she walks away Mrs. Epp calls out to her. She quickly turns around and gives the teacher a smirk. The teacher knows.

"What are you up to?"

Spencer shifts her bottom lip up and shrugs then turns around. She sits in her desk and opens up her science text book again as Mrs. Epp instructs the class after they finished their letters. Spencer slips her hand in the small space between her books and pulls out a small remote with two buttons on it. Once Mrs. Epp turns to write on the board she holds the tiny remote and presses the first button then quickly hides remote.

The classroom radio blasts music through the air causing the teacher to jump and the class to shriek in surprise. Mrs. Epp grabs her chest in horror and rushes over to shut off the radio. She checks the stereo and makes sure it's turned off properly. She glances around the room and looks at the tiny blonde who looks at her blankly. The look isn't fooling the teacher though. She knows that Spencer is responsible she just has to figure out how. Though she has not pinned any previous pranks on the blonde Spencer is the only student in her class with enough gall to pull off something like this.

The class settles down after the interruption and Mrs. Epp goes back to her subject of mammals. With her back to the class as she writes on the board Spencer takes the opportunity to lift the remote into range again and presses the second button. The television in the corner of the room turns on. The class giggles as Mrs. Epp tuts and glares at the blonde.

"Spencer."

Spencer drops her mouth open in shock and holds her hands up making sure to leave the remote in the desk.

"It's not me! I'm all the way over here how could I turn on the television and the radio without leaving my chair?"

Her argument flawless since Mrs. Epp is completely unaware of the tiny remote that Spencer took from home. An old clapper sans clap now equipped with remote. The jingle 'clap on, clap off, clap on, clap off, the clapper' is now redundant as Spencer controls the television and radio with two buttons. Not needing to clap keeps her in the" innocent until proven guilty" standard as she uses the ten year old device to get a good chuckle.

The base is plugged into the same outlet as the appliances and the remote controls which appliance turns on and off. A couple of test runs the night before and with Spencer taking advantage of the teacher's momentary discussion with her mother for the last prank she was possibly responsible for gave her a chance to plug in the base. She returned the wires back in the proper location before Mrs. Epp noticed anything.

The teacher grabs the remote and tries to shut off the television. There is no response. Spencer also had a chance to snag the batteries and hide them in a nearby plant. Mrs. Epp groans as she grabs her yard stick and reaches to turn off the television. It is hoisted in the corner near the ceiling to give a fair view for everyone in the room but it's out of reach for a teacher under the five foot. She then sighs once it turns off and goes to put the yard stick back. Spencer presses the button again and it turns back on. The program Sesame Street is playing and the kids cheer in excitement then groan as Mrs. Epp turns it off.

They all erupt in laughter as it turns back on before she can even move the yard stick away from the power button. The Count is on the screen singing happily with bats as he counts to twenty by fives.

"Spencer Carlin!"

"Is innocent." She shouts with a large smile.

Mrs. Epp turns to shut off the television again and holds the power button this time making it difficult for it to turn on again.

"Are you really going to hold your arm up like that until the end of the day?" Spencer asks curiously.

"Yeah Mrs. Epp won't your arm get tired?" Another student asks making the rest of the class giggle along with Spencer.

Mrs. Epp shakes her head as she accepts the fact that she's been outsmarted by a seven year old. Not just any seven year old but Spencer Carlin, who is probably the biggest trouble maker in her class but also clever enough never to get caught. She releases the power button and stands for a few seconds waiting for it to turn back on. Nothing happens and she sighs in relief. She heads back to the board and starts to write on the board. She closes her eyes in defeat as she hears a familiar song.

"C is for cookie that's good enough for me."

Mrs. Epp drops her arm and leans her forehead against the chalk board. The class sings along with Cookie Monster, the type of singing where it's just shouting and she turns from the board and instructs them to close their books. She reluctantly decides that they'll finish the rest of the day with Sesame Street. She's sure that they didn't hear her as they dance along with the puppet on the television and sing along.

"C is for cookie that's good enough for me. Oh cookie, cookie, cookie starts with C!"

Spencer laughs at her classmates and quickly joins them. She catches her teacher's gaze and gives her a large toothy smile. Mrs. Epp shakes her head and she thinks to herself 'well played Spencer'. Mrs. Epp sits at her desk as her students watch the show for the last half hour of the day while she gets the pen pal letters ready to send out with tomorrow's mail.

Spencer reaches home later in the day and climbs onto the counter to get a can of Chef Boyardee Ravioli her favorite.

"Hey stupid."

"Your face is stupid." She says quickly not needing to look out from inside the cabinet to know her brother just walked into the room.

His reply never comes as his little sister gets the one- up on him every time. She smiles at his silence and she jumps down with ease. Arthur comes into the kitchen, his presence ceasing any more jabs.

"Dad, Spencer said my face is stupid." Glen whines. He never ceases to amaze his sister about how much of a tattle tale he was, especially when he always starts it.

"Only 'cause it is." She says as she hands the can of food to her dad to heat up. He looks at his daughter.

"Spencer, apologize to your brother."

Her little eyes squint up at her dad and his warm gaze does nothing to change her task at hand. She stretches her hand out to emphasize that she would like for him to make her ravioli. He takes the can and points to his son. She sighs and looks at Glen.

"I'm sorry you have a stupid face."

"Hey!"

Arthur just chuckles and Glen hits his sister leaving before she can retaliate. It's no matter she'll pull something on him later. She watches as Arthur grabs a saucepan from the bottom cabinet and opens up the canned food.

"You're going to spoil your dinner hun."

"I'm hungry now dad besides we always have to wait for mommy to come home and she always takes so long. Do you want me to starve to death?"

He shakes his head at his dramatic child and heats up the food.

"So what did you do at school today?"

Spencer thinks back and decides not to tell her father about the prank she pulled. Then her mind goes to the pen pal as she remembers telling Ashley about it. She realizes that Ashley is the only person she's ever told about her pranks mostly because she knows her classmates would tell if she shared that information with anyone else. Glen would tell her parents. It was her own little secret and it felt good to finally share it with someone. Thinking about the letter made her want to go and read it again which is unusual since she's used to only reading things once. Once she learns information it sticks with her and there's no excitement reading the same thing over again. This time though the thrill of reading what Ashley wrote is even more than the first time she read it in school. She can't wait until she gets another one.

"Earth to tough stuff."

Spencer looks up at her dad, she had zoned out thinking of the brunette's words. "Tough stuff" is what he calls her as she is known to handle herself. Having an older brother she wrestles, plays sports and rides her bike recklessly and every time she got hurt she got over it quickly. Scrapes, bruises, and being teased makes Spencer the tough little girl that she is. She is only soft with one person and she looks up at him with a smile as he puts the now warm ravioli in a small bowl.

He places it on the breakfast table and lifts her onto the chair. The action unnecessary but extremely welcomed as her dad sits her down and takes a seat of his own.

"So tough stuff…school?"

Spencer blows on a ravioli and nods too busy happily chewing to answer. Once done she answers her father knowing he'll just keep asking until she gives him a real answer.

"School was good. We wrote to pen pals today. My pen pal said I have a cool name. Then we did some science and we got to watch Sesame Street."

"I wonder why." He says as he stares at his daughter warily. She just shrugs.

"The teacher couldn't keep the television off." She smirks softly then quickly shoves the pseudo pasta into her mouth before her father can catch the gesture.

They have small talk about her school work as she finishes her food. Once done Spencer drags her backpack up the stairs and into her room. She quickly rifles through her bag dismissing her homework for the moment and opens up Ashley's letter. She sits on the floor and reads it again. Giggling as she reads the funny parts. Once she's done she goes into her closet and grabs the box that usually holds her red Converse. She decides to place it in the box for safe keeping until she can ask her mother to bring her to a craft store so she can get a box specifically for her letters from Ashley.

She closes the box and gets her books ready to do her homework. She sets up all the necessary books in the order she plans on doing her assignments. Once she settles down in her seat she takes her pen and starts to write on the page. She nibbles her lip as she turns in her chair and looks at box she left on the floor.

"Just one more time." She says as she pushes her chair out and sits on her knees opening the box to read the letter.

She reads the letter three more times throughout the rest of the night and one last time before she goes to bed.

* * *

What's the consensus?


	5. Estimated Arrival

A/N: Thanks everyone for the really amazing reveiws. I'm elated with every one that I read it means a lot that you enjoy the story so much. Things will start picking up real soon, thanks for sticking with me and I hope you enjoy the chapter.

A special thanks to my beta keepxmexawake for working so hard on this and putting up with my shenanigans. You're a trooper. Thank you.

Thanks so much for reading and enjoy!

* * *

**Estimated Arrival**

"Alright let's finish this up before we lose the light." Ashley calls out to the workers in the bakery before she walks back over to the rental car to change lenses. She stands in front of her assistant, Chase, as he takes the newly removed lens out of her hand and waits for instruction.

" Lensbaby please. I'm so over Canada"

She mumbles the latter tiredly.

"Composer, Muse, Control Freak or Scout and just why are you over Canada eh?"

Ashley stares at the man with furrowed brows as he snorts at his bad joke.

"Muse and what did I tell you about trying to be funny?"

Chase sighs obnoxiously as he carefully takes the lens out of the one of many camera bags they brought.

"Don't because I'm not." His voice is whiny as he places the lens in Ashley's open palm. She nods approving of his knowledge of the answer.

"So why are you over Canada?" He asks her.

The photographer just shrugs as she twists the lens into place and holds the camera up to her eye as she focuses it to her liking.

"Just ready to be home."

One brow rises on the face of her assistant causing her to glare at him. She bites the inside of her bottom lip as she crumbles under Chase's knowing eye. His gaze almost annoys her to the brink of confession. But she quickly shakes it off and stands akimbo.

"Stop looking at me like that or I'm going to fire you."

Her threat, used many times in the past, only makes Chase chuckle. She smacks him upside the head and stalks off back into the bakery. Ashley instructs one of the bakers to hold a basket of bread in the window. She exits again and orders Chase to adjust the reflector to get more light on the baked goods in the window. He does so obediently knowing full well that Ashley wouldn't fire him for bugging her about Spencer but she sure as hell will if he doesn't do his job properly, perfectly, and professionally.

Chase grabs the reflector and attracts the light directing it towards the window. He watches his boss with admiration while she flawlessly adjusts the lens. Her fingers move the rim around with ease. He smiles as she smiles with every shot she takes. The only time he's ever seen her smile bigger than when she takes pictures is when she's on the phone with Spencer. Being a freelance renowned photographer has its benefits such as working when you want to and being able to command your price.

Ashley gets hired by the biggest magazines and she never tells them she can't unless it's June fifth. That day always remains special and for the first time in the three years that Chase has worked with her she has never once said she's 'ready to be home'. This year is different and he knows why. He remembers the day she received the letter from Spencer announcing the engagement. That week they were in New Zealand taking underwater shots in the coastal reserves. Ashley didn't talk for days, only the one call to Spencer to wish her congratulations. As they were packing up to leave Chase went into Ashley's hotel room to grab the last of the equipment and noticed something he has never seen her do again. Throw away a letter from Spencer. It was as if throwing away the letter that told her the news was also throwing away the reality of it as well.

"Dumbass!"

Chase snaps his head up and blushes embarrassed as some of the bakers from inside giggle at him. He lowers the reflector and looks at Ashley.

"I've been calling you. Where's your head at?"

He just shrugs and puffs his lips out as Ashley softly pats his cheeks. Her assistant avoiding dark brown eyes as she scans his face. She has always been able to read her lanky friend. He looks straight at her to allow his boss to read his eyes. She sees that he wants her to talk about her going home statement. She's more restless at home than during travel.

She sighs and rubs her eyes annoyed. "Chase. What do you want me to do?"

"It's not what I want Ash."

Ashley shakes her head and walks past her assistant. She loves the guy like a brother but he does not let things go. She really wishes that he would this time. There's only so much she can handle when it comes to the topic of Spencer' being engaged. What can she do? Spencer isn't hers at least not the way Scott has her. If she's honest with herself she is way too scared to admit her feelings for the blonde. There is nothing more frightening then telling the love of your life that you love them only to find out that the feeling isn't mutual. She has hinted in the past but Spencer wasn't picking it up.

She walks into the bakery and thanks everyone for their cooperation and orders Chase to finish taking the equipment down. She glares at him angrily as he takes down the stands holding the lights. He rolls his eyes as he carries the equipment out of the bakery. They silently pack the car and Ashley gets in the passenger seat with a bag of pastries. Chase pulls the car away from the curb and heads back towards the hotel. She holds the bag open for Chase and he glances at her momentarily. He grips the steering wheel and sighs reluctantly dipping his hand into the white bag pulling out a crème-filled croissant.

"You always win me with food." He says with his mouth full of the flaky dessert.

Ashley smiles proud of herself taking a bite out of her own treat. "So what's your problem?"

"You're being dumb."

"You shouldn't talk to your boss like that." She says in a singsong manner. She pops her brows up once as she chews happily on the pastries the bakery gave her for free.

"We're off the clock. Right now we're family, so talk Davies."

The brunette's heart warms at Chase's declaration. He mentions this from time to time especially when he knows that it will get her to talk. She sighs dismissively as always to make it seem like she doesn't care that he considers her family.

"Chase honestly there's nothing to talk about. I'm just tired and I want to go home. I think my plants are dead."

She stares off into the distance as she thinks about the ficus in her bedroom probably with only three leaves left on it. She whips her head to the side as Chase snaps his fingers impatiently in front of her face. Ashley grabs them and wraps a tight fist quirking a brow at her friend.

"Do not snap your fingers at me. You will lose them." She threatens smoothly and he whimpers pulling his fingers out of her fist.

Shaking away the minor pain he looks at a frustrated brunette. He sighs and readjusts in his seat.

"I miss her. I really just want to get out of here and see her. She wants me to move to Monterey Bay so I've been thinking about moving the studio there. I didn't want to say anything to you yet because I'm not sure I want to do it anymore."

"You'd move all the way there for Spencer?"

She smiles as Spencer's face appears in her mind. She nods slowly not giving it a second thought.

"So you'd move across the country and settle down for a girl that's not yours?"

He flinches at the hard punch that comes in contact with his shoulder.

"This is why I don't tell you stuff." Ashley slouches in her seat and folds her arm over her chest.

"All I'm saying Ash is you're willing to do all of that and let her slip through your fingers while you brood about the fact that you're in the same state but she's not yours? Just tell her."

"What am I supposed to say?"

"Spencer I'm in love with you." The phrase leaves Chase's mouth easily and Ashley scoffs.

"It's not hard to say when you're not exactly in love with the person."

"I bet it's easier than keeping it from her."

She hates when he's right. Every time she sends a letter she has to fight the urge to let the ink bleed her secret. Whenever she saw the blonde the desire to kiss her grew stronger. Spencer's request of Ashley moving back to California has been in every letter for the last year. The idea became even more appealing when she read about the engagement in Spencer's letter two months ago. The decision to spend two weeks there was so Ashley can look at a couple of spaces to double as an apartment and office.

"I hate you for being so intuitive."

He gives her a cheeky smile as she rolls her eyes. She rests her head against the chair and looks out the window. He smiles as his hand slips into hers and gives it a gentle squeeze. A heavy sigh escapes her. Only six more days and she'll get to see Spencer. The thought usually brings so much joy this time she's never been more terrified because she knows if she doesn't say anything now. She'll lose Spencer forever.

"By the way, I'd follow you anywhere." Chase smiles sweetly and the brunette smirks.

"How very stalkerific of you."

He snorts out a laugh and Ashley quickly joins in.

Later that evening, Ashley finds herself lying in bed staring at the ceiling. Her mind racing as she plays scenarios in her head once she tells Spencer how she feels. She'll either be in love as well, run away, laugh, say nothing, throw up, jump in the shark tank, or not feel the same. Ashley knows a lot of the scenarios are highly unlikely. Most especially the shark tank, but only because the thought of diving with sharks is something the blonde would look forward to. Not see it as a means to avoid a situation. Ashley lulls her head to the side as her phone vibrates on the nightstand beside her. She grabs it and smiles at the picture of Spencer's face on the screen.

She clears her throat before answering the call to rid of any signs of fatigue. If Spencer finds out that Ashley is anywhere near sleep she'll spend twenty minutes apologizing and trying to end the conversation.

"Penguin?" Ashley says cautiously a little worried that something is wrong.

"Otter did I wake you?" Spencer's voice is quiet. Ashley can hear as Spencer moves about her apartment, dropping keys on the counter and rummaging through the fridge. She listens as Spencer pours a bowl of cereal. Ashley smiles at the blonde's habit.

"No you're good. I'm up."

"Promise?" Her voice is so timid it makes Ashley's heart melt. What she wouldn't give to hold the woman on the other line.

"I promise, now what's the matter?"

"What makes you think something is the matter maybe I just want to talk to you." Spencer finishes this statement shoveling a spoonful of cereal into her mouth.

Ashley can hear the crunch of breakfast food as the blonde chews eagerly. Turning onto her side and pulling the blankets a little higher up her body.

"You only eat cereal when something's bugging you."

She chuckles as the chewing abruptly stops then continues seconds later.

"You don't know my life!"

Ashley erupts in laughter, the blonde quickly joins in then has another spoon.

"So how bad is it? Lucky Charms bad or Frosted Flakes bad."

"Fruit Loops." Spencer answers with a sigh.

Ashley groans a little in understanding. "So bad day at work then?"

The brunette can hear Spencer placing the bowl down on a table and getting more comfortable on what she is assuming is the couch. Scott is no doubt asleep in the bedroom. The thought angers the photographer and she tries to focus her attention back on her surgeon.

"The whole day just sucked. First Scott tried to read my letter…"

Ashley quickly shouts a surprised 'what'.

"I know right! And it wouldn't stop bugging me all day and no one understands that our letters aren't just letters and to top off the already crappy day I lost a patient today."

"Spence I'm sorry."

"No I mean like I literally lost him for three hours I was running around the damn hospital searching for a teenage boy because he didn't want to undergo surgery and because I lost him I got kicked off the case."

"I'm so sorry Penguin but you usually think quickly on your feet what's going on with you?"

The line went quiet for a minute while. Just the sound of her breathing brings peace to the brunette's inner musings. Her silence lingers a little too long and Ashley coaxes her.

"Beautiful, talk to me."

The compliment exchanged several times before doesn't make the blonde reluctant to speak but makes her relinquish whatever she is holding inside.

"Ashley."

The brunette sits up in bed at the urgency in the blonde's voice.

"I miss you. I got your letter today and I read it nine times and each time I kept thinking about Scott reading it and it's like he was violating a part of me. He was violating us. My heart hurts. I need you here."

"Spence that's what Scott is there for."

Ashley tries not to smirk at the groan that erupts out of her best friend.

"Scott's Scott and you're you please do not act like it's the same thing."

"It's only six more days we can do it."

"Otter?" Spencer's voice turns whiny and the brunette breaks.

"Spence what do you want me to do?"

"Please come sooner I can't do this anymore. I miss you so much. I can't wait any longer. Can you?"

Ashley's heart pangs, she falls back onto the bed and closes her eyes tightly.

"Okay." Her voice quiet but Spencer hears the answer she was hoping for.

"Yeah?" Ashley can hear the excitement rising in the blonde.

"Yes. I'll finish up in Canada then stop home and then catch the next flight to you okay?"

The surgeon squeals making the brunette laugh lightly at being able to cheer her up.

"Same meeting place?"

"Like you have to ask. I'm so excited I can't wait for you to get here. I'll introduce you to Sammie you'll love her and my parents will be thrilled to see you and then Scott…"

All Ashley's excitement deflates at the mention of his name. She is no longer listening to the blonde's excited ramblings. Scott's name is the only thing buzzing through her ear at the moment. If Spencer wants to drive a stake through the photographer's heart that is the best way to do it. She forces herself to recover cutting Spencer's monologue.

"If I come sooner Spence you know it'll still be for one day right?"

Ashley closes her eyes at the lie. She knows that if she sees Spencer for one day it'll be just them with no interruption. Any longer and their utopia at the aquarium will be like the rest of the world. Problematic and miserable. She doesn't quite mind the introduction of Sammie or even seeing Spencer's parents, who over time has because like a second set of her own but Scott she will avoid as long as she can.

"Fine then we might as well just wait until the fifth. Don't want to break tradition now do we?"

The blonde's mood quickly changes and Ashley can't help the guilt that envelops her. She can taste the venom dripping from Spencer's voice.

"Penguin come on you know how busy I get."

"Yeah I know. God forbid you stay more than a day we might actually get to be together."

"You don't know how much I want to be with you." Ashley grits her teeth in annoyance.

"You're not acting like it. I'll let you go. I know it's late there. See you Saturday."

"Fine."

They both hang up in worse moods than when they started the call. It's just what they need to start off their visit, a disagreement looming over them. Ashley buries her face in her pillows and groans loudly. Being in love sucks. Rarely does anything ever go your way, you do things wrong when you don't actually mean to. You hurt feelings because you're too scared or selfish to get yours hurt and the only person that can make it better is the very person you piss off. Ashley reaches for her phone and expertly presses the call button on her phone without opening her eyes. The first ring barely finishes before she answers.

"I'm sorry."

"Me too." Ashley rushes out. "I want to be there Spencer I do please don't think I don't."

"I know I just…I need to feel you. The letters are great, I love them, it's our thing. It's just sometimes, more often than not I'd rather see you than a letter."

"I know."

"I love you Otter." Sadness laces the blonde's voice, Ashley's body gets heavy at being the cause. She can fix this with one answer.

"I love you too Penguin."

"Six more days?"

"Six more."

* * *

Thanks for reading...tell me what you thought...


	6. 3-5 Business Days

Here we are again it's Monday. I just have to say I have the best reviewers you guys the feedback has been amazing and i seriously thank you. It means more than you know than to get a response in general. I'm glad you guys take time to not only read but also review. I'm really happy that you've taken to this story, I know there are questions that are lingering and anticipations, things will be answered in due time. Anyway thank you again for reading and reviewing. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter please continue the momentum it adds fuel to the writing fire. Thank you to my beta for staying up late to get this back to me so quickly.

* * *

**3-5 Business Days**

Spencer tosses in bed again as she thinks of her conversation with Ashley only an hour ago. She sighs as she feels Scott wrap his arms around her waist. This gesture used to bring her some form of peace but now she really just wants to hear Ashley's voice again.

She gently removes his arm from around her waist and slips out of bed. She walks out of the bedroom. The apartment is quiet except the sound of her bare feet hitting the wooden floor as she goes into the smaller bedroom and sits down at her desk. She turns the desk lamp on and grabs a piece of paper and a pen. She starts off with her usual 'Dear Otter' then drops the pen on the paper and buries her fingers into her messy blonde hair. She doesn't know what's going on with her. She's usually extra finicky and clingy the week that Ashley is coming to town. They go through this every year but this year Spencer is extra restless. She wishes she could put her finger on it but nothing is making sense to her.

The surgeon pushes against her desk making the chair move back creating enough space for her to get out. She walks towards one of her office cabinets that are primarily used for letters from Ashley. The top half is reserved for the letters while the bottom half of the wooden piece of furniture has two deep drawers for filing. She opens up the doors and bites her lip as she looks at rows of narrow long boxes labeled with the years in front. She grabs the box marked with the year '04 and lays it on the floor. She sits against the cabinet and randomly picks out a letter from sixteen-year-old Ashley.

_Dear Penguin,_

_Well I'm grounded. Apparently I'm not allowed to blackmail my principal because he's trying to make the whole school wear uniforms. So I got a couple of shots of him wearing women's clothes and I'm not judging I'm just saying he can't tell me to wear awful attire if he wants to wear a floral dress with a wig. He called my parents and they said if I didn't drop it I could forget about the summer session in photography at the university in Ireland this summer. Along with being grounded for a month. They also threatened to keep me from writing you and seriously as much as I love my parents they're crazy because there is no way in hell that is happening. I'll always find a way to get in touch with you. You and I are inseparable so no one can keep us apart. _

Spencer's head snaps up as she reads the letter. The wooden floor creaks as Scott shuffles down the hall. He leans against the doorway and gives the blonde a tired smile. She smiles softly at him.

"Babe you okay?"

She just nods softly and he walks further into the room occupying the desk chair she sat in only for a few moments. Her letter is still unfinished. His eyes take a quick glance at the first two words and blushes at the stern look Spencer is giving him. He puts his hands up in surrender.

"Technically it's not a letter from Ashley and there are no words. I'm sorry."

She shakes her head and folds up the letter in her hand. She places it back in the box and looks up at her fiancé. She crosses her legs at the ankles slipping her hands between her thighs.

"You can go back to bed I'm not tired."

He scratches his scruffy beard that Spencer wishes he would shave because it never feels nice to kiss him with it.

"You spent ten hours at the hospital today and you're not tired?"

He leans his elbow on his knees resting his chin on his fists. His eyes halfway closed as he focuses his attention on his beautiful bride- to-be.

"I'm just anxious is all, Ashley comes this weekend and I'm really excited to see her."

He moans in understanding. "Yeah I bet, I'd really like to meet her. Did you convince her to stay more than one day?"

Spencer sighs and looks down at her lap shaking her head no. Scott lifts his large hand and buries it into her blonde tresses.

"Well maybe you can convince her to keep you company I got word today that I have to leave town this weekend to run some numbers with one of the companies that we work with. So I have to fly out Friday and I'll be gone for a few days. Tell her you don't want to stay here alone and maybe that'll get her to stay."

Spencer contemplates the thought and shrugs. "Maybe, she's pretty stubborn."

"I'm sure she gets it from you."

Spencer crosses her arms and quirks an offended brow at the man. "I'm not stubborn." She retorts smoothly.

"Okay." He answers back in a tone that held little belief at this declaration.

He stands up extending a hand to the blonde. Taking a hand from between her thighs she waves him off. Scott frowns and looks down at the box of letters. He sucks air between his teeth then blows out.

"Alright. You know we should probably move a bed in here for you. All the nights you fall asleep in here reading those letters it's starting to feel like I have a roommate instead of a fiancée."

Scott tries to look into blue eyes as they linger over the box of letters. She whispers out a soft apology then looks up shaking her hair from her eyes. She smirks up at him arching a brow. He chuckles and rubs a hand over his tired face.

"I swear I can never stay mad at you."

Her smile breaks wider and she watches as he bends down in front of her gently cupping her face. He closes the gap between them and gives her a soft kiss.

"Come to bed when you're ready."

With a final kiss against her forehead he gets up and retreats back to bed. Spencer looks down at her box of letters again and glides her fingers over the jagged edges from opening the envelope. She remembers the feel of breaking the seal. What a funny concept, breaking through the surface in order to feel whole again. Spencer leans her head against the cabinet and closes her eyes. All she ever sees is Ashley. She bites her lip as she thinks about what it means. If it's what she thinks it is why hasn't she noticed before? She's felt like this since she can remember so why now all of a sudden is it standing out even more? She pushes herself up from the floor and places her letters back in the appropriate place. She quietly walks back into her room and carefully slips back into bed. She sighs as Scott smoothly slips a hand around her waist and pulls her close. Just like every time he does this she wishes it was Ashley.

The next morning Spencer rides her motorcycle into the hospital parking lot. She rubs her tired eyes as she feels arms wrap around her leather jacket and she smirks.

"Did you dream about me?"

The blonde chuckles and she gently buries her hand into red hair. "Always."

Sammie scoffs and pushes Spencer head forward. She dismounts her Ninja and walks towards the hospital with her friend by her side.

"You're such a liar."

Spencer just shrugs as they walk through the entrance. "I'm sure you'll get over it."

Sammie grunts as she presses the button for the elevator. She feels Spencer's eyes on her and when she looks over the blonde quickly whips her head forward. Sammie smirks and gives the blonde a side-glance.

Spencer mirrors the gaze and Sammie snorts out a laugh.

"What's wrong with you?" She asks through her laughter. Spencer stammers over her words as she searches for an answer. She only manages one word.

"Nothing."

"You're being weird."

"You're weird." She spits out quickly and it only makes the redhead laugh harder.

"Great comeback." She scoffs as they step into the elevator.

Turning around to face the closing doors Sammie presses the button for the surgical floor. She feels blue eyes on her making her shake her head.

"Spencer if you have something to ask me just ask. I know I'm hot but the staring is getting creepy."

Spencer rolls her eyes sighing heavily. "I'm not staring."

"Fourteen."

"What?"

Sammie clears her throat and runs a hand through her hair. " I was fourteen when I realized I liked girls." Spencer opens her mouth to continue but stops at her friend's raised hand. "I knew you were going to ask because people always get this look in their eyes. You can just tell they are wondering. That they have questions and you've got that look so my question to you is why?"

Spencer looks down at the elevator floor shaking her head. Sammie can sense the hesitation and keeps the conversation on the funny side.

"Spencer if you want to ask me out I'll say yes. The only problem is you're taken." Sammie smirks proud of herself for making the blonde laugh.

"I'm pretty sure Scott wouldn't mind." Spencer winks grazing a thumb on her colleague's cheek. Sammie gives her friend a sly smile while taking a step forward and grabbing her hand gently.

She leans closer and Spencer's breathing picks up.

"I wasn't talking about Scott."

Sammie pops her eyebrows once. The elevator bell dings announcing their arrival and the redhead steps away from the stunned blonde. She chuckles walking out of the opening doors. Spencer tuts and follows her friend.

"Then who can you be talking about?" She asks knowing full well the answer. She knows she just needs a push.

"Oh no Carlin I'm not going to answer for you. You want the answer you need to say it yourself."

Spencer stops in her tracks and watches as her friend walks into the locker room. She holds her palm to face and shakes her head.

"Carlin!" The blonde flinches as she hears her resident shriek her name. She sighs and turns to see her resident with an arched brow. "Today I want you to write up post-op notes on all surgical floor patients that are SP surgeries within the last twenty-four hours. I also want their EKGs and X-rays hunt them down if you can't find them I know how well you do with hide and seek."

Spencer sighs nodding her head.

"Stop nodding and go change."

Spencer stops herself from nodding again and darts towards the locker room. She gets to her locker and quickly opens it. Ripping her shirt over her head she stops as Sammie gazes over her body.

"She is one lucky girl."

Spencer stares at her friend warily. She knows who she's referring and if Sammie saw Ashley she's pretty sure it'd be the other way around. She squeezes her eyes tightly shut as she tries to shift her thoughts. She is not going to think this way, too many things are at stake and the uncertainty of the other person's feelings is going to keep her quiet. Also she doesn't even know what she's feeling herself.

"Shut up." Spencer quickly says and shoves her shirt in the locker and pulling on her scrubs.

Sammie chuckles while she laces up her sneakers.

"I'm just saying Spence."

"Mhm."

Is all she can muster up while she thinks about Ashley's body. She closes her eyes as she feels her heart race.

"Spence!"

The blonde snaps her head in the direction of her friend. She feels the supportive hand on her back and licks her lips.

"It'll be okay."

Both their blue eyes lock but Spencer's set are the first to look away. She misses the reassurance Sammie's eyes are giving her. The attempt is a nice gesture but only one person was ever capable of reassuring her and right now that person is in another country. Spencer puts on her best face and looks back up at her friend.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Sammie whispers a soft 'okay' and leaves the blonde to her thoughts. She finishes changing and walks out of the locker room only to slam into a nurse with all the charts she is assigned. She gives the woman a tight-lip smile and walks towards the main desk grabbing a seat and dropping into the chair.

She is not looking forward to scut work at all. She'll never lose a patient ever again, from now on she is secretly slipping a transmitter in them somehow. She knows it's manageable, she always got away with pranks until she stopped a few years ago. She opens up the first chart and her eyes dance over the patient's history. This is most definitely not the way she wants to spend her next three days in the hospital. She wants to be in surgeries, she wants to be observing, why did she even go to medical school if all she is going to do is look at charts.

"Sup sexy."

"Die." She answers without looking up. She hears her colleague chuckle and she only shakes her head.

"Spencer, Spencer, Spencer if you keep talking to me like you're going to make it really difficult for me to believe that you don't love me."

Spencer looks up at one of the other interns that works alongside her under the same resident and stares at him blankly.

"Evan you know what you'll have a better chance at than me being in love with you?"

Sammie appears as if out of thin air and wraps an arm around their fellow intern.

"Me sleeping with you!" The redhead answers in lieu of her friend's attempt to insult their colleague.

Spencer points her pen with a chuckle and Evan rolls his eyes leaning against the counter.

"Sam don't ruin my chances with Spencer okay. I told you I'm not interested."

He points his thumb at the redhead making a face of disbelief and both women laugh at him.

"Don't bother Evan, Spencer's already taken."

Samantha enunciates the last word with a raise of her brows. The blonde rolls her eyes the last thing she needs is to be pressured for clarity on a subject she's unsure of

"Scott can't handle you the way I can Spence come on."

Evan runs a hand through his dark brown hair and puffs his chest out then quickly collapses it in as Sammie smacks him.

"One this is technically harassment, two your face makes me nauseous, and three I don't like you."

Evan grabs his heart and leans back offended. He flinches at the punch in the arm by his friend.

"Are you flinching cause Carlin won't go out with you still."

"Am I the only woman in this hospital?"

"The only taken one." Sammie answers with a smirk. Spencer shakes her head and looks back down at her chart while her friends congregate until their resident yells at them to get back to rounds.

"You're a hard sell Carlin, everyone enjoys a challenge." The last member in Spencer's circle of friends saunters up to the desk.

Her blue eyes narrowly stare into his green ones. Mavis pops his perfectly knit brows up and chews on his pen cap. All three of her colleagues lean against the counter and look at her with smiles.

"What the hell do you three want from me?"

She watches as they all whisper amongst themselves. She grabs a nearby paperclip and throws it at Evan. It hits him in his right eye and he shrieks causing the blonde to snorts out a laugh. He covers his eye with the tip of his fingers.

"Are you trying to blind me Spence?!"

He pulls his fingers away and rapidly blinks his eye to make sure it still functions the way it's supposed to which causes the group of interns to laugh harder at his extreme and unnecessary action.

"Calm down it's a paperclip not a machete. Now someone tell me what you're whispering about."

Sammie clears her throat and leans closer. "We want to throw a party this weekend."

"So throw a party." She retorts unsure of what this has to do with her.

"Well." Sammie continues. "Mavis still lives with his mother."

"I live in the basement with a separate entrance!" Mavis interrupts quickly and Sammie easily ignores him.

"My place is way too small and Evan's a hoarder."

"Collector."

"Evan you're dirty. Shut up" Sammie says keeping her gaze on Spencer's face as the reason for this discussion dawns on her.

"No."

They all groan and the blonde smirks as Mavis grabs a twenty from Evan's hand. She watches as Sammie circles around the desk and Spencer silently wishes that their resident will show up soon because she knows Sammie will get her to break down.

"Spence come on you've got the biggest place out of everyone and it's been a while you need to cut loose you've been so wound tight lately." She squeezes Spencer's shoulders.

Spencer rolls her shoulders trying to push Sammie's hands off but to no avail. She feels the redhead lower her body and get close to her ear. Spencer closes her eyes as the redhead turns her flirty voice. Before the red head could say anything Spencer moves her head, if any woman were to pull that move on her she only wants it to be one. She easily relents.

"Fine. You can have your stupid party. Don't break anything, and you are cleaning up everything and I mean everything. "

Her shoulders rise up towards her ear as Sammie squeezes her excitedly. "Swear it'll be like new, so what time will you be home Saturday?"

"Wait Saturday?"

Sammie quirks a brow as if she doesn't realize the problem.

"Oh right Saturday you see Ashley."

Spencer's face falls. "Samantha Finnegan."

"Are you full-naming me Carlin?"

Sammie shrugs shaking her head sporting a sly smirk. Spencer quickly spins in her chair to yell at her friend and her conniving ways. She planned this whole thing. She shakes her head and quickly stands to confront her colleague.

"What are you people doing standing around!" All the interns scurry around to their post not needing to know who it is that is yelling at them. Spencer drops herself back in her seat in front of her pile of charts. She looks up at her resident and smiles sheepishly.

"Here's more scut for you Carlin and if you finish up in time I've got a Whipple scheduled tonight and I'd like you to scrub in."

Spencer's eyes light up and her resident puts up a hand. "Don't give that look you've got a job now do it and don't lose another patient again."

"Yes ma'am."

Her resident gives a quick smile then her usual demeanor returns and she scurries off to attend to one of her patients. Spencer taps her pen against her neck as she thinks about scrubbing into surgery later on that the day. She looks at the time and dives into her work.

A Whipple, a standstill, open heart surgery, five appendectomies, and being on call after being assigned to one of seven preemies. Septuplets and each one have their own surgical needs. Spencer's preemie is recovering from brain surgery. Being in the depths of the hospital, in and out of operating rooms and the rooms of the patients Spencer loses track of time. This situation happens to Spencer and her group more often than not. One point in her extensive work schedule Scott sat in the waiting room for three hours to take Spencer out to dinner but she cancelled on him and declined his attempt to reschedule for the next day, and the day after. Watching her preemie on the last day of her shift added two more days to her schedule and she didn't even realize. When you're a surgeon you live in the hospital more than you do your own place. Once her assigned preemie became stable Spencer was ordered to go home. The hospital is trying to enforce the amount of hours that staff can work and the blonde is way over. One hundred and six hours in her resident basically pushes her into the locker room and instructs her not to come back until Monday.

Spencer falls back against the bench folding her arms over her eyes. She flinches as Sammie gently slaps a hand against her stomach.

"Super Spencer scrubs into eight surgeries in the last four days when you were only supposed to be here for three."

Spencer lets a lazy smile spread across her face. Sammie changes for her shift that day sporadically glancing at her friend.

"Too tired to move?"

Spencer just nods as she lets her arms drop off her body. Her fingers barely touch the floor of the locker room. She musters up enough strength to lift her body up and gets ready to head home for the weekend.

"So tomorrow night I was planning on coming around after my shift."

Her brows furrow in confusion. Sammie sighs obnoxiously, lacing up her sneakers.

"The party."

"That's tomorrow?! It's Friday already?!"

Sammie just pats Spencer on the head and the blonde smiles as she realizes that she's going to see Ashley tomorrow. Suddenly she's not so tired anymore.

* * *

Thanks for reading...Girls finally meet up next chapter let me know what you think, how you felt, what you liked what you didn't, etc. Until next week!


	7. Special Delivery

**A/N: So sorry this is a day late I gave it to my Beta late and she did a beast job at getting it back to me so quickly totally my fault. Thank you keepxmexawake. So I hope you guys like this the fun shall commence from here on out. I am so grateful for all this awesome feedback that you've all been giving. Obviously writers write for themselves but we put it out for your enjoyment and it means a lot when we get a response especially when you show your love for the work. You guys are awesome and I'm glad you're taking to this story so well and showing your support. Read and enjoy! Thanks!**

**"Here goes everything"~ Wish those words were my own but editing a particular story it got stuck in my head so credit to ohsoclever1 for that poetic spin. **

* * *

**Special Delivery**

Ashley types feverishly on the phone as she texts Chase. Seconds later she answers the call and groans into the phone.

"Chase why the hell did you choose those shots? I told you don't select so many CU shots! There aren't enough ELSs, I swear Chase you're working my nerve."

Ashley misses the smirk on her assistant's face as he sits in his apartment back in Boston working on the photos before sending them to Nat Geo. He sighs into the phone and Ashley's eyes shoot open.

"I'm sorry am I'm upsetting you with the job that you were hired to do?"

"No it's just…you picked those shots before you left."

Ashley stops her pacing and stares off as she tries to remember doing what Chase is claiming. She sighs in defeat as she hears her voice echo those words.

"I'm sorry Chase. I'm just…"

"Nervous?"

Ashley can't deny that she is nervous so she just lets silence answer the question for her. She's always excited to see Spencer, and she is right now but she knows that there's a lot riding on this visit. It's either now or never.

"Ashley I can come out there if you want, you know, moral support."

She sits on the bed in her hotel room and squeezes her eyes with her thumb and index finger.

"No, I can do this. I'll be out of touch for the day so…"

"Say no more. So am I keeping the close ups instead of the extreme long shots?"

"No, no keep it the way it is. Just anxiety making my head foggy, I've got to go."

"Ashley!"

"Yeah."

"In order to get all of her, you've got to give all of you first."

Ashley sighs and mumbles out a 'thanks' for Chase's words of wisdom even if they don't settle the queasiness in her stomach. She blows a quick, sharp breath and stops. She looks at herself in the mirror and stares into her brown eyes. She gives an affirmative nod , grabs her things and heads out the door. She pulls it shut, the weight of the door making the slam echo throughout the hall. Here goes everything.

_17 years ago_

_Ashley groans quietly as her mother gently wakes her. The eight- year-old buries her head under her pillow causing her mother to giggle._

_"Come on Ashley, you'll get to meet Spencer today."_

_Christine quickly pulls back as Ashley jumps awake. The mother giggles as she watches her little girl fly out of the bed and runs towards the bathroom. _

_The girls' classes have been exchanging letters since the beginning of the year and Christine noticed how well Ashley has taken to her pen pal Spencer. It was always Spencer this and Spencer that and Spencer rides bikes down big hills, Spencer's so cool. Christine has heard a lot about Spencer and she is thrilled to be a chaperone on the field trip that her daughter couldn't stop talking about the closer it got. Monterey Bay Aquarium –the second largest in the country-and Ashley is most excited to see her pen pal._

_Ashley has never gotten ready fast enough. The little girl not usually a fan of the morning bounces down the stairs humming to herself. She drags her hand down the banister and her eye catches her father standing at the bottom of the stairs. She stops in the middle of the stairs and her brows furrow as she scowls at her father. _

_"Snapshot." His voice is sad as he just watches his daughter ignore him and walk down past him and into the kitchen. _

_Ashley climbs up onto one of the barstools that surround the island in the middle of the kitchen. She eats a piece of pancake that her mother had cut up for her and looks at the boxes in the kitchen. She looks up at her mother who puts a glass of milk in front of her then leans on her elbows. She avoids her mother's soft brown eyes trying to ignore her mother as well. _

_"Sweetie you know your daddy loves you."_

_"He does not."_

_"He does."_

_"Then why is he making us move, making me leave my friends. I got invited to Spencer's birthday party and now I can't go and it's all daddy's fault!"_

_Ashley turns her small head and yells over her shoulder. _

_"Ashley Davies!" She cringes at the stern tone in her mother's voice. She looks up with an angry face. "You will not speak to your father like that. Finish your breakfast and get ready to leave but before you go you will apologize to your dad or you're not going to the aquarium."_

_The eight- year-old purses her lips angrily, stabbing her fork into another pieces of pancake. Her mother says her name again and she shifts her eyes upward to look at her mother. _

_"You hear me?"_

_"Yes." She says in a soft voice. Her mother nods and goes back to the stove as she finishes cooking breakfast for her husband. Ashley glances at her dad as he passes her and places a hand on her head and she pulls it away. Glad her mother's back is to them so she won't get in trouble again. _

_"You're making daddy sad." He bends down and kisses her atop her head. "Sometimes you make hard decisions when it's in the best interest of the people you love. I know you're going to miss your friends but you can make new friends."_

_Ashley finishes her breakfast and pushes her plate away. "Mommy I'm done."_

_She sees her mother look at her with a raised brow. _

_"Sorry daddy."_

_She jumps down from her chair and goes to get ready to leave. _

_"Ashley." She stops right away as her father's booming voice fills the kitchen. She turns around and looks at her parents. "I'm sorry you're upset but you're on your way to meet someone new, someone that's become important to you. Even though you're mad at your daddy you can't take it out on Spencer you understand?"_

_"Spencer's not the one making me move to Florida." Ashley slides her feet back and forth against the tile floor. _

_Her mother scolds her while she finishes Raife's breakfast placing it on the island for him. _

_"Ashley what did I tell you?"_

_"Fine I don't care! What's the point of seeing Spencer if we're never going to see each other again! I hate you for making me leave! I hate you!"_

_Ashley quickly moves her little legs and runs back into her room. She slams her door shut then kicks it once its closed. She sniffles as she stomps towards her closet and slides the door open. She's made a section of her closet her secret place where she'd read Spencer's letters. She drops onto the pile of blankets. She turns on the switch for the white Christmas lights her father hung for her and leans forward to grab the box where she kept Spencer's letters in. She grabs the most recent letter and leans back against her beanbag chair. _

**_Dear Ashley, _**

**_ I can't wait to go the aquarium. I love aquariums and I can't wait to see the otters. They are my favorite, they're so cute and sneaky and smart. I'm most excited to see you though. My mommy is going to be a chaperone too. My mommy told me to see if maybe you and your mommy want to have lunch and come over for a play date. I hope you get to and if you do see if you can bring your bike and we can ride down my favorite hill. So make sure you ask with a lot of pleases because I really want you to come. And then we can be best friends and you can come to my birthday party this summer. I hope you get to come because my dad said I can invite three friends but I only want to invite you. We're going to Disneyland. It's going to be so much fun._**

_Ashley wipes away at her eyes as tears stream down her cheeks. She lets out a labored breath as she folds up Spencer's letter again. She hears a knock on her closet door and she slides the door open. She looks up to see her father crouched down in front of her. She attempts to slide the door close but he stops it. _

_"Now Ashley, that's enough. Come out of the closet now." _

_She sighs putting back her letter and crawling out of the closing. Her father picks her up and she drops her head on his shoulder. She cries softly and he coos to his daughter. _

_"I know that you're upset but this is really good for us. I wouldn't do anything that wasn't good for you."_

_"I don't want to go." She replies through her tears._

_"I know but this is my job. As a consultant I have to move to where the companies need me and I can't leave you behind. Also if you didn't come mommy and I would miss you very much." _

_She pushes her father away to signal that she wants to get down. He lets his daughter onto the ground and she looks up at him with big eyes. _

_"I'm sorry I said I hate you. Can you tell mommy I apologized so we can go to the aquarium now." _

_He gives his daughter a sad smile knowing that she is just upset as she had been since he told the news last week. She had come home so excited that Spencer wanted her to come to her birthday and his heart broke as he shared the news of their move at the end of the school year. Three weeks left until his family moves east and he is about to travel with an extremely angry eight- year- old._

_Ashley tightly grips her mother's hand as they sit in the school bus with the rest of her class. The children are all loud and excited while Ashley sits quietly looking out the window. They pull up to the aquarium and all the kids shout in unison. _

_Her heart races but her face stays stoic. She feels her mother squeeze her hand gently. She looks away from the building to her mother's sweet face and she gives the woman a shy smile. _

_"It'll be fine sweetie."_

_She just nods. She didn't know why she was so edgy to meet her pen pal. Excitement, anxiousness, and nervousness three high different emotions bouncing around the little girl, she rubs her jumpy stomach as Ms. Hersham stands at the front of the bus and gives directions. _

_"Alright class settle down." The kids obey quickly knowing very well the longer it took to be quiet the less time they'll have at the aquarium. "Thank you. Now, I know you are all very excited to be here and to meet your pen pals. I want you all on your best behavior. I will call out the name of the chaperone and then your name, then you will all stand outside with your chaperone in a single file. No running around understood?"_

_"Yes Ms. Hersham." They all say loudly. _

_Their teacher nods then continues. "Once we are inside we will wait for Mrs. Perry's class and then we'll call out your names so you can meet your pen pals."_

_Ashley finally brightens up, her face breaking into a large smile. Christine looks down at her daughter and places a kiss on top of her head. Ashley smiles at her mom and watches as she lifts her head once her name is called. Ashley follows her mom out of the seat and to the front of her bus. Parker, Virgil, and Meaghan, another girl in her class,were all part of her mother's group. They all link their hands to prevent each other from wandering. _

_The aquarium buzzes with excitement from the many different groups preparing to spend the day there. While she, her class and the chaperones marvel at the large whale they are standing under, Ashley looks around in search of the other class. She looks around the entrance of the aquarium already searching for her pen pal even though she has no idea what her pen pal is going to look like. _

_She notices another teacher leading a bunch of students and adults hoping that's the group. She watches as Ms. Hersham greets the other woman and she gets excited. She's so close to meeting Spencer. She really wishes that they would speed things up because all this waiting is driving her crazy. _

_"Alright everyone I'm going to call out your names and then Mrs. Perry is going to call out the name of your pen pal, then you will be partners for the day. Okay?" _

_All the kids cheer with excitement and both educators smile fondly at their kids. Ms. Hersham reads a name, then Mrs. Perry, this goes back and forth for about ten names. Ashley watches as her classmates get excited as they meet their new friends and she looks on with envy. She smiles as Virgil's partner seems to be a bit bossy as she orders him to hold her hand a certain way. Parker and his pen pal are having a contest on who can hold their breath the longest. She's so intrigued by their game she almost doesn't hear her name. Almost._

_"Ashley." Her brown eyes snap up and she quickly lets go of her mother's hand. She has forgotten that her mother was there all together. She stands in front of Ms. Hersham and smiles at Mrs. Perry as she calls out. _

_"Spencer."_

_The little blonde girl quickly darts out from behind a taller blonde woman and runs up to the front. Ashley's eyes widen in shock. _

_"You're a girl." _

_Spencer tilts her head to the side and looks at her pen pal. She answers coolly. _

_"So are you."_

_They both giggle and link hands running to stand in line behind the rest of their class. _

Present Day

The brunette sighs as she purchases two tickets to enter the aquarium. Standing underneath the large whale like she has done for the past seventeen years she waits for her best friend. The place was not quite full since the doors opened only ten minutes ago. She paces back and forth as she prepares herself for the reunion.

Dragging her brown leather Frye boots across the tile floors she leaves scuff marks then rubs them away with the sole of her shoe. A familiar giggle makes her mouth shoot into a smile. She looks up at the blonde and her heart stops. She places a hand on her chest to make sure it's still beating. She marvels at how beautiful the blonde is, she swears she gets more beautiful every year. Ashley smirks as she traditionally greets her.

"You're a girl."

Spencer mirrors the same reaction, tilting her head and answering coolly.

"So are you."

Ashley giggles. "Get over here." She says and the surgeon doesn't hesitate to close the distance between them.

They tightly wrap their arms around each other. Spencer nuzzles her face into Ashley's neck breathing her in. Tears well up in her eyes as she feels her body release all the tensions she has built up over the past year into Ashley's embrace.

"Don't let go." Spencer mumbles, she feels the photographer shake her head and hears her mumbling a response.

"I wouldn't dream of it."

She leans back looking to face Ashley. She leans her forehead against the brunette's and sighs.

"I've missed you so much. You have no idea."

Ashley groans as she contemplates Spencer's words. "I think I do."

She buries her fingers into blonde hair and looks down at the blonde's lips and she sees Spencer do the same and her eyes narrow in curiosity. Their arms still stay around each other as Spencer gently slips her hand in Ashley's hair.

"You cut your hair, I like it."

Ashley's short brown curls stop just below her ear. She giggles as Spencer plays with the bottom of her curls and loosens her grip. Spencer stops playing with her best friend's hair and gives her a stern look. The brunette just smirks and tightens her grip again.

"We can't stand here all day Penguin."

Spencer only responds by wrapping her arms around Ashley's neck and placing her chin on her shoulder.

"Let me have this before I lose you for a whole other year."

Ashley shakes her head at the start of the guilt trip.

"Already?" She asks with a chuckle. She feels Spencer shrug and places a soft kiss on her cheek. "Fine we'll stand here as long as you want."

"Not the answer I was looking for."

"I know." She admits softly and Spencer pushes her hips forward in an attempt to hit the photographer.

They finally release each other but quickly link hands. Their fingers laced together as they gently squeeze. Ashley runs her thumb over Spencer's finger as they walk towards the entrance. They lightly swing their hands back and forth staring stupidly at each other.

Ashley smiles making Spencer smile wider in turn causing the brunette's smile to get even bigger than it already was.

"So talk to me." Ashley starts, then hands their tickets to the worker and the brunette lets the blonde go through the turnstile first. As soon as Ashley walks through Spencer doesn't hesitate to grab her hand again.

"Well what do you want to hear?"

"Everything."

"I missed you." Spencer repeats.

"How much?"

"A lot!"

"Like a lot a lot or just a lot?"

"Meh just a lot." She answers with the rise of her shoulders and the brunette gently pushes her stumbling a little herself with their hands linked. They stop in the sardines tank. The circular room is dark and blue as the aquarium gives the effect of being underwater. The amounts of sardines were in the thousands almost covering the size of the glass.

They both look at the underwater animal with awe, never in their seventeen years have they gotten bored of the meeting place. The magic of the aquarium adds to their memory and most especially to them.

Ashley stands against the railing and her body freezes as Spencer lets go and stands behind her wrapping her arms, hugging her from behind. One arm snakes around her waist and the other over her shoulder. She rests her chin on her best friend.

"It's just me Otter relax."

Ashley rolls her eyes at Spencer thankful that she couldn't see. She knows it's just her that's why she's frozen. The blonde's lips are close to her neck, she can feel her warm breath softly brushing against her. She closes her eyes and inhales deeply letting out a slow steady breath.

This girl is going to be the death of her. She has to tell her. If she doesn't say anything she's going to be sick. What Spencer is doing right now should feel good. It should comfort her but right now all it's doing is setting her body on edge because the intention behind it is so uncertain.

Ashley pulls from the embrace and is met with sad eyes once she turns around. She cups Spencer's cheek and grazes a thumb over it. A lone tear falls from blue eyes and Ashley wants to cry at the sight of it. Why is she hurting so bad?

"Penguin talk to me."

Ashley closes the small gap between them and kisses the tear away. The gesture only exudes another set and Spencer buries her face in Ashley neck crying softly. Ashley coos her gently running her hand up and down Spencer's back.

"Why does this hurt so much?"Spencer asks through sob, in a soft mumble.

"What?" Ashley prods as she tightens her grip around her best friend.

"The thought of you leaving, you just got here and all I can think about is when you leave again."

Ashley pulls away far enough to catch Spencer's eyes. She wipes away the tears and gently places her lips against Spencer's closed eyes kissing them softly. The brunette buries her fingers in blonde hair while Spencer mirrors the action burying her fingers in Ashley's hair.

"I'm sorry Spencer."

"Don't be sorry just stay." She pleads and Ashley's heart breaks. She sighs and pulls away.

"I don't want to fight with you about this Spence can't we just enjoy each other's company and talk about it at dinner."

Ashley looks into blue eyes and they are pleading with her. Pleading her to stay, to explain, to help make sense of what's going on. Ashley sighs as she looks away knowing very well the longer she looks the easier she's going to break down. How is this fair? Spencer gets her to stay and she has to watch up close what she's been avoiding from afar. She is about to answer yes when Spencer reaches into her pocket for her phone. Her brows furrow as she ignores the call.

"Who was that?" Ashley asks, the words falling from her lips before she could stop them.

"Scott, I don't know why he's calling me." She says sliding the phone back into her back pocket.

"Maybe because you're his fiancée." Ashley answers with a shrug and she notices a look in Spencer's eyes. She can't quite place it. Regret maybe?

She mumbles out a 'yeah' and links her hand with Ashley's again pulling her towards the next exhibit. Just like every year they ignore the subject of Ashley. The brunette tugs on her best friend's hand and Spencer stops. She easily smiles as if she had not just been crying moments before.

"Are you happy?" Ashley asks staring fiercely into blue eyes.

A soft smile appears on Spencer's face as she walks closer to Ashley.

"Right now I'm ecstatic."

"But Scott…he takes care of you, he loves you?"

Spencer looks down nodding softly. Ashley lifts her head up gently by her chin.

"Spencer…"

She sighs, shrugging lightly. "He does. I know he does, I just…he doesn't love me the way I need him to?"

"What do you mean? What kind of love do you need?"

"A love like yours."

* * *

So whats the verdict?...Let me know how you felt, what you thought, what you liked etc...thanks again for reading.


	8. Overnight Shipping

**A/N: I am SO SORRY...my intention was to never have you guys wait this long for the update. Honestly I wanted to get it up to you as fast as possible but I also wanted to give the chapter justice and with everything else in life it was hard to get posted when I wanted but no worries the next update won't be too far off. I just want to say I have the BEST readers ever you guys seriously with these reviews I'm amazed with the responses that I'm getting please keep them coming I enjoy reading everything you all have to say. I hope you enjoy this chapter and hopefully it was worth the wait. Thanks again so much for reading. Enjoy!**

* * *

**Overnight Shipping**

Ashley tries her best to swallow away the dryness in her throat. She stares at her best friend completely in a daze. There was a low hum in her ears as she looks into sad blue eyes. Her breaths are low and shallow. 'A love like yours' is playing on a loop in her head. She comes back to reality as Spencer grabs her hand lacing their fingers together.

The brunette licks her lips as she tries to find words to respond to Spencer's declaration. Releasing a heavy breath she musters up all the courage she can to speak to her best friend. It's either now or never.

"Spencer, no one will ever love you the way I love you."

Ashley can practically hear the surgeon gulp, she decides on mirroring the action as the blonde takes a step forward. She tries to cling onto the sudden boost of confidence.

"I know." Spencer answers in a soft whisper then bites the inside of her bottom lip.

She always was a bit bolder than Ashley, the prankster, the daredevil, the adrenaline junkie while Ashley a lot of the times played it safe, thought things through, creatively conspired in order to obtain her end result.

Spencer has always been spontaneous while Ashley always plans things out. Without trying they both had an effect on the other in more ways than one. Their presence in each other's lives has made their personalities bleed into their trade. Ashley became more spontaneous with her career while Spencer planned things out more critically.

Neither of them ever fought any change that came their way but only when it involves just the two of them. When it comes to them the outside world never gets a say, never has a right, mostly because they never care about anyone else's opinion than the person that's standing right in front of them.

Ashley finds herself trapped against the railing as Spencer closes the distance between them. The proximity never held this much meaning but this time Ashley feels the difference. Spencer knows it's different as she shoots her eyes quickly at Ashley's lips. This is the second time she's done that today and the thought of kissing her never felt so right. She subconsciously licks her lips and watches as the brunette cups her cheek with her free hand.

Gently caressing the side of her face with her thumb Spencer feels her heart race with anticipation. She's not going to question where this attraction came from, she's not going to question why she's never realized it before. At this very moment all she wants to know is that everything that she has ever felt for Ashley is the reason she can't be without her.

Best friends don't crave each other, desire each other, long for each other to an astronomical extent. Sure you may need your best friend, need their company, their personality, their humor, their love. Spencer knew that but with Ashley it was always more and it will always be more.

"Please." Spencer pleads as she looks into brown eyes.

She needs to know that it's not just her. That she's not wrong, that there's a reason that she doesn't care to plan a wedding with Scott, or that she's missed every single call he's made because her mind was too wrapped up on her best friend. She didn't care that she didn't get a chance to say goodbye to him but the thought of Ashley leaving brought her to tears. Ashley's not just her best friend and she is annoyed with herself that it had taken so long to figure it out. Ashley is her soul mate and whether it took her seventeen years or seventeen seconds to realize it, it will always remain that way.

They forget where they are, the glow from the tanks lights up Spencer's blue eyes making them even more hypnotizing for Ashley than they already are. Her heart pounds through her chest and as she gets closer to Spencer's she can feel the blonde's heartbeat keep in time with her.

Spencer buries her fingers in Ashley's brown hair leaning their foreheads together.

"Do you?" Spencer asks not needing to clarify, they know each other well enough to cut out regular conversation.

Words are trivial, that's what the letters are for. During their annual meet up it's all about action. Hand holding, soft touches, lingering hugs, and more as they absorb each other in order to last them the rest of the year.

"Do you?" Ashley counters.

She needs this more than Spencer. A love that she's been feeling for…she can't even remember. It just hit her much like it's hitting the blonde right now. Ashley's confusion is clouding her ability to move.

Soft puffs of Spencer's warm breaths hits the photographer's lips. She closes her eyes, wrapping her arms around her best friend's waist. This is it? Is this really about to happen, just like that? A seventeen year old friendship is about to be tested with a kiss. Is this Spencer's confirmation? The initiation of their first kiss? Sure they've kissed on the lips before with a peck at the end of every visit.

So dangerously close, the longing breathing down both their necks and yet neither of them are moving.

"Like clockwork!"

They both jump apart in shock at the interruption. Bashful glances were shared between them as they notice an old friend walk down the ramp to greet them. Spencer takes this chance to reassure the brunette by placing a soft kiss on her cheek. Ashley looks at her with a quirked brow and a light smirk.

"Later?"

Ashley just nods and a smile is beamed in her direction. She giggles and they fall right back into their usual demeanor as if this life-changing thing was a regular occurrence. Ashley tries her best to recover from whatever was about to happen.

Ashley and Spencer look at their old friend, Lucas Pender, with genuine smiles despite his interruption. Seventeen years ago he was a twenty- year- old college student who gave the tour for their field trip and his interest in animals kept him coming back to the aquarium. First for a summer job, then an internship, and now he's a veterinarian.

Each girl gives the veterinarian a hug and he crosses his arms over his chest eyeing both women.

"How the hell have you two been? It's good to see you here again."

"How's it going Luke?" Ashley greets him as she grazes the top of Spencer's hand with her thumb. The blonde smiles at the gesture as her mind replays their almost kiss in her head. She watches as the brunette falls into conversation with their old friend and marvels at how well she connects with people.

She's always been a charmer and Spencer doesn't know one person that doesn't enjoy Ashley as a whole. Her heart swoons as she hears the brunette laugh and she closes her eyes as she internally berates herself for not realizing her feelings. Is she in love with Ashley and it took her this long to realize it? How can you be in love and not know? She's a surgeon but a complete idiot.

Her eyes widen as she feels soft lips press against her cheek.

"You alright over here?"

Spencer smiles as she looks over to a smirking Lucas. Spencer just nods joining in the conversation as they catch up with him about the past year. A smile stretching across his face, he points in the direction of the next exhibit.

"Walk with me?" He asks genuinely and they follow him without hesitation. He points out the new species of jellyfish and they listen attentively as he speaks of where they are from, what makes them special from every other jellyfish. As much as they enjoy the man they really wish he'd go away because both of them want to figure just what is on the other's mind.

Ashley steals glances at the blonde gently caressing her hand and blue eyes lock with hers once she turns around. She giggles quietly and Ashley smirks.

Is this really happening? Could it be this easy? What happens now? Do they talk about it or let things go as they may? What about Scott? What about travelling for work? What about Spencer's long hours in the OR? So many questions and there's not enough time to answer.

Spencer's smile fades as she allows her best friend to read her. It doesn't take long for Ashley to figure it out and she just nods her response.

The photographer's nod confirms Spencer's question…will you stay the night?

_17 Years Ago_

_"It's so nice to meet you. I'm Christine." Ashley watches as her mother greets Spencer's mom with a handshake. _

_The older blonde politely accepts the gesture with a beaming smile. _

_"Paula."_

_That's the extent of the conversation that Ashley pays attention to as she sneaks off with Spencer. They go to the closet jellyfish tank and press their hands against the glass. _

_"Once, my brother got stung by a jellyfish and my mommy told him to pee on the cut."_

_Spencer giggles at Ashley's contorted face as she sticks her tongue out in disgust. _

_"That's gross."_

_Spence just nods with a smile. Ashley grabs her hand and they run over to another tank and watch as the jellyfish change color as they glide through the water. _

_"Oh, do you get to come to my birthday?"_

_Ashley pouts then drops her head shaking it softly._

_"Aw why not?"_

_"I'm moving away my daddy has this stupid job and we leave soon and then I'll be too far away to come."_

_"That sucks."_

_Ashley looks into Spencer's bright blue eyes and she smiles right away, her eyes looked a lot like her teacher's. _

_"Ask your mommy if you can sleep at my house tonight!"_

_Ashley's face beamed at the idea. Spencer grabs her new friend's hand and pulls her towards their parents. _

_"Mommy!"_

_Spencer interrupts easily. Her mother looks down and the little blonde sighs._

_"Excuse me but I have a question."_

_Paula nods her head with a smile at her daughter's change of approach. Ashley laces her fingers together and opens up her big brown eyes wide and her mother smirks. _

_"So here's what we want mom." _

_Ashley giggles as she looks over at her new blonde friend. Paula just nods waiting for her daughter to continue. Christine smirks as she and Paula look at each other quickly. _

_ "Ashley can't come to my birthday 'cause she's leaving so can we have a sleepover?"_

_The pair of mothers look at each other quickly._

_"Please?"_

_Ashley adds playing up her whole sweet and charming personality while Spencer rides her blunt and honest attitude._

_"It's alright with me." Christine says with a nod. _

_"And me." Paula adds and both girls squeal in excitement. _

_A quick 'thank you' from each of the girls and Spencer pulls Ashley away from their parents. _

_"Come on Ashley let's go look at the otters they're my favorite."_

Present Day

"So Ashley how's travelling treating you?"

Spencer and Ashley follow Lucas as he gives them a private tour like he does every year. Their hands are still connected and Spencer lets it swing between them carelessly. She watches as the brunette's short hair bounces from side to side as she thinks about all the places she's been the past year. She can't help but let her mind wander and imagine what it would feel like to grip the brunette's hair and kiss her deeply.

She closes her eyes tightly and sighs. She shouldn't be thinking these things but the more she hears Ashley's voice the more she wants to hear her whisper sweet nothings in her ear. The surgeon can't contemplate how spontaneously all these feelings came about. Well maybe the emotions gradual but the realization came flooding like a tsunami. She tries to think of when it all started and she makes it a mental note to ask Ashley when it started for her.

She feels a soft kiss on her temple and a wide smile breaks across her face. She notices that Lucas stepped away to talk on his phone and Ashley's in front of her. She giggles as Ashley pinches her chin.

"Where's your head at Penguin?"

She steps closer to her best friend and links her fingers in the belt loops of Ashley's jean shorts. Ashley watches as the blonde bites her lip and her stomach burns with want. She licks her lips and buries her hand in wavy blonde hair.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

Ashley groans and laughs. _Where the hell is this coming from?_ She wonders.

"You, Spencer Carlin are a trouble maker."

"Oh I know."

Ashley places a kiss on Spencer's forehead. "We'll talk at dinner okay?"

Spencer just nods grateful that her best friend knows her well enough to answer questions that she doesn't have to ask. She sees the look in blue eyes and she can't believe what Spencer is wanting right now.

"Really?"

"It doesn't have to be crazy." She says shyly.

Ashley nods brushes her nose against Spencer's. "Absolutely sure?"

"Just do it." Spencer orders through a smile and takes her bottom lip in between her teeth.

"No." Ashley says.

Spencer pouts making the photographer chuckle. Ashley places a soft kiss on the pout and Spencer effectively moves her lips and captures Ashley's between hers. They both sigh softly as their lips fully connect for the first time. Spencer grips her best friend's hips at the feel of their lips together.

She's been missing this for how many years?! She pushes to deepen this kiss but the brunette pulls away shaking her head.

"Not like this."

Spencer's heart drops a little but she nods knowing that Ashley is right. She smiles after Ashley places another gentle kiss on her lips.

Their moment is cut short as Lucas comes over clearing his throat.

"So you ladies up to see the new pups?"

Spencer squeals and looks over at Ashley.

"I don't know why you're looking at me like I'll say no." Ashley states as Spencer orders Lucas to lead the way.

The best part of making friends with the employees at the aquarium is getting to go behind the scenes. They follow Lucas through the aquarium making sure to steal glances at everything knowing full well that they won't leave until they've spent ample time in their world.

Seventeen years ago they remember Spencer's father having to pick them up because they spent the whole day there. Paula and Christine got to know each other a bit better and the girls got to spend their time running around and then running into Lucas who gave them a tour even though his shift was over. Every year they came back and every year he'd show them around.

They enter the back scenes of the aquarium and Ashley smiles as Spencer gets more excited.

"I think you're more excited about seeing the otter pups than seeing me." Ashley puts a fake pout.

"You're my favorite otter of them all. My number one."

"Just in otters?"

"In everything."

Ashley sighs and motions her head for Spencer to move forward. The room looks exactly as if Spencer were back in the hospital. Everything sterile and white as workers in scrubs ran around taking care of the different animals. She felt right at home.

"Luke may I?" Ashley asks while she lifts her camera and Spencer watches as the brunette changes the lens on her camera.

"No problem. Oh! That's actually perfect the curator's been talking about some new shots for the website and brochure and he's been going through photographers. Do you think maybe you'd be interested."

Ashley's lost all sense of conversation. "Uhhhh… when were you thinking?"

She feels blue eyes on her. She's been so invested in the reveal of possible feelings that she forgot that eventually she will be leaving. Any signs that Ashley will be staying longer makes Spencer's ears perk up.

"Well he won't to be here next Saturday he's on vacation right now."

"I'll let you know."

Next week is not sounding too bad and Ashley knows it will give her more time with Spencer. More time for what exactly she's not sure but it's a chance she's not giving up on. Hearts are going to be broken and from the looks of it, it's about to be Scott's. Does Ashley feel bad? No. Spencer is hers it's always been like that and it always will be.

"Actually…" Spencer bites the inside of her cheek. She feels her heart racing and she swallows the lemon in her throat. "I'll be right back. Go see the pups, I'll be back okay?"

Spencer nods speechless and one of the vets assistants pulls the blonde towards the small pool where the otter pups were swimming. Ashley watches as Spencer keeps her gaze on her while she walks into the hallway to make a call. The brunette chuckles and unlocks her phone. Going to her recent calls she calls Chase and he picks up on the first ring.

"You need better things to do other than sitting by your phone waiting for me to call."

"I'm expecting a call from my mother." He argues then groans as Ashley laughs at his bad lie. "I'm just going to ignore you and ask why you're calling."

"We've got a job out here and you need to get on a plane."

The line stays silent for a minute and Ashley rolls her eyes. "Chase stop contemplating and pack your ass and get it on a plane."

"So if I pack my ass is that a carry-on or…"

"Shut it!" He chuckles and Ashley rolls her eyes.

"So things are going well I gather?"

"I guess. I mean things are going I don't know if I want to say well yet."

"I see…"

Ashley sighs heavily while her assistant stays silent waiting for her to continue.

"It's like she knows I'm in love with her and like she's in love with me and I don't know it's weird but good but confusing because it's all just like a possum in the road."

Chase erupts into laughter. He tries to catch his breath. "What the hell does that even mean?!"

"You know like when you're driving and a possum just comes out of nowhere and you don't know whether to run it over or dodge it."

"So basically you're calling being in love road kill?"

"Love is definitely a killer of some sort."

"You're depressing go indulge in the happiness I'll see you tomorrow."

"Alright thanks…bring the underwater equipment."

Chase squeals and then clears his throat making his voice deeper. "I'm going to leave before I embarrass myself some more."

"Too late."

Ashley ends the call and heads back in the room slipping her phone in her back pocket. She walks towards Spencer who is holding a bottle, her arm sticking through a small opening of the cage that covers the small pool that the pups are swimming in. Ashley grabs her camera and snaps a couple of pictures while Spencer bottle feeds the little creature. Ashley sighs at the sight.

Zooming in on her profile she clicks away and she sees the blonde turns her face giving Ashley a full view as she looks in her direction. If possible the surgeon's smile gets wider and the brunette doesn't miss the chance to get a photo of it.

"Get over here." Spencer orders through a giggle.

"Can't, I've got an amazing view."

Spencer blushes and the photographer doesn't miss it and decides this is definitely a shot she's keeping in color. Spencer smiles shaking her head, then her smile fades as she feels her phone go off in her pocket.

"Ash can you get that for me?"

The brunette just nods and lets her camera hang around her neck. She slips her hand into Spencer's front pocket and looks at the screen a bit relieved that Scott's name doesn't appear on the phone.

"It's Sammie…"

The blonde rolls her eyes and she motions her head for Ashley to answer the call. She warily picks up the call and places it against her ear.

"Spencer I need your direct address for the keg delivery and the rest of the liquor."

"What?" Ashley asks confusion written all over her face. Spencer looks away from the baby otter quickly to try and figure out what's happening.

"Spencer don't tell me you forgot about the party."

"Party?"

Ashley looks at her best friend and smirks. The blonde closes her eyes in defeat shaking her head.

"Spencer don't play dumb this party is happening whether you like it or not. How's your date with Ashley by the way?"

"My date with Ashley?"

Spencer's eyes shoot open. She almost drops the pup to grab the phone and shout at Sammie.

"Yeah well I mean you've been killing yourself to make sure you get off today so is it worth it?"

Ashley's face softens as she hears the new bit of information. Sammie calls out to who she thinks is her co-worker. Looking at the blonde as she removes her gloves and walks over to her best friend holding out her hand, Ashley turns her body and blocks the blonde from grabbing the phone.

"I don't know let me ask her. Spence is today worth it?"

The blonde doesn't hesitate to answer. Not even needing a further explanation. "Definitely."

Sammie stammers on the other line. "I'm talking to Ashley aren't I?"

Ashley chuckles and laughs. "Yes."

"Does Spencer look pissed?"

Ashley chances a glance at her best friend and she does look a little peeved.

"Just a little."

"Oh so not a lot I'm good. Ashley how the hell are you, you're coming to the party right? Good." Ashley laughs at Sammie's mandatory invitation. "Listen be a doll and just text me Spencer's address I think it best if I just steer clear until tonight. Ruining her day with you by calling is already a huge no, no. See you tonight!"

Before Ashley could say anything else Sammie hangs up. She hands the phone to Spencer with a smile.

"I'm going to kill her." She grunts then shoves her phone in her pocket. "I'm sorry about her she's not housebroken yet."

Ashley smirks shaking her head dismissively. "It's fine Penguin promise. So this party?"

"No we don't have to go. I mean I probably should but…"

"No let's do it I mean it is at your place and I haven't been there yet so I'd like a tour."

Spencer looks down shyly. It isn't long before Ashley brings her face back up again. Their eyes lock and Spencer feels the urge to lean in and capture Ashley's lips again. Yeah this is a problem. Everywhere they went it's as if they were the only two there. The otters, Lucas, and the assistants completely forgotten as Ashley brushes her nose against Spencer's again.

Spencer swallows thickly and sighs. Ashley pulls away first much to the blonde's disappointment. The surgeon closes her eyes and applies pressure to them with her thumb and fingers. A kiss against her head calms down her racing nerves and she looks up at the brunette.

"So you're staying?" She asks shyly.

Ashley just nods and Spencer wraps her arms tightly around the brunette's neck pulling her into a big hug. The photographer just wraps her arms around her waist and lifts her from the ground a little. Spencer mumbles a thank you against her neck.

"Anything for you Penguin."

Ashley freezes at the gentle kiss on her neck. Her body temperature quickly rises and she lets out a heavy sigh. The release from their embrace and the rest of the world becomes relevant again. They walk back over to the baby otters and watch as Lucas gives one of them a check-up.

The blonde coos over the tiny animal and she subconsciously links their hands together. Ashley leans close to Spencer's ear and whispers into it, her lips gently grazing against the shell of it.

"You're a penguin because you're always staying close to your mate when they come back from being away for so long."

Spencer smirks and turns to look at the brunette. She narrows her eyes at the quirked brow and quickly steals a kiss.

"Well can you blame me when my mate stays away for a whole year? Being in a large colony penguins need to remove themselves from the group to share a passionate moment together and you know what they do when they're alone?"

Ashley chuckles and lifts their hands to gently kiss them. "They hold hands."


	9. Letter 371

**A/N: I seriously I have the best readers, you guys leave the best reviews and I swear they make the writing so much more worth it than it already is. This is just a little something I'll probably do it two or three more times throughout the story. They are relevant so it's not a random thing that I just threw in. I know my updates have been sporadic but end of the semester and professors like to ruin lives but I'm almost done and I'll be able to focus on just this story and be a little more frequent than once a week. I'm working on an update now but I wanted to give you guys something to hopefully make the wait a bit more bearable, thanks so much for reading and hopefully you like this. Until next time.**

* * *

**Letter # 371**

_Dear Penguin,_

_ So I hate that I'm home right now. It's only been a couple days but I miss you like crazy. I told my girlfriend that I came out to you and she was really excited. She knows how important you are to me and she was super happy that I talked to you about her. Well I mean we spoke like ten words together about her but she doesn't need to know that. She's been asking a lot of questions about you since I told her and I don't know what to tell her. I don't ever really have to share you or talk about you to anyone because everyone in my life just knows who you are. She sees me write you while we hang out and I think she's a little jealous. She probably should be because I mean you're the only girl in my life that will stay forever._

_ I just want to say I love you. Thank you for being so amazing about me liking girls. I was super nervous the whole time waiting for you. I know I kind of blurted it out but eight years of my mush mouth you know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying when I don't speak. I love that about us. I hope that never goes away. _

_ Can you believe we went behind the scenes of the aquarium? You were so freaking adorable when we spent the night there. Good call on doing that this year by the way especially since I couldn't stay with you this summer. Freaking summer school. I swear the teacher has it out for me, I think she has the hots for me Penguin I'm just saying because there was no way in hell I failed that class. Okay fine maybe cutting so many of the classes was a bad idea but all the times I did I had something important to do. Like sleep, or you know get more stamps at the post office. I mean you off all people know how important stamps are. The post office is always closed when I get out of school and my parents always forget. I'm going to ship them off to a nursing home because of this fact. Mark my words. _

_ I hope you're over the fact that I almost told Lucas about your little crush on him but I mean you can't stay mad at me anyway. You love me with all you heart and then some. So no seriously Lucas…no I don't approve. And my approval matters so don't act like it doesn't. I'm going to be hard on any guy that tries to steal you away from me just so you know. Just like I know you'd be hard on any girl that tried to take your place. I'm just saying Spence I know how you get. Remember while we were at dinner and that older chick was flirting with me? You grabbed my hand and pulled me close pretending to be my girlfriend. That was hysterical. Holding me close and kissing my cheek you were a mess. I mean I know I told you I liked girls that day but doesn't mean you got to start being a clam jammer already. Let me have a little fun sheesh. No I love you for it you were just being protective._

_ I know no one will care about me the way you do and it warms my heart. What more can I ask for than a best friend like you? I remember my first letter to you. I actually stole your name from Virgil remember him? Ugh he was such a weirdo, I remember he used to lick the glue sticks like a lollipop. Who does that? Anyway I stole you, so every dude in the future better watch out. I've got serious game. The only reason I'm bringing this up is because I remember talking to my mom about having pen pals and how my dad used to write her letters before they got together and she told me how he used to write 'Sincerely Yours'. She told me that if I ever write that sign off that I'd have to make sure I mean it. I don't think I'll ever mean it with anyone other than you Spence. I mean I can be anyone with you and you'll always be there and I can give every part of myself with you that I can't with other people I don't think I'll ever find that with anyone else so in every form of the word Spence I'm sincerely yours. I'll talk to you soon. Love you Penguin. It was amazing seeing you as usual can't wait to see you next year. _

_Sincerely Yours, _

_Otter. _

_Dear Otter,_

_ I hate that you're home too. That overnight stay was way too short. Well I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me something like that. I can't imagine how hard it was for you to tell me though you practically screamed it at me as soon as I walked up to you. Which was pretty funny, it's cute when you're nervous. I don't know why you're nervous around me it's so silly. Okay sometimes I get a little nervous around you but I mean that's as silly as you getting nervous around me. Anyway no more being nervous we're best friends what the hell is up with that? That's nice that your girlfriend's excited. Tell her as excited as she is our relationship is none of her business. I don't understand why people feel the need to understand us, like if we wanted you to know we'd tell you willingly. I feel the same way, you'll be in my life forever as well. I've gotten used to you and basically at this point you can't get rid of me. _

_ I almost killed you! I can't believe you were going to let my Lucas crush slip. He's just so cute, don't roll your eyes at me! So what he's older it's not like anything is going to actually happen. Besides as you said you wouldn't approve but you'd have to give me a better reason than age. You'll always get final say because you know what makes me happy and my best interest is in mind when you do think about me. _

_ You need to stop cutting class. I know you hate it and it does nothing for you but every summer we had something like camp, or family trips or whatever and the one time you could stay you did this and now you can't spend the summer with me. Now I have to find something to do. Maybe I can work at the aquarium with Lucas! So putting your parents in a nursing home is not going to solve anything you need to quit being an ass. _

_ Moving on…I kiss you on the cheek anyway. I mean we were each other's first kiss so really a kiss on the cheek not a big deal. I swear though even if we were just testing out kissing I haven't kissed anyone that kissed as well as you. Don't go getting your ego too inflated I haven't kissed that many people but between you and the two other guys I sorta went out with last year they still haven't measured up to twelve year old Ashley. I'm going to stop talking about this because I know you're going to spend four pages talking about your technique and why you're as good as you are. So I will most definitely be grilling anyone that tries to steal you from me and I stress try because again it'll never happen just like I'll never get stolen from you. You and me Ash…we're something pretty special and thank you for stealing me from Virgil he was a weirdo and good thing I didn't stick with him maybe I would be licking glue too. They are a gateway drug after all. _

_ Well Otter I know what you mean. I don't know what it is about us but writing these letters and seeing you once a year means more to me than anything, or anyone. You're my better half, like a married couple except we don't fight like one. I love that we don't fight. Everything with you just fits. It's easy and it feels right and I know I'm yours even if you took me away from someone else I was always meant to be yours. Something in you made you want to take me, keep me and that was what was meant to be, the feeling behind it and here we are eight years later and we still have forever. I love you more Otter. _

_Sincerely Yours, _

_Penguin. _


	10. Shipping and Handling

**I have to say that I have the best readers any writer can ask for you guys seriously leave the best reviews I'm going to become real pompous with the things you say. I know it's been a while but this a really long update and hopefully it'll hold you over until late next week because well it's finals and though I'd rather write this story I gotta finish up but then I'm FREE! And my updates will be more frequent. I'm glad you guys liked the letters I know some of you were a bit disappointed with the length but the letter updates won't ever be as long as the chapters themselves so for future purposes just wanted you all to know that. They also are very much relevant to the plot of the story...little clues if you will. **

** I just want to say that I have the world's greatest beta she busts her ass to get this back to me so quickly so keepxmexawake aka cookie thank you I appreciate you and your thoroughness and your speed. You're awesome, I honestly can't tell you how much your work makes my story flow so much smoother. You're an important part of the process. **

**I try not to make my stories predictable so just stick with me yeah? Cool. This is my favorite chapter so far so hopefully you all will enjoy I'm excited to have you guys read it as I was to write so I'll stop now. Enjoy and let me know what you think!**

**This one I dedicate to my muse she's pretty awesome and really helps me get my ideas flowing. She listens to me go on and on about this story and I've got nothing but love her. Thanks sweets.**

* * *

**Shipping and Handling**

"It's always so great to see you guys." Lucas hugs Spencer tightly and the brunette narrows her eyes a bit at the long embrace.

She squeezes Spencer's hand softly, it seems they've been connected their entire visit. Which doesn't come as a surprise to Ashley but everything that is normally shared between them seems to carry more meaning now. She doesn't want to get ahead of herself, that's the last thing that she wants to do. Those who assume being asses and all, she really doesn't want to be a fool. Things are feeling a little too good to be true, Scott's still an issue, so she's basically waiting for the other shoe to drop. Can't help but be a pessimist of romance when you're in love with your best friend, Ashley firmly believes it's dangerous not to be, unless everything is out in the open a pessimist she shall remain.

Lucas finally releases the blonde and Ashley rolls her eyes at the unnecessarily long hug. A few seconds longer and Ashley would have to result to slinging some remarks at the old friend soon to be enemy. She has enough when it comes to Spencer.

"Thanks for letting me see the otters Lucas."

Spencer takes a step closer to her best friend, their arms brushing against each other. Ashley is appreciative of the close contact. Breathing is so much easier this way.

"Not a problem. I've got to get going but Ashley I'll see you Saturday?"

Ashley is too busy scowling at the veterinarian to answer right away. The surgeon's shoulder bumping with hers brings her out of her death glare. She looks to her friend quickly then back at Lucas clearing her throat coming back to reality.

"Uh yeah, my assistant will be here tomorrow and we'll scout around on Monday to get an idea of what we want to snap."

Lucas just nods enthusiastically and flashes the couple a smile. "That sounds great looking forward to working with you."

Ashley forms a thin line with her mouth and nods once. "Right. See you then. Come on Spence."

Ashley quickly turns pulling the blonde with her. Spencer sends a final wave at Lucas and he chuckles waving back. The photographer pulls the blonde through the halls and walks at a fast pace. Spencer is lingering a few inches behind.

"Ah Otter. I need my arm for surgery." She says with a giggle and Ashley bites her bottom lip nervously and mumbles out an apology. She slows down allowing her soul mate to catch up with her.

"So…what's up with you and Lucas over there?"

Spencer jerks her head back in surprise at the question.

"Uh where'd that come from?"

Ashley just shrugs nonchalantly. "Probably the same place as that long ass hug."

Spencer giggles and tugs on Ashley's hand. "Otter it was not that long of a hug."

"The Titanic sank faster." She spits out quickly making the blonde throw her head back laughing. Ashley tries to hide her smirk.

Spencer contains her laughter and starts to walk towards the exit with Ashley as they get ready to embark on the second half of their annual visit. She tilts her back from side to side and the photographer looks at her with furrowed brows and a smile that's trying not to creep across her face.

"You jealous?" The blonde as she licks her lips and Ashley snorts.

Spencer closes the distance between them and kisses the brunette's cheek. Ashley wraps her arm around Spencer's waist and holds her there. Spencer buries her face in Ashley's neck and her lips brush against it as she asks again.

"Otter…are you?"

They sway gently not really moving, just their torsos slowly rocking from side to side.

"What do you think?" Ashley asks quietly.

"I know what I think I want to know how you feel." She pulls back from the embrace enough to look into her favorite set of brown eyes. Her eyes dart down to Ashley's lips quickly. She misses the smirk the brunette momentarily sports.

"How I feel huh?" Her voice is raspy and she swallows the dryness in her throat.

Ashley bites the inside of her lip as she looks into Spencer's eyes. She swallows the lump in her throat tears stinging her eyes. Just what she needs to cry right now, everything inside her is buzzing as she steps away from Spencer and paces a little. Her chest constricts and she forces herself to inhale but nothing releases the pain she's feeling. It shouldn't hurt this much to tell Spencer how in love she is with her. Is it the fact that she going tell her or the unknown of what will happen once she says it out loud?

She stops in her tracks and looks everywhere but at her best friend. She'll lose her resolve if she does. Spencer doesn't seem to care about her best friend's resolve as she crosses the space that was created between them. A whole year not by her so she won't allow Ashley to stay too far away. She knows that the photographer is fully aware of this fact and her behavior right now is no excuse to break that common knowledge.

She grabs Ashley and the brunette flinches a little startled at the blonde's gesture. She shakes her head and pulls away. Spencer's crestfallen face kills her. She opens her mouth to speak then closes it just as quickly not sure of what to say.

"Otter please…" Her voice is strained as she begs for an explanation.

"I…I can't."The words fall from her lips in a barely there whisper. The walls of the empty hallway carry them to Spencer's ears.

"What?"

Ashley lets out a laugh of disbelief and shakes her head. She runs a hand through her hair and grits her teeth in frustration. Her jaw tight she whispers harshly.

"You know what. Don't act like you don't."

A quick glance to the floor alerts Ashley that Spencer has an inclination at what she's referring to.

"It's me Ashley."

"I'm well aware Spencer. It's because of that I can't tell you how I feel."

"Since when?" Her voice is small and hurt. Ashley doesn't mean to hurt her but all this anxiety and nervousness is consuming her. She wants to just grab Spencer and kiss her but that's not the approach that needs to be taken. The words need to be said.

"Since always Spencer! I can never tell you."

"Then what the fuck are we Ash?" The brunette's brows pop up in surprise taken aback by the blonde's harsh words. "What is this? What are we that you keep your feelings from me? Don't play that with me."

"Don't play with me! You know! Look at me and tell me that you don't know."

She stares at the brunette, her face stony too upset to actually say anything. Her jaw clenches, her heart races, of course she knows just like Ashley knows.

Through gritted teeth she finally speaks up.

"Tell me." Her order shoots through Ashley and she does an about-face in frustration. She presses her hand against her eyes. She's got the green light why isn't she going for it? She feels Spencer place a hand on her back and she moves forward.

"Ashley!"

They were both thankful that they were in a location that doesn't allow general public access. They don't want to cause a scene but for Ashley, Spencer's presence was already too much of an audience.

"What?! What do you want? What do you want from me?!" Her voice changes octaves as her fear creeps into her speech.

"Why are you doing this? Why aren't you talking to me? Since when don't you talk to me?" A tear escapes Spencer's eyes and she doesn't bother to wipe it away.

Ashley is hurting her. This known secret is tearing them apart and it doesn't need to. They both just need to say the words.

"I'm doing this because I don't know what's going to happen. Just look at me. Don't you see what I'm feeling, don't you feel what I'm feeling. It's radiating off me so much."

"Tell me!" She shouts through her tears. Her hands clenched in tight fists as her frustration grows within Ashley.

"I love you! With everything in me I love you! I'm in love with you Spencer!"

Her shoulders drop, her head follows, and along come the tears as she releases everything that's been building inside for so long. She's taken the plunge she can't go back now. The timing completely out of the blue but so was the genesis of her feelings. There won't ever be a perfect time.

Spencer just rushes towards Ashley collecting her lovingly in her arms. She feels her best friend's heart pounding against her chest. Their close proximity allows her to know that Ashley nerves are jumping erratically. Ashley inhales slowly to slow down the pace of her heart. Her fingers glide through brown hair and she sighs as she feels Ashley nuzzle her face in her slender neck. The tears roll from the brunette's eyes on the Spencer's neck. Ashley knows Spencer can feel the speed of her heart and she knows that Spencer's fast heart is felt against her chest in the same way. She pulls her face from the surgeon's neck then leans her forehead against the surgeon's and blonde takes initiative to place a quick kiss on Ashley's lips.

She smiles softly in appreciation and brings her lips further into her mouth forming a thin line. Ashley chuckles softly and groans reaching to connect their hands and leading the pair of them to rest behind her neck.

Pulling back Ashley stares into crystal blue eyes her tears mirror Spencer's. She takes a deep shaky breath and releases it slowly.

"I'm not keeping silent anymore. I know I didn't need to tell you what I feel I know you know. I know you feel it. I'm not going to lie anymore. I'm madly in love with you Spencer. I wish I can pin point the exact time that I fell in love with you. I think about you all the time, I need you all the time and I can't picture my life without you. Nothing makes sense without you."

Her chest heaves as she rushes it all out in one breath. She looks into blue eyes nervously. The search for a sign of anything, fear, shock, mutual affection but her search is cut off when Spencer's phone goes off and blue eyes dart towards the origin of the sound.

"Don't answer that." Ashley pleads.

Spencer answers her best friend's request by pulling her closer and burying her face in Ashley's neck. It's her favorite spot to be. The brunette always smells so good, she always smells like lavender with a hint of coffee. The combination is quite odd but so amazing on the photographer. She just shakes her head no.

"I wasn't going to."

Ashley lets her arms drop to her sides then around Spencer waist. She can still feel Spencer's heart pounding and she doesn't know whether to take this as a good thing or a bad thing. The blonde still hasn't said anything in regards to her confession. The silence is literally killing her. She feels her heart slowly breaking with every second that passes that the surgeon doesn't respond with an answer. She prefers an answer that yields good news.

"Otter…" Spencer mumbles against her best friend's neck the brushing of her lips causing Ashley's eyes to flutter closed.

"Tell me."

"Where do we go from here?"

Ashley pulls away from Spencer not really sure where this conversation is going. They completely jumped a step, the one revealing Spencer's feelings. Ashley steps back and blue eyes narrow confused. She tries to step closer but is met with a step in the opposite direction.

"Ash?"

The brunette swallows the fast growing lump in her throat. Silence after a love confession is never a good thing. She's trying not to overreact.

"I need…" Ashley clears her throat the pain growing quickly as she tries not to cry more. She releases a shaky breath and looks down. Spencer takes this opportunity to grab her by the face forcing their eyes to lock.

Two pairs of eyes gather more tears as they stare at each other hard. It doesn't take long before they spill over like the rest.

"You need me to say it?" Her voice so weak, she doesn't even recognize it.

"You know I do…it can't not be said."

Spencer connects their lips and both their bodies catch fire. Ashley presses her lips harder against Spencer's as her fingers get lost in blonde tresses. The kiss is passionate and slightly hurried, they try to slow down savoring the moment as their lips glide perfectly against each other.

"I'm so in love with you." Spencer whispers against Ashley's lips then quickly goes back to kissing her best friend with fervor.

It's like breathing in fresh air after being suffocated for so long. She inhales everything Ashley as the brunette smoothly flicks her tongue out gliding it against bottom lip. She doesn't hesitate to let Ashley kiss her and make her feel a way she's only felt once when she was kissed. By the one person kissing her now, you never forget your first kiss and Ashley has gotten extremely better with age. Spencer whimpers and her knees go weak as their tongues connect. She's grateful for Ashley's firm grasp. The photographer pulls the surgeon impossibly closer as she kisses her deeply, someone moans but neither of them notice as Ashley gently backs Spencer against a nearby wall. Spencer grips brown hair gently tugging as she nips her best friend's bottom lip. Their noses brush against each other as they change positions. The brunette grips Spencer's hips letting her thumbs graze over smooth skin as they slip under her tight shirt.

They break apart breathless. Tears streaming down both their faces and they both choke out a laugh wiping away at their partner's eyes. Soft kisses shared between motions the saltiness from their tears lingering on swollen lips. Ashley brushes her nose against Spencer's.

"When…"

Spencer just shrugs slowly shaking her head. "I don't know I guess always. I'm stupidly realizing it now."

"As long as you realize it." Ashley answers with a light giggle. She smiles as Spencer leans in and kisses her again. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner."

Ashley just shakes her head leaning in to capture pink lips with hers. They reluctantly break apart and smile goofily at each other.

"Now what?" Spencer asks with a smile.

"Want to grab some lunch?" Ashley asks and Spencer nods laughing. One final kiss and they walk hand and hand towards the exit. They are silent as they make their way through the aquarium stealing subtle glances at each other before looking straight ahead acting as if they weren't looking in the first place.

Once they reach outside Ashley walks the blonde to her motorcycle. She examines the mode of transportation and nods in approval.

"You're taking good care of her."

"Well I take care of everything you give me." She says with a smile and squeezes her hand softly. "Everything." She repeats staring into brown eyes making sure her message is understood.

Ashley sighs in appreciation nodding in understanding. "I wouldn't trust it with anyone else. And me too for the record." She answers after a moment.

Spencer smirks. "You were the only one that's had it this whole time so I'm pretty sure it's in safe hands."

Ashley closes the distance between them. "I'll always keep your heart safe."

"Ditto." Spencer answers against her lips before kissing her again. Getting lost in each other for the umpteenth time that day, a phone ringing brings them out of their moment.

Ashley groans annoyed and rips her phone from her pocket then answers. "I hope you don't value your life because I'm about to end it!"

Spencer giggles and wraps Ashley's arms around her waist and kisses the brunette's neck in an attempt to calm her down. She isn't sure if this is something that would work she just has an instinct to do so and it seems to be effective as she feels Ashley relax.

"No I can't." She hears Ashley say. "I'm not taking any jobs at the moment." Ashley feels Spencer's lips spread into a smile against her neck. She can't help but mirror the action. "I appreciate the offer but I can't right now. When?"

Spencer pulls away from Ashley as she feels the brunette's lips press against her temple. She watches as Ashley walks a few feet away pacing back and forth talking on the phone. She clenches her jaw and looks down replaying the last few hours in her head. Emotions flood her body she's not sure what to feel. Euphoria is definitely overtaking her being but how long will Ashley turn jobs down, how long before she's gone for months at a time. Will she stay? And if so for how long? Spencer's heart races as questions flood her mind. She just got Ashley but how long with Ashley stay kept. She's taken out of her thoughts as the brunette approaches.

She looks up stretching out a forced smile. Brown eyes narrow as she examines the gesture.

"You want to talk about it?" Ashley asks as she readjusts her messenger bag on her shoulder. Blue eyes lock with brown and Ashley takes everything nodding. "Well I guess the revelation of our feelings was the easy part of this extremely difficult situation huh? Even that was hard, guess something about us had to be difficult."

Spencer snorts shaking her head as she unfastens her helmet from the back of her bike. She shakes her head and she freezes as her blonde hair is moved onto one side of her neck and lips gently press against it.

"You have nothing to worry about…I, on the other hand." She lets the rest of her statement linger in the air unsure because that's exactly what she was. Unsure of what Spencer was going to do. She knows what she's going to do, she's always known. She'd still travel but only a reasonable amount, opening a studio here letting that be the bulk of her business. Spencer is the wild card. She's always been.

"So when do you leave?" Spencer's voice is cold and frustrated.

Ashley steps back and sighs. She runs a hand through her short hair. "Did you not hear me decline the job?"

"I did…but I didn't hear you accept it for a later date because you walked away." She quirks her eyebrow threatening Ashley to deny the claim.

"Yeah I accepted the job…three weeks from now." She leans her head a little forward as if stretching her ear to her an outburst from the blonde. She doesn't hear one then stands back proud of herself. "I'm still me Spence."

"Yeah, and I'm used to you leaving."

"That's not fair."

"It's not? One day a year Ashley that's all you need?"

"You know it's not you know I miss you profusely."

"Then why didn't you stay longer? All these years wasted we could've been together."

"Don't blame that on me Spencer. That's not even how it is. You just realized your feelings for me meanwhile I've been keeping mine a secret for years afraid I'd lose you."

"Like you could ever lose me Ashley, you think I can survive without you?!"

"You think I can survive without you?!"

They don't know how they went from kissing to yelling but now they were at each other's throats, questions, fears, insecurities, and doubts quickly flood both their minds.

"You don't think I wanted to tell you sooner but you always had some new loser who doesn't understand you in my place."

Spencer's eyes narrow in anger. "Maybe if you said something we wouldn't have wasted so much time!"

"You've got a mouth, fucking open it. You could have said something yourself!"

"I didn't know!"

"That I was in love with you or you were in love me?" She questions wondering if either mattered.

"Both." She answers pathetically. "I just…I knew I loved you I just didn't realize to what extent and these last several months the closer we got to seeing each other I no longer focused on you coming I focused on the part of you leaving and for once I didn't want you to come because all I was worried about was the state I'd be in when you left. I barely made it last time, you don't know what it's like being some place that reminds me of you all the time while you change your view every time. Nowhere you go will remind you of me."

"I don't need a reminder Spencer, all I ever think about is you. From the minute I wake up to the minute I go to sleep and when I sleep I dream about you. You are my everything! Everything."

Ashley instinctively grabs Spencer's and they close the gap kissing each other softly.

"You're my everything Penguin."

"I'm sorry, I'm sure it wasn't easy. It's because you were strong enough to say it first that got me to speak." Spencer whispers and Ashley just nods and the blonde kisses her again. "I love you."

"I love you."

They stand in silence their fingers loosely linked together. The both look down at their hands admiring how perfectly they fit together. How perfectly they've always fit together. Ashley is the first to break the silence.

"You know I never enjoy leaving you right? It's hard to walk away. I know it's hard to watch but actually walking away is unbearable."

"Then don't walk away anymore."

Ashley finally looks up and the vulnerability of Spencer's words drowns her. She gulps and cups the blonde's cheek gently caressing it with her thumb.

"Don't give me reason to." She answers honestly and Spencer presses her cheek further into Ashley's hand sighing sadly. She just nods and drops the photographer's hand.

"Let's grab something to eat I have to be back at the house to let my loser friends in, you know we can totally…."

"We're not skipping the party." Ashley interrupts with a laugh. "It'll be fun. You can finally show me off."

"Mmm no I don't like sharing you so I'm sure I'll be pretty bitchy to everyone tonight."

"Tonight?"

Spencer lightly hits Ashley's arm with her helmet. "Jerk."

"You love me."

Spencer grunts and sits the helmet at the top of her head. She taps her lips with her index finger ordering the brunette to kiss them and Ashley obediently complies. They both break into a smile and Spencer slips her helmet on starting up the motorcycle's engine.

"Meet you at our usual spot?" Ashley asks as she backs towards her rental car. Spencer just nods kicking up the kickstand the balls of her feet planted on the ground as she balances the bike. "Carlin!" Ashley shouts over the revving of Spencer's engine.

Spencer slips the shield of her mask up her blue eyes peering through. She lifts her head up once at the brunette urging her to continue.

"You're freaking sexy as hell on that bike."

Spencer is shaking her head but Ashley is sure she's smiling underneath her mask. She watches as she places the shield back in its rightful place and slowly peels away before picking up speed. She easily guides the bike out of the lot and into the main traffic.

Ashley unlocks her car and hops in the driver seat. She grips the steering wheel as she thinks about everything that just happened. This is definitely the easy part, all hell is bound to break loose.

"I am not eating that quit it!" Ashley moves her face away from the set of chopsticks in front of her face.

Spencer giggles as she moves it closer to Ashley's mouth. "You're called Otter for a reason, now eat the squid."

She pouts and it causes the blonde to laugh harder almost dropping the seafood from the thin utensil.

"Nooooooooo get it away from me."

Ashley practically leans out of the booth moving away from Spencer as she tries to force feed her a piece of circular seafood.

Spencer tuts and puts the food in her mouth. The brunette smiles triumphant and kisses the blonde on the cheek. She smoothly drops her hand on Spencer's thigh and gives it a gentle squeeze. The blonde can't help the gently blush that brushes across her cheeks.

"Tell me again." She orders and Ashley just giggles leaning close to Spencer's ear her lips brushing against it as she tells her again.

"I'm so in love with you Penguin."

Spencer turns her head and captures Ashley's lips with hers. The action so natural, no thought occurs to either of them as they revel in it freely.

"I'm in love with you too Otter."

Spencer places a soft peck on Ashley's swollen lips and goes to eat her food. Ashley can't help the smile that spreads across her face as she plays with the small hairs on the back of Spencer's neck.

"So how was Canada?"

Ashley shrugs. "Canadian."

The blonde smirks shaking her head. "Huh that's surprising I could have sworn it would be more Venezuelan."

"I was shocked myself at the let down." She darts her eyes at Spencer's lips and the blonde smirks.

"They're going to kick us out of the restaurant and this place has the best calamari don't get me kicked out." Spencer whimpers and raises her forkful of fried rice towards her mouth and happily eats it.

"You're passing up my kisses for fried rice?"

"And calamari!" She shouts in excitement once she finishes chewing. She grabs another piece of seafood and attempts to feed Ashley again. "Come on Otter."

"I can see the suction thingy on its tentacles! No!"

"It's not even octopus it's squid." She informs her and holds it closer to Ashley's face.

Leaning back again "Yeah no, that's not helping." She raises her hand for the waiter to grab the check. "So what time is this party tonight?"

Spencer rolls her eyes as she pushes her finished plate away and adjusts herself in the booth looking at Ashley.

"Not entirely sure most of them get off at seven so we still have a few hours to kill do you maybe want to just head back to my place and talk for a little bit? Catch up some more?"

Before Ashley answers Spencer's phone goes off. She sighs heavily and looks down at the caller ID and ignores the call. Ashley gently slides away from the blonde. She grabs the check that was placed on the table earlier. She slips her card inside and slides it further on the table for the waiter to take it. She quickly becomes quiet as his name flashes in her mind. She caught a glimpse of it as Spencer ignored his call. He was always an issue but his absence made it easy to forget his existence. The blonde senses the change in Ashley's mood as she grabs the woman's attention gently caressing her cheek with the back of her fingers.

"Hey…" Spencer whispers softly, Ashley turns her head slowly waiting for the surgeon to continue. "Stay with me."

Her shoulders drop as she lets Spencer's request overtake her. Her request to not lose sight of who they are, what they mean to each other, and the inevitable fact that they will be together, and problem is how are they going to get there. She just nods slowly and allows her best friend to close the gap between them. Right now Ashley decides not to worry about it. Right now her biggest fear of Spencer not loving her back is vanquished. That's not the problem anymore so for right now she'll stay and not think about anything other than her and Spencer.

"And this is my office." Spencer walks into the room and twirls around once flashing a smile at the brunette.

Ashley giggles and steps into the room with her arms crossed over her chest. She drags her boot clad feet against the wooden floor.

"Why do you need an office, you're never home?"

"Well I need some place for all of these." She answers as she opens up her cabinet and the brunette's eyebrows raise in surprise.

"OCD much?" Ashley jokes as she walks over to the open cabinet to run her hands down the boxes of letters.

She flinches as Spencer hits her on the arm. "I like to be organized. When I want to read a certain _Ashley_ I know exactly where to find her."

"It's weird you're referring to me in the third person. I'm standing right here."

Spencer squeals and grabs Ashley by the face. "You _are_ standing right here! Ugh I missed you so much Ash."

Ashley wraps her arms around Spencer's waist and pulls her close. Gently kissing her, one peck turns to two, two to three, three to captured lips, sensual kisses makes the blonde moan as she drops her hands from Ashley's face and laces them behind Ashley's neck. They break apart and Ashley gives Spencer an Eskimo kiss making the blonde smile.

"I always love when you do that." Ashley smiles and gives the blonde a quick kiss. "Though these are quickly becoming my favorite."

"Of course they are it's me giving them to you."

Spencer snorts and gently scratches Ashley's neck with short nails. "You're so modest."

Ashley grunts and pulls herself away from Spencer and walks over to the desk pulling the chair out and taking a seat. She motions for the blonde to sit on her lap and she does so obediently. She sits sideways and lowers her body against Ashley as they fall back into the large chair. Ashley wraps one arm Spencer's waist and lets the other drape over her tucked legs.

Spencer lifts her hand and plays with the diamond studded earring on Ashley's left ear. The brunette smirks as she closes her eyes and relaxes into the gesture that Spencer has developed since they were kids. The brunette getting pierced before the blonde and she couldn't help but play with the pierced lobe. Another thing only the blonde was allowed to do.

"Penguin?"

"Hmm?"

"You know we have to sooner or later right?"

Spencer sighs heavily. "Can I just enjoy you…us? I think we owe that to each other."

"Okay. I'm here for some time anyway so we'll talk about it when you're ready."

"Are you ready now?" Spencer asks quietly, keeping the mood mellow as they melt into each other. She smiles as Ashley gently rubs her hand up and down her thigh. Her body raises a little as the photographer shrugs.

"I mean regardless if we're ready or not we have to talk about what we're going to do about us. Decide what this is, if we're going to be together, there's a lot to consider."

Spencer sits quietly she notices that Ashley left a factor out and she's a little grateful, his name would definitely ruin the mood they've developed right now. She won't have to deal with Scott until next week and by then she's sure she'll figure out how to end things properly.

The surgeon's silence makes the brunette a bit nervous and she gently places a kiss on her temple.

"Do you want to be with me?"

"Yes." Spencer answers before Ashley can even put the inflection on her words to make it sound like a question. The blonde captures Ashley's lips and pulls away far enough to look into brown eyes. "I love you and I want to be with you."

"Yeah?" Her brows furrow slightly as the words permeate her heart.

"Yes." Both their eyes sting a little as they fight off another set of tears. There's a lot of emotional crying today. Ashley drops her head against the chair. She shakes her head. "What?" Spencer asks with a little chuckle.

Ashley narrows her eyes at the blonde. "Is this really happening right now? Is my best friend sitting on my lap telling me she wants to be with me?"

Spencer shook her head. "No. I'm sitting on my soul mate's lap telling her I need to be with her."

"Third person." Ashley shoots out quickly and Spencer rolls her eyes.

"Shut up and kiss me."

Ashley groans and complies. Their actions cease rather quickly much to their disapproval as the bell to the apartment goes off. Spencer reluctantly removes herself from Ashley's lap but grabs her hand and pulls her towards the front door.

Once in the living room Ashley leans against the back of the sofa as Spencer goes to answer the door.

"I've got an order for Samantha Finnegan for some liquor."

Ashley smirks at her best friend's groan at the delivery man at the door. She tells him that she'll sign for it and he walks in with a hand truck with three crates of assorted liquor and two cases of beer. He walks further into apartment and waits for instruction.

"Just put them in the kitchen." Spencer orders exasperatedly, he just nods and walks in the direction he is pointed in.

"Looks like we've got a party huh?" Ashley asks with a chuckle.

"I'm so sorry I know it's usually just us on our day…"

Ashley shakes her head no and links her hand with Spencer's. "Every day is our day now." Spencer blushes softly as she takes a step forward. "Plus I'd really like to meet your friends."

"Yeah?"

"Mhm." Ashley answers with a nod as Spencer places her legs on either side of Ashley's.

The delivery guy walks back into the room and clears his throat. Spencer looks over at him and gives him a soft smile.

"I have maybe five more trips, do you mind leaving the door open?"

"Five?!"

Ashley and the delivery guy—whose name is Kevin according to his nametag—jump slightly at the blonde's outburst.

Kevin looks at Ashley nervously and lifts her head towards the door. He takes her cue and runs out with his hand truck dragging behind him.

"I'm going to kill Sammie."

"Aw Spence come on be a sport. It'll be fun." Spencer sighs and pouts. "No pouting."

She sticks her lip out further and Ashley chuckles softly and kisses the tip of Spencer's nose.

"I don't want to party."

"It'll be good to relax Spence. You need it you work so hard. Come on let's go unpack the drinks."

"Ugh fine, but I get to start drinking now. I'll be less likely to kill Sammie if I'm buzzed."

Ashley chuckles as she follows the blonde into the kitchen. "It's almost four in the afternoon and you're starting already."

"Don't judge me Davies…you'll understand when you meet her."

"I love her!" Sammie shouts as she wraps an arm around Ashley's shoulders. The brunette laughs and mirrors Sammie's gesture. "Seriously girl where've you been hiding?"

Ashley shrugs as she takes another sip of her beer avoiding the question. She feels the red head's eyes on her though and catches the glare coming from her best friend. She just throws her a wink and Spencer smiles. Spencer has absolutely nothing to be jealous about. Samantha was beautiful in every way, shape, and form but Ashley knows where her heart lies and nothing can change that.

The music fills the apartment people are scattered throughout front rooms of the apartment. Mavis, Evan, Ashley, Sammie, and Spencer are lingering in the dining room where Sammie had set up the pseudo bar. The living room turned into the dance floor and it all felt very high school but Ashley was still able to enjoy herself. All of Spencer's friends took to her quite well. She was hit on very quickly by the guys and once they found out she was gay that didn't stop them though it's more in good fun now. Sammie on the other hand has been draping herself over the brunette, she finds it very flattering but she reassures the blonde with soft whispers of "I love yous" and gentle kisses to the cheek. Not wanting to draw too much attention to them she doesn't want Spencer's friends to question her about Scott fearful that the topic will make the blonde retreat.

"Guys check out my running man." Mavis starts to pump his arms kicking his legs out and the group looks at him with wide eyes.

"No…no! Stop that! What'd I tell you about embarrassing me?"

Ashley chuckles as Evan gently smacks Mavis upside the head. Sammie drops her arms and Spencer sighs in relief. Despite all the gestures Ashley made throughout the night Samantha is one to woo girls and so is Ashley. The combination of them is deadly. She gets closer to Ashley and wraps her arms around the brunette's waist possessively.

Ashley looks into her eyes and smiles softly. She wraps her arms around Spencer's shoulder hugging her closely.

"I love you." Ashley tells her making her smile.

"Spence!"

Ashley sees the color drain from her best friend's face and her heart pangs a little as she gets pushed away a little forcibly getting her arm removed from around Spencer.

"What are you doing here?" Spencer finally asks as she walks towards her fiancé.

"I've been calling you all day." He leans down and captures Spencer's lips in a kiss. She steals a glance at Ashley who is looking at them with hurt eyes.

Spencer feels her heart speed up and she's sure it's about to combust. She looks at Sammie who is looking back at her with risen brows. Evan and Mavis are doing their own thing unaware of the change of mood in the air. Her gaze returns to Scott as he calls her again.

"Babe you didn't get any of my messages?"

Ashley grits her teeth at the pet name. She turns away and grabs another beer. Spencer watches as Sammie walks towards Ashley and whisper in her ear causing the brunette to smile. Jealousy burns within Spencer then guilt as she realizes that she's doing worse than Ashley smiling at something Sammie said.

"Babe?"

"Huh?"

He chuckles at her lack of attention. "There's was a mix up at work and I don't need to be there until next week instead. So I flew back early. I've been calling you."

"Ashley…"

His brows raise in excitement as he strains his neck to look for her. "She's here? Awesome! Let me get changed and introduce us?" He asks hopefully.

Spencer smiles and nods slowly.

"Great." He kisses her quickly. "By the way awesome party great idea babe we seriously needed to let loose."

She nods and watches as he leaves the room. She turns and dashes towards her best friend.

"Otter…"

Ashley just shakes her head as she takes a swig of beer. "Don't."

"Ashley please I…" She pleads but the photographers face stops her from continuing.

"I get it's complicated, so no worries yeah? Cool."

"Don't do this. Not with me Otter, please?"

"Why are you an otter?" Mavis comes up interrupting the conversation.

"Mavis not now!"

He looks at Spencer shocked at her obvious frustration then pouts. He slumps away and walks over towards a laughing Evan.

"That wasn't very nice Spence." Ashley says with a smirk and takes another swig.

"Really?" She starts and her body freezes as muscular arms come around her. She closes her eyes at the feel of lips on her neck then sighs in defeat.

"Really." Ashley answers with a smug smile and holds her free hand out. "You must be Scott."

Scott untangles himself from his fiancée and shakes the photographer's hand.

"Ashley it's nice to finally meet you." He gives her a large smile and the brunette nods with a smile of her own.

"Oh no Scott, the pleasure is all mine."

* * *

So the consensus?...


	11. Return to Sender

**A/N: Well the time has finally come, classes are over life is a little less hectic but all in all I have an update, one I enjoyed very much. I write as I go nothing is pre-written I just sit and write and a lot of the times the story takes a life of it's on and goes in a direction I never really planned but I'm grateful that it does cause it's just as exciting for me to write that way as it is for you all to read. My beta tells me I should read my story cause well I haven't. I kinda just put it up here and see how you all respond which I must say has been phenomenal I honestly can say I've got the greatest readers you are all very much dedicated to my writing and I take that to heart. It really does make a difference to writers when we see readers get excited about our work so thank you so much please keep the reviews coming I thoroughly enjoy them as well as all your reactions to the characters.**

**Thank you to my awesome beta she is a beast. I honestly can't ask for a better one her attention to detail is extreme and I'm grateful to her. Thank you cookie. **

**See guys a lot sooner than you think...**

* * *

**Return to Sender**

Brown eyes lock with grey as they shake hands. Ashley feels her heart constrict as she notices how friendly they are. This is why she doesn't stay. This is why she doesn't get to know the people that fall in love with Spencer. They are innocent, they don't deserve the lies, or the lack of love from Spencer. A love that apparently Spencer has only realized today, things were moving too quickly but at the same time they weren't. Scott gives Ashley a small smile as he releases her hand and wraps his arm around Spencer's shoulder. The photographer shoots a glance at her best friend and notices that she doesn't squirm, flinch, tense up, nothing. Not one thing to show that the action is unwelcome, that the action is something that she only wants from Ashley and no one else. Ashley purses her lips and nods once.

"So Ashley…" Scott starts and removes his arm from around Spencer to grab a beer, he grabs the opener and pops it open. "How does it feel to travel the way you do?" He takes a swig of his Corona as he keeps his gaze on the brunette.

Ashley tries not to groan. She hates small talk. Why does he want to know?

"It's great. I get to see places not many people get to and meet all kinds of people." Ashley just shrugs not really sure where to take the rest of her answer.

Okay that's a lie she knew where. She loved the travel, the adventure and the spontaneity of not knowing what she's going to get when she gets there. It's her life and she loves every second of it. There are too many places on this earth to see to be in the same spot all the time. It's a crime to life, a crime to living, one that she won't ever commit.

"That sounds awesome. I don't get to go the places that you do, pretty much only travel nationally. I actually wanted to ask you something…" Scott gets a bit closer to Ashley and her brows furrow a little confused as to what he's doing. She tries to take a step back but he puts a hand on her shoulder and leans close. Ashley watches as Spencer stares in their direction then her attention focuses on Scott once again as he speaks.

"Since you've been like everywhere, where do you think would be the most romantic place for a honeymoon. What do you think Spencer would like?"

Ashley steps back and shakes her head. "I don't know."

She can't breathe. The air in the room got so much thinner at the prospect of Spencer being touched by him. Being romanced by him in some place that she suggests. Forget that, she won't have a part in it. She's already in too deep.

He starts to laugh and she wants to punch him in the face. She sees nothing funny about this situation.

"You of all people should know what Spencer does and doesn't like." He drinks his beer and places it on the bar.

He crosses his arms over his chest and the brunette shrugs. "Look I'd like to help you out but when it comes to romance. I don't know what Spencer wants, excuse me."

She sidesteps him not caring that she's being rude. This is all too much. Why did she think that she'd never see him? She wasn't even aware that he wasn't supposed to be out of town, agreeing to stay was a stupid idea. She makes her way through the throng of doctors, nurses, interns and the like and tries to head for the door.

"Where are you going?"

The shouts of her best friend don't stop her movements. She's got a momentum going and she can't break it now. He wants to know where to take her on their honeymoon, she's engaged, he's in love with her, and she has to be a little bit in love as well to have said yes. How the hell did she get here? The warm air hits her face as she steps out onto the porch. She inhales deeply and reaches for her phone. Pressing the call button she puts the phone to her ear as she digs through her pocket to get her keys.

"Yellow?"

"Don't come!" She half shouts as she makes her way towards her car.

"Uh I'm kinda already at the terminal about to board. I caught a redeye like you told me." Chase informs, Ashley can hear him shifting his bag on his shoulder.

"I don't care turn your skinny ass around and head home. Don't come here I'm flying out tomorrow morning."

"Wait what? Why! I thought…"

Ashley laughs sardonically. "I made her a freaking cheater Chase. I'm not going to be that girl and I won't let Spencer be that girl either. We are both better than this, we mean more to each other than this than to sneak around, than to be stolen from someone else…I just I gotta go. She loves him."

"She loves you! Don't pretend to be self-righteous acting like you don't want her to be this person that's a load of crap. You're scared. You're scared she won't pick you. She already has."

"She didn't pick me! She's all cuddled up with the guy who by the way asks me where to take her on their honeymoon. Like what the hell? I just met you, who asks questions like that?"

Chase laughing on the other line calms Ashley's nerves down. She makes it to her car and gets the door open. She drops into the driver seat and drops her head on the steering wheel.

"I should've kept my mouth shut."

"You did the right thing. She had to know Ashley. Look just relax, I'll be there in a few hours. We'll do the shoot…"

"No Chase. I'm not staying. I don't want to, forget the shoot. I was doing it as a favor to a friend who I'm now suspicious of having feelings for Spencer as well. He can suck it. I'm coming home."

"Davies you better calm your ass down. Stop being such a baby, what's my favorite thing about you?"

"Chase seriously I really don't feel like playing the guessing game right now."

"Answer the question or I will destroy you."

She groans and drops back against the seat. She places her hand in her hair gently scratching her scalp. Her eyes are closed as she thinks about what the answer could be.

"That I get what I want."

"Exactly…so get what you want."

"At what cost though? I'm hurting a complete stranger."

"Then you shouldn't care."

"You shouldn't be condoning this."

"I'm not. I'm just saying you laid your heart out to this girl. That's all you have to do, everything else is up to her. Don't do anything un-Ashley like."

"You're an idiot."

"A smart idiot."

"That makes no sense."

"Yeah well being around you for so long that's a consequence I have to take. Now I'm boarding just be easy. I know you love her and I know you know she loves you so give it time."

"That's all I ever do."

"Then you can wait a little longer. If it's meant to be then…"

"Alright shut up you're such a girl. I'll see you tomorrow. I'll text you my hotel information."

"Love you Ash!"

"Don't be gross." She answers with a laugh, his silence on the other line makes her relent. "Love you too."

After she hangs up her cell she drops it onto the passenger seat. Her eyes snap open as she hears the blonde's voice.

"You can't be serious."

Ashley gets out of the car and closes the door leaning against it. She picks at her nails as she keeps her gaze off Spencer.

"Serious about?"

"You're leaving?"

Ashley is grateful for the darkness that surrounds them. The streetlights are giving off a bit of light but not enough for Ashley to read the blonde. She lets out a quick breath and stands up straight. She looks down at her boots and bites her lip. She smoothly lets her lip slip from inside of her mouth as she grits her teeth. Spencer is close again and Ashley just wants to grab her. She raises her arms and tenses up as her hands hover so closely to Spencer's skin. She then lets them drop back to her sides. The surgeon reaches out to grab Ashley's hands.

"Don't."

Spencer doesn't listen. She just walks closer to Ashley lacing their fingers together. The dismissal of the gesture should be so easy but Ashley can't seem to find any strength to remove them. Spencer brings Ashley's hand to her mouth kissing her knuckles softly. Ashley swallows the lump in her throat as she lets her head drop, her chin resting against her chest. She feels Spencer place her head against hers and moves Ashley's arms to wrap around her waist.

"I'm in love with you." Spencer starts and her head moves as Ashley slowly shakes her head.

"You love him."

Spencer picks her head up and places her hands on Ashley's cheeks forcing her to look up.

"I love you." She repeats sternly, Ashley shifts her gaze away from Spencer's, but the surgeon is clearly not letting her break the gaze.

"You love him enough to marry him. To say yes to being his forever."

Spencer doesn't reply to this truth. She runs her hands over Ashley's arms feeling the muscles clench as she fights the urge to touch her. Spencer sighs as she leans herself against Ashley. The brunette doesn't hesitate to hold the blonde closer. Raising her hand towards the back of the surgeon's neck, she gently massages it as blonde hair gently glides over her hand.

"We can't do this Spence."

At those words the blonde buries her face in Ashley's neck. Tears slide down her neck as Spencer softly cries. She mumbles words that Ashley can't understand but the action alone isn't giving her much hope.

"I want you." Spencer declares removing her face from Ashley's neck.

Ashley bites her lip wiping the tears from Spencer's eyes. Her chest tightens at the blonde's quivering lip. She places the palm of her hand over her mouth and slowly drags it down past her chin. Softly pushing Spencer to the side she moves a good distance away from her best friend. She feels the blonde try to connect their bodies again and she can't let it happen. It's becoming everything she ever dreamt it to be, being held by the person you're in love with. A way they hold you when they're in love with you too. It's the feeling when you exhale in their arms and you just melt into them, like two pieces of a puzzle smoothly sliding into each other, not needing to pound them together.

She doesn't freeze though as Spencer closes the gap and holds her from behind. She drops her head and closes her eyes as soft lips connect to the back of her neck. Her short hair makes it easy access for the blonde. She whispers softly with every kiss she places.

"I want you. Only you. I love you, like no other."

A tear rolls down Ashley's eyes and she exhales, melting into Spencer. The surgeon holds her tighter smiling softly. She forgets the party in her apartment, she forgets the man that loves her, and it seems selfish but she won't lose the woman in her arms. That's not something she will allow herself to go through. She will do anything to prove that to Ashley. Even if it means leaving Scott, she will. The decision is easy, the action is the thing that's difficult. If Ashley loves her as much as she loves Ashley, then she'll do it with no hesitation, she just needs assurance. She does love Scott, he's a good man, caring, gentle, but there's so much lacking. When she looks at Ashley she feels a passion she knows she will never feel with anyone else.

Ashley turns in her arms. She brushes her nose against Spencer's and the blonde breathes out a laugh.

"You're an otter because you gently caress every part of me as if you were grooming me. You don't leave one spot untouched."

Ashley smiles softly. Her hands are always on Spencer, whether she was grazing her face, her arms, hands, legs, she loves every inch of the woman standing in front of her and she wants to be sure each spot got special attention.

"Well otters hold hands with their mate…" They link hands easily "they often brush their noses together…" Ashley does the action following a pattern, she brushes her nose back and forth over Spencer's three times and continues. "Right before they kiss."

Spencer leans forward capturing Ashley's lips with hers. They both sigh at the contact it doesn't take long before the kiss turns deeper, The stroke of a tongue causes a moan. A nibble on a lip causes a soft whimper. An action that is so pleasurable causes a loss of air as they break apart reluctantly to give their lungs much needed oxygen.

Chests rise as they lock eyes. Ashley pushes a strand of blonde hair behind Spencer's ear. A quick peck makes Spencer giggle and Ashley smirk.

"You're so beautiful." She cups the surgeon's cheek grazing it with her thumb softly and Spencer kisses the inside of her palm covering Ashley's hand with hers. The photographer can't help but sigh at how right this feels but they are going about this all wrong. She toughens up and looks at Spencer sadly.

"I'm gonna go."

Spencer's face falls. She opens her mouth to protest but Ashley shakes her head no.

"I need to go. I can't watch him…touch you, kiss you. It's torture Spence. I have to go, please…let me go."

Spencer swallows hard as she tries to look into brown eyes. She tries to see if there is a double meaning behind Ashley's words. The blonde drops her head and she sniffles as tears roll down her cheeks. Ashley sighs sadly lifting Spencer's face kissing away her tears.

"No crying." She orders with a smile.

Spencer turns her head as she tries to compose herself. It doesn't work as more tears fall from her blue eyes. Ashley attempts to wipe them away but Spencer stops her.

"No, you don't get to wipe away my tears not when it's you causing them. Why do you have to leave?"

Ashley jerks her head back both a little offended and surprised. She steps away from Spencer.

"Are you kidding me? Seriously do you hear yourself? You want me to go back in there and pretend that I'm all good with watching him all over you? There's a reason why I only stay one night Spencer!"

Ashley paces angrily as the thought lingers in her mind.

"Wait…You purposely leave?" Spencer's voices quivers as the truth hits her. Ashley stops in her tracks, slowly turning to look at Spencer. Her eyes are narrow and she puts the pieces together. "You were always able stay longer but you…you chose to leave?"

"No! Not always…"

Spencer doesn't hear anything Ashley is saying. All she is realizing is that this whole time she was able to stay and just…didn't. She feels her heart breaking and she places her palm over the chest as she feels it clench.

"You…"

Ashley steps forward but is matched with Spencer moving back.

"Spencer listen to me."

"No!"

Ashley flinches at Spencer's raised voice.

"You know how bad it hurts. You know how much…and you just…"

Ashley rushes towards Spencer and grabs her by her shoulders. She grits her teeth and stares hard into Spencer's eyes.

"I only left the last few years, every time I came back you had someone. Every time. I couldn't stay and be introduced to someone that had what I wanted…what I needed. Penguin I have loved you for so long and it was stupid to just leave I'm sorry but I couldn't deal with it. What if I told you sooner? Huh? What if I told you I was in love with you three, four, five years ago? Would it still be the same?"

"We'll never know because you always left." Spencer pushes against Ashley and hugs her arms around herself. "You said it was unbearable but you still did every time…like it was nothing."

They aren't getting anywhere, all this back and forth isn't going to fix anything. They need to talk and Ashley knew this. Things need to be explained, steps need to be made, and questions need to be answered. I love yous and soft secret kisses aren't going to heal anything.

"Come to my hotel with me." Ashley says and Spencer quickly snaps her head up.

"What?"

"Right now, let's go."

"I…I can't."

"Can't…or won't?"

"I have a house full of people Ashley and Scott…" Spencer leaves the sentence hanging not sure where she wants to take her explanation.

"Right…I'm leaving."

Spencer scoffs and slaps her hand against her thigh. "Of course you are because I mean it's you."

She covers her mouth as soon as the words leave it and Ashley's shoulders visibly drop. She swallows the lump in her throat and nods walking towards the car. She opens the door setting one foot inside the vehicle.

"Go back to your fiancé Spencer." With that Ashley drops onto the driver seat, roughly starts the engine and puts the car in gear. She takes a final look at Spencer and pulls away.

Ashley slams her hotel room door and drops her messenger bag on the arm chair in her suite and collapses on the adjacent sofa. She sighs heavily and bangs her head against the sofa.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid." She repeats to herself. She rocks her head back and forth trying to shake the image from her mind. She places her fingers against her eyes and squeezes gently. A knock on her door pulls her out of her thoughts. She checks her time and tries to think who would be at her door. She decides to ignore it. It's too soon to be Chase and after the little tiff between them it can't be Spencer. The knocking starts again and Ashley groans as she stands and walks over to the door.

She shakes her head as her eyes narrow. "What are you doing here?"

Ashley lets her unexpected guest in. She smiles at the wink she gets and closes the door.

"Spencer got mad and kicked everyone out."

"How'd you know where I was staying?"

Sammie does a twirl and Ashley smirks. "I am a doctor, which means I am smart…"

Ashley just laughs as she watches Sammie makes herself comfortable. "No seriously it's creepy that you're here."

Sammie giggles and shrugs as she points to the bar and Ashley just nods waving a dismissive hand giving her permission to open a drink. It's not like she can't afford it. Sammie twists open a small bottle of vodka and pours it into two glasses.

"There aren't that many hotels in the area so it was really just about finding one that suits your…needs."

"My needs?" The photographer repeats slowly clearly confused as to how this would be a factor, she watches as Samantha drops a few cubes of ice from the freezer into the glasses and grabs the drink that is offered to her.

Samantha takes a seat on the sofa and crosses her legs. Her tight jeans, knee-high black leather boots, and her black halter top fit her rather nicely. She lets her eyes wander over every curve of the redhead. The way her hair flows over her shoulder, her piercing blue eyes and that smug smirk on her face, any other time Ashley would have turned on her charm. Getting women is not a difficult task for the brunette but this woman on her couch hits too close to home and things with Spencer are already heavy enough she doesn't need to add anything and a part of her really doesn't want to.

"Well it's close to the aquarium." She counts off one finger from her free hand as the other cradles her drink. She drinks it slowly and Ashley rolls her eyes at her and softly chuckles. She removes her stuff from the arm chair and takes a seat. She sips her drink and watches as Sammie runs her tongue over her bottom lip.

"You're so dramatic." Ashley tells her propping her legs up on the coffee table and leaning farther into the chair. "You could've given me like thirty answers in the time it took you to sip once."

Sammie smirks. "Then I'd ruin the mystery that is me. "

"That you are. Please continue with your overdrawn explanation of how you found me because I'm starting to think I may have to file a restraining order."

Sammie laughs lightly and shakes her head. "Now Ashley do I strike as someone that needs to follow a woman to get her…women follow me."

"Except in this particular circumstance because it's you who's at my hotel."

'Mhm touché." Sammie points at her and the photographer mirrors the gesture winking at her subtly. "So anyway, learning what I know about you over the past year of knowing Spencer I narrowed it down to this place. She says you love views of the ocean, and when you travel in the states you always stay someplace with a spa because you love that clean feeling…something about you having otter qualities, I have no idea what she meant by that."

Ashley looks down and smiles into her glass. Spencer would say something like that. Over the years they began to hold the qualities of the animals and every year they saw each other they point out a specific thing. Sammie swirls her glass causing the ice to clink around and brings Ashley's attention back on her.

"She also mentioned that because you travel to a lot of places and stay in cots a lot of the time so when you can, you spoil yourself. Monterey Plaza just seemed to fit all your needs."

"Alright so you did some detective work, now how did you figure out my room?"

Sammie sighs obnoxiously. "Are you not happy to see me Ashley? That makes me a little sad. I can always leave." Sammie stands up and picks up her purse. "If you want that is."

Ashley eyes the redhead and bites the inside of her bottom lip. "No…it's cool. Sorry I'm just a little testy."

"Yeah I figured." She sits back down and crosses her legs again. "Spencer made Mavis cry. He said he got beer in his eye but he's such a baby when it comes to her." Sammie chuckles lightly as she reminisces on the scene. "She was pretty wound up. So care to explain?"

Ashley quirks a brow and tilts her head to the side. "Explain…"

Sammie uncrosses her legs and leans her elbows on her knees hanging her glass by her fingertips between her legs. She stares at her host with a blank stare.

"Ashley, don't try and play that game with me. I'm on your side okay?"

Ashley erupts in laughter, her head going back. "You're on my side? You don't even know me Samantha…"

"Sammie or Sam, not Samantha my mother calls me Samantha and she just ruined it." Sammie stands up and walks over to the honor bar to pour herself another drink. Ashley watches her diligently, the woman does have an air about her. She would be defensive if someone else had addressed her in that fashion but Sammie seems to draw people in and her mellow attitude makes Ashley feel comfortable.

Ashley stays quiet not knowing what to say and Sammie takes the chance to continue. "Going back to me not knowing you." Ashley just smirks. "That's fine I don't have to know you but I know Spencer. Obviously not as well as you, no one knows Spencer as well as you, not even Spencer herself." Sammie takes a second to laugh. "She's so…sensitive when it comes to you."

"The feeling is mutual."

"I love that about her though. I don't have anyone that I'm that passionate about that if someone even hints at saying the slightest negative thing about them I'd want to rip their throat out. Spencer though…if we say your name wrong it's like that chick from the Exorcist, the original not the remake because that thing was awful."

Ashley smiles at Sammie's tangent. She sips her drink and breathes out the coolness of the ice. The photographer giggles as she sees the redhead looking at her.

"What?"

"You're hot." Ashley laughs and shakes her head. "Like super hot. If you weren't Spencer's…"

Sammie groans and drinks her freshly poured beverage.

"Well if I wasn't Spencer's…" Ashley draws out and throws a wink at the surgeon effectively causing her to blush.

"Well when you guys get together…" She gestures her fingers between herself and Ashley laughs.

"Oh totally."

"So what's the plan?"

"Plan?"

"Yeah how are you gonna win her over?"

Ashley sighs and places the glass on the table at the same time placing her feet on the floor. "I won't be that person that breaks up a couple. I love her you know? I just want her to choose not to be with him because she doesn't want to be, I don't want to have influenced her decision because of my feelings for her."

"You're dumb."

"I'm sorry?" A laugh of disbelief leaves her mouth and Sammie takes her seat.

"Yeah I mean of course your feelings influence if she's going to be with Scott, regardless if you were in love with her or not. If you said you didn't like the way he chewed she'd drop his ass because everything about you matters to her. Why are you guys so thick?"

Ashley rolls her eyes. "It's a little more complicated than that Sam."

"Of course I'm not saying any part of this is easy. Scott's going to get hurt, I'm asking you if you have a plan for when she chooses you."

"If…"

"Don't say dumb shit Ashley."

Ashley diverts her gaze from the redhead. She's strong-willed and her aggressiveness with the situation is freaking Ashley out a little.

"Why do you care so much?"

Sammie stands up and finishes her drink. "Spencer's my best friend even if I may not be hers. I want her to be happy, and I never see that girl happier than when she talks about you or reads one of your letters. I don't want her marrying Scott because it's easy. Fight for her."

Sammie starts for the door and Ashley quickly stands and walks her out.

"You'll be in town for a while?" Sammie asks putting her purse on her shoulder. "You better tell me yes." Ashley chuckles, softly nodding her head. "Good, come to the hospital for lunch this week, come see your girl in action. I'll get you into one of the galleries, she's a sight to see."

"She is."

Sammie holds out her hand and Ashley takes it gingerly. "It was a pleasure Ashley, thanks for the drink."

"Anytime."

"I'll hold you to that."

"Please do." She opens the door and Sammie steps into the hallway, brown and blue eyes lock momentarily before Ashley opens her mouth to speak. "One more thing?" Sammie nods with a smirk already knowing where the question is leading to.

"I'm very persuasive when it comes to beautiful women Ashley, and the manager at the front desk exchanged some information with me for my number."

"Well I feel safe at this hotel."

"I'm the scariest thing in Monterey gorgeous and I've already decided that I liked so you are."

"I appreciate your approval. Thanks for the company."

They share a smile and Ashley turns her head as her phone goes off. She thumbs in the direction of her phone. Sammie mirrors the gesture and walks away. The brunette watches as her guest leaves and laughs lightly at the wink that is thrown at her when Sammie looks over her shoulder. Closing the door Ashley rushes towards her bag and grabs her phone. Missed call from Penguin. Ashley sighs and bites her bottom lip and places her phone back down. She decides to shower the day off before engaging in another conversation with Spencer.

Half an hour later Ashley dries her hair with her towel, her head down as she walks out of the bathroom.

"AH! What the shit!"

She grabs her chest and holds onto the doorway.

"How the hell did you get in here?!"

"I got a key."

"How…what?" Her chest heaves as she tries to calm her racing heart down. "What!" She giggles and Ashley stares at her wide-eyed. "You're laughing and I could've died." She glares into her blue eyes and watches as she rolls them.

"Don't be dramatic."

"What are you doing here?"

"To do this."

Lips collide with Ashley's and she doesn't hesitate to kiss back. Ashley buries her fingers into soft hair, and lead her body towards the king-sized bed. They know they shouldn't be doing this but right now it feels too good to stop.

* * *

Oh snap...please tell me your predictions,reactions because I'm dying to know...Until next time!


	12. Misdirected Mail

**A/N: You guys I swear freaking amazing the response to the story has been amazing. I can't get enough of your reviews and your response and your favoriting/following. I care more about the follows here than I do twitter...I don't even tweet that's how little I care. Anyway I won't bore you with a long AN so please enjoy this chapter already working on the next one. Thanks again to my beta for working so hard on this and for helping me figure out the specific name of when mail gets delivered to the wrong person. Thanks so much everyone for reading and reviewing please don't stop! Have a good one!**

* * *

**Misdirected Mail**

Ashley squeezes her eyes in an attempt to get rid of some of the grogginess that built up throughout the night. Her arm is trapped under the pillow as her surprise guest sleeps soundlessly. She shakes her head and slowly pulls her arm out from under the down-feathered pillow and untangles her legs from the slender ones under the comforter. The room is still dark as she smoothly leaves the bed careful not to wake the sleeping body and walks towards her buzzing phone. She yawns placing a fist in front of her mouth, her eyes water and she wipes at them to get a better look at her caller ID.

Her raspy voice quietly fills the air as she answers in a whisper. "Are you here?"

"Yeah I'm just standing in the hall waiting for you to open the door. I would get a key but when they mentioned that there were two already assigned to the room I thought I'd better not."

Ashley takes a look at the still body in her bed and walks out into the living room of the suite quietly closing the door behind her. She walks towards the front door to let Chase in. Once she sees his scruffy face and shaggy mane she sighs in relief. He's a sight for sore eyes. He envelops her into a hug and she squeezes just as tightly.

"How's my favorite lesbian?"

Ashley smacks him in the chest as he releases her and he groans loudly. She shushes him and his eyes widen a little in shock.

"I'm the only lesbian you know."

"That's not true!" He retorts loudly and Ashley flinches and puts a finger to her lips shushing him harshly. He freezes as his boss looks back at her door making sure no noise came from the other side.

Chase places his things down along with the camera equipment near the sofa. His mouth is slightly agape as he bounces from foot to foot with excitement. He claps quietly and Ashley furrows her brows in confusion.

"What exactly are you doing?"

Chase drops onto the armchair, sitting up completely straight, his hands on his knees beaming a large smile at the brunette. She stands akimbo and stares at her fingers as they lay over the hem of her shorts. She takes a deep breath and tries to remember why she told Chase to come in the first place.

"Who do you have in the bedroom?"

Ashley rubs her face and groans slightly. "I don't have to answer any of your questions. Your room is over there so…" She waves her hand in the direction of the other bedroom of the two-bedroom suite and looks at her assistant. He doesn't move but quirks a brow with a smirk.

"A lady friend possibly?"

"Chase…" She chastises in a harsh whisper. He only flashes a toothy smile and she sits on the coffee table after pushing away her empty glass that was filled with vodka the night before. She leans her elbows on her knees and looks at her friend.

"We'll head over to the aquarium around noon…" She drops her head as he stares at her with a bored expression. Intertwining her fingers she clenches them and puts it against her lips. She gives him a hard glare.

"You might as well just…"

He stops as the bedroom door opens and a woman stumbles out.

"Ash! Ugh I'm so late…" Ashley quickly stands up and watches as Chase does the same. "Oh…hi there."

Chase smirks as he looks over at his boss. "Hello…and you are?"

"S—" She gets cut off as her phone goes off, looking at the phone she groans. "Late. I'm sorry I have to go…hospital stuff."

"I'll walk you out."Ashley announces and walks towards her late night guest gently guiding her towards the door.

Once out they are out of sight, much to Chase's disapproval, Ashley gives her a quick kiss.

"Can I come by later?"

The photographer smiles softly. "Yeah I'd like that." After another kiss shared between them she lets the surgeon leave. Ashley sticks her head out into the hall and hangs off the doorway, she bites her lip at the wink thrown over the intruder's shoulder and moves back into the room. Closing the door she jumps at the closeness of her assistant.

"Back up dude! Goodness." She pushes Chase out of the way and walks towards the room phone to call room service.

"Was that her! Tell me it was her!" Chase jumps over the chair and lands on the cushion in a sitting position.

"You've got issues." Ashley tells him while she shakes her head and begins to order breakfast for her and her annoying assistant. Once she finishes her order she is quickly bombarded with another slew of questions.

"Did something happen last night? What does this mean? Tell me!"

Ashley screams and Chase leans back, more amused than frightened. "Yes okay! That was Spencer, stop being a girl about it."

"Did you guys…"

Ashley closes her eyes and pinches the bridge of her nose.

_Five Hours Earlier_

_Ashley moans as Spencer flips their positions. The blonde straddles her best friend and cups her face softly. She lowers her body and bites Ashley's lip. She hasn't kissed anyone like this before. Passion, desire, hunger had been the fuel that brought her here. After kicking everyone out of her apartment Spencer sat and listened to Scott talk about the confusion with work. She quickly grew bored of her fiancé and when he mentioned that he was going to bed she said she would clean up a little. Once he was away, she made the call and when the phone went to voicemail she knew she had to get to Ashley. After giving a rather poor explanation to Scott, Spencer hopped in her car and drove to the hotel that Ashley mentioned she was staying in during idle chatter. _

_Ashley sucks on Spencer's bottom lip and the blonde whimpers. Lifting her hips up Spencer easily matches the rhythm that her best friend attempts to start. Ashley gets lost in the euphoria that is Spencer and buries her hand in blonde hair. She sits up causing the surgeon to slide a little further down her lap. They break apart for a minute and Ashley shakes her head laughing. _

_"What are you doing here?"_

_"Do I need to show you again?"_

_She leans her forehead again Ashley's and captures her newest favorite set of lips. She sighs at the squeeze of her hips then the slide to her ass makes her blush. Brushing her nose against Spencer's, Ashley goes in for one last kiss before seriously asking for an explanation. _

_"Penguin?" She starts softly. _

_Spencer pouts and slides her fingers from Ashley's neck to her hair. She leans forward to kiss Ashley again and the brunette leans back shaking her head. Spencer sighs obnoxiously and falls onto the bed. She drops herself beside Ashley. She lays on her side and Ashley mirrors her position. Only inches apart, Spencer lifts her leg and drapes over the photographer's waist. Ashley smiles softly as she rubs Spencer's leg and leans her head on her shoulder. _

_"Otter I'm sorry." Spencer sighs releasing the air in her lungs and taking another breath before continuing. "I want you. Please don't think I don't. I…I need you." _

_Spencer sits up and crosses her legs, sitting Indian style. Ashley stays in the same spot gently grazing her nails on Spencer's leg. She looks up at the nervous surgeon. _

_"I just…I want to do this right. Scott's just been so sweet and I know he's going to be hurt and I do care about him. I do love him…"Ashley's gaze falls onto the golden down feathered comforter and is quickly returned as Spencer uses two fingers to bring Ashley's eyes back on her. "I'm so much more in love with you. Wait, let me rephrase that. I'm in love with you because saying I'm more in love with you implies that I'm in love with Scott and I'm not. We fit. Ashley, we make so much sense."_

_Ashley clears her throat and tucks one leg under the other letting it dangle on the side of the bed. _

_"Spencer, I have loved you for as long as I can remember. I'm not going to ask you to leave Scott, because regardless if you're in love with him or not you said yes to him. A part of you loves him…"_

_"Do you not want us to be together?"Her brows are furrowed as she tries to understand what Ashley is getting at. _

_"Spencer I'm not saying that. I'm saying that this isn't how I want us to be, you sneaking away to see me, enjoying kisses that don't belong to me. Seeing you in ways I shouldn't because…"_

_Spencer cups both of Ashley's cheeks. "I belong to you. I always have and I always will. I know it's complicated…" Ashley snorts in agreement and Spencer makes a face causing the brunette to smirk. "I'll talk to him I just need time to figure out how."_

_Ashley bites her bottom lip and plays with her fingers. In a soft whisper she asks "Is that what you want?"_

_"You are what I want." Spencer reassures eyes never leaving Ashley's. "You, and only you."_

_Ashley sighs and rubs her tired eyes. The amount of alcohol consumed throughout the night makes her body extremely relaxed as she falls back against the bed. Ashley groans softly as she feels the bed shift and Spencer crawl over her. Her eyes heavy-lidded, she gives Spencer a lazy smile. _

_"Tell me." Ashley requests and the blonde lowers herself placing a gentle kiss on the photographer's pouty mouth. _

_"I'm in love with you." _

_Each word is punctuated with a kiss. Ashley sighs as the kisses move towards her neck. She grunts to get Spencer's attention and the blonde diligently gives it to her. _

_"I don't want this to get to out of hand I think…we should try and be…"_

_Spencer licks her lips and Ashley tries to remember what she was going to say. Spencer takes control of the situation as she slips her hand under Ashley's beater. Ashley captures the blonde's lips hungrily. Tongues sliding into mouths skillfully while hands gliding purposefully over each other's bodies. They break apart reluctantly sharing a few soft kisses before Ashley sits up. _

_"I just want to hold you." She declares as she crawls towards the head of the bed. "Stay the night?"_

_Spencer lies next to Ashley. "I was going to even if you didn't ask."_

_They get under the covers, tangle their legs and look into each other's eyes. Ashley's heart beats quickly at how close Spencer is. She grabs the blonde's hand and places it on her chest to feel. She smiles at the speed of her best friend's heart. She takes Ashley's leaving her hand where it was placed and the brunette giggles softly at the result. Spencer's heart is beating as quickly as hers_

_"Every time I'm near you." Spencer states and Ashley smiles sleepily then quickly begins to laugh. "What?" _

_"You never knew you were in love with me, with a heart rate like that?"_

_The brunette groans at the slap on her arm. It only ceases her laughter for a few seconds before Spencer joins in. _

Ashley quickly cuts Chase off before he can finish his question. "Nothing happened. She came over, we talked and fell asleep."

He glares at his friend and she just shrugs walking into her room and falling face first onto the bed.

"Ashley you know I don't understand is why you feel like this is something you can't talk to me about."

Ashley slams her fist on the bed. She shoots up angrily and looks at her assistant. "Because I don't know what's going on Chase! I don't know where we stand exactly. All I know is I want her and she wants me. She says she'll leave him but she just needs time. Don't ask me how much because I don't know. I don't know what's going on except the fact that we love each other, but that's not enough. So please stop asking me questions!"

Chase jerks his head back in surprise at Ashley's outburst. He just nods and rubs the back of his neck pointing behind him. "I'm going to freshen up. Just let me know when you're ready to head out."

Ashley sighs and gently scratches her forehead. "Chase I'm sorry!"

He doesn't come back to the room but shouts from where he stands. "What's family for?"

She smiles sadly and falls back against her pillows and rolls over inhaling deeply as the scent of Spencer still lingers on the sheets. She exhales slowly as if releasing the aroma that filtered her nostrils any quicker is a crime against nature. The talk from the night before wasn't much of a talk. Spencer said all the right things and it helped slightly. The thought of knowing she wants to be with Ashley helps, everything else being unresolved doesn't. If they get together what will Ashley have to do about work, will Spencer be willing to move, will Ashley stay in Monterey, and traveling less won't be a problem but when she does what about when Spencer's at the hospital for several days. So many things cloud Ashley's mind but the only problem right now is Scott. How long will he be a problem? How long is she going to have to wait? The reveal of feelings came so quickly, everything else is a waiting game.

"We were thinking of getting some new shots of the Sea Otters and the Splash Zone with the penguins. Those exhibits are our most successful but I mean you're the photographer so you do what you think is best."

Lucas chuckles nervously and looks at Ashley as she looks around the aquarium as if it was her first time there. She just nods and points towards the direction of the Kelp Forest.

"Chase, go ask that little family over there if you could get a shot of their kids pointing at the tank. Make them look like silhouettes; I just want a mock-up so we can figure out what we want for Saturday."

Chase just nods and walks over in the direction his boss ordered him to go. Ashley turns back to Lucas and crosses her arms over her chest giving him her full attention once again.

"He follows direction well." Lucas starts as he walks down the small set of stairs towards the octopus exhibit. He swings his arms back and forth and lifts a fist towards his mouth then clears his throat. "So uh Ashley…"

The photographer sighs and grits her teeth. She feels something coming. Something she doesn't want to, she isn't sure what it is but she has a gut feeling that she doesn't want to know what it is. So not to seem rude, she releases a quiet sigh and looks over at a nervous Lucas. She narrows her eyes as she tries to figure out what is wrong with the vet.

"You know Spencer right…" Lucas closes his eyes at the start of the discussion internally cursing at himself.

Ashley snorts shaking her head. "Yeah blonde, blue eyes, I may recall who you're talking about."

The feeling in Ashley's stomach is getting worse this is looking dismal.

"Right so uhm does she, you know…ever talk about me?" Ashley's eyes dart away from Lucas for a moment as she tries to think of reason why he would ask a question like that. "I mean I know you guys don't see each other often just your meetings once a year but I mean I know you guys write…"

"How do you know about that?" The question came out quickly and with a lot of sass and caught Lucas off guard. Ashley is not in the mood today and she's not hiding the fact that she's not.

Lucas stops in front of the tank and rests his hands on the railings in front of the octopus aquarium letting all his weight rest on it as he leans back carelessly.

"Well she told me." He responds like knowing that information isn't a big deal.

"When?"

Ashley wants all the facts now. Ashley knows that Spencer doesn't just talk about the letters as a normal topic of discussion. People only knew of it because they saw her reading them or they were around the blonde enough to slowly learn about Ashley.

"Oh well, last year. We sort of went on a couple of dates, I thought we had a good time…"

The rest of what Lucas is saying is lost on Ashley. The only thing that's going through her mind right is that Spencer kept something from her. Not only kept something from her but lied about it. Ashley couldn't figure out what this meant, if it means anything. Maybe Spencer mentioned it in a letter and she doesn't recall but that isn't likely. Maybe the blonde didn't think it was big enough of a deal to mention, but that doesn't make sense either. Spencer tells Ashley everything from the fact that she lost her favorite pair of jeans to the time her brother went into the hospital for surgery. The smallest to the largest detail of their lives was always shared. Why hide this?

"Ashley?" Lucas calls out and brown eyes focus on the older man.

"She's engaged." Lucas's brows rise in surprise. "Yeah she's engaged to…"

"This hottie over here." Chase states as he wraps his arm around his boss's shoulders.

Ashley palms her face and shakes it. Lucas's brows rise even higher surprised they could get closer to his hairline.

"Oh…I had no idea." _Neither did I _thought Ashley as she stares at Chase's smug face through the corner of her eye. "Please forgive my questions. I knew you two were close I just didn't realize…how close."

"Yeah these two are such love birds if I ever did see any." He loosely hangs his arm over Ashley's shoulder, his hand dangling haphazardly on the edge. Ashley grabs his hand and squeezes it hard.

He whimpers quietly and tries to discreetly pull his hand from Ashley's. Once free he points towards the Monterey Bay Habitats and scurries away with the camera in his hand. Ashley looks back at him and he is smart enough not to look at her.

"Well I guess congratulations are in order." He says with his arms wide open offering the photographer a hug. She awkwardly steps into the embrace and hugs her friend.

"Thanks I guess."

He nods once they release each other. Placing an arm around her shoulder, "If I lost my chance to anyone I'm glad it was you, anyone else would've been a waste of time for her."

Ashley's smile turns sincere as she whispers another 'thank you' to her friend. He gets a page and he excuses himself. Ashley does a quick one eighty and stalks over to Chase punching him on the arm. He groans and shakes the pain away.

"I'm filing that under worker's comp."

She ignores his little snide remark.

"Why the hell did you go and tell him I was Spencer's fiancée?" Chase just shrugs as he takes a picture of a shark in the tank. "Really? That's your response?"

"Well you looked a little awkward and like you could use some help so I came to your rescue and whatnot."

"You are the absolute worst you know that?" She runs a hand through her hair and sighs. "She dated him."

"Dr. Doolittle!" Chase asks clearly amused but hides it at Ashley's fierce gaze.

"Yes and I found out from him…just now."

"Oh…Oh I see." He repeats understanding a bit better the second time around. "Well I mean do you tell her everything?"

"Yes!" Ashley answers quickly.

"Even about the letter you threw away?"

Her mouth opens then closes, her shoulders slump to add to her stumped demeanor. "How'd you know I threw away the letter?"

"I saw it in the trash when we were packing up. So she didn't tell you. What's the beauty of relationships if you never have anything new to learn about each other?"

"You make no sense." Ashley tells him as she continues to look around quickly remembering that they were here to scout possible photo options.

"I make lots of sense."

"I don't care that she dated him, or that she kept it from me but I care about the fact that when I asked her if something was going on she lied. She could've told me."

"She didn't lie. Nothing is going on between, them at one point there may have been a little something but now there's nothing."

Ashley glares at Chase annoyed. "Whose side are you on anyway?"

"Yours and I will point out the flaws in your arguments so you don't ruin the good stuff for yourself because you're scared. Don't ruin this for yourself Ashley. It's complicated enough as it is without you purposefully finding things wrong."

Chase walks around his boss and heads towards the touch pools. Ashley lags behind letting her mind filter the endless thoughts. She gently shakes her head and focuses on the task at hand. Day two in Monterey is proving to Ashley that more than one day here is one too many.

Ashley trudges back into her hotel room with Chase close behind. The day of scouting had been long but fun as she got lost in her favorite activity. She kicks her shoes off and grabs a set of clothes from the bag. A knock on the door grabs her attention. Chase is already snoring away in his bed which leaves the brunette to answer the door. She tiredly opens it and she laughs at her guest.

"You again?"

"Don't act like you're not happy to see me Ashley. May I?"

Ashley opens the door and allows Sammie to enter and just like the night before makes herself at home.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" Ashley asks as she takes a seat on the armrest of the chair next to the sofa Sammie is currently occupying.

"Just checking in, I got out a little early and didn't have anything to do so I decided to pay you a little visit. See how you're holding up "

Ashley drops onto the armchair, letting her legs dangle over the armrest shrugging nonchalantly.

"I'm alright I guess, just trying to figure out why you've taken such an interest in my well-being."

Sammie lets out a little chuckle at Ashley's glare. "Ashley, relax. I'm seriously here just to see how you are."

"Well right now, feeling a bit tired. Do you mind if I shower really quick?"

"Not at all, in fact I request that you take a long one."

"You tryna tell me something?" Ashley asks with a laugh as she stands up.

"Yeah you smell." The redhead counters with a wink and Ashley leaves the room shaking her head.

There was another knock at the door and Ashley attempts to answer but she's cut off by Sammie.

"I got it. Go take your shower."

Ashley mumbles a 'thanks' and quickly grabs her things to shower knowing that the person at the door can only be the one person she wants to see.

Spencer's brows furrow in confusion as Sammie opens the door.

"Sam?"

The surgeon flashes her pearly whites and opens the door wider allowing the blonde to enter the room. "Hey Spence how's it going?"

"Fine…what are you doing here?" She doesn't hesitate to ask the obvious. Spencer walks further into the room and Sam closes the door behind her to follow the blonde towards the living room of the suite. Much like yesterday Sam goes to the honor bar and pours herself a drink. The surgical intern watches as her friend nonchalantly moves around Ashley's room as if it was her own. She isn't sure how she feels about what she is witnessing but it doesn't feel good.

"To see Ashley." Sammie answers in a manner that would usually be followed by a 'duh'. Samantha tries not to smirk because her colleague doesn't seem too pleased with her presence. She holds a glass up to Spencer as if offering to pour her a drink but she gets waved off. The knowing smirk isn't seen by Spencer and Sammie wipes it off her face before she turns back around to her friend. She grabs a seat in the armchair that Ashley was in earlier and crosses her legs.

"Why are you here to see Ashley?"

Spencer remembers how flirty the redhead was the night before at the party. She doesn't think it's a problem but it sure is appearing like it would be.

"Just to hang out. I was here last night and we had a good time." She takes a sip of her drink and looks at Spencer over the rim of the glass.

Spencer's brows furrow as the news permeates her thinking. She was here the night before and she didn't see Sammie. Ashley had told her there is nothing to worry about then why is she worrying?

"Sam what are you doing?" All Ashley's attempts of reassurances from the night before leave Spencer's mind as she asks without a second thought.

Sammie's brows scrunch in confusion. "I don't know what you mean Spencer."

"I mean what are you doing here…with Ashley."

"I'm pretty sure I already gave you an answer."

"Don't even think about it." Spencer orders sternly and Sammie continues to play dumb.

"I'm sorry but I'm not sure what you mean."

The blonde laughs in disbelief as takes a breath to calm her nerves. She untangles her messenger bag from her shoulder and places it beside her. She notices there is more luggage in the room and remembers that Ashley had a man with her earlier. She's seen him in pictures and knew him to be Chase. Then as if he felt her thinking about him he appears from his bedroom yawning loudly and scratching his scruffy beard.

"Spencer! So good to see you again." Chase states as he takes in the presence of the two new guests.

"This morning?" Sammie asks slyly as she looks over her shoulder to the tall man she's never met before. She stands and offers a hand. "I'm Sammie nice to meet you."

"Chase." He gives it a gentle shake.

"Spence!" Ashley says from the door finally appearing from her shower. Spencer looks up and smiles, from the corner of her eye she catches Sammie giving Ashley a not-so-subtle once-over. The other two in the room are completely forgotten as the best friends have a silent conversation with their eyes.

"Chase, care to join me for a drink at the bar downstairs?"

The conversation between Chase and Sammie go unheard as Spencer and Ashley focus solely on each other. The closing of the hotel room door brings them back to reality.

"Hi." Ashley offers quietly as she makes her way over to the couch. "How come you didn't use your key that you stealthily obtained last night?"

"I left it in my locker at the hospital. I was too excited to get here and I forgot to grab it. Care to explain you and Sammie?"

"Woah! What?" Ashley asks with a small laugh.

"Yeah she said she was here yesterday? What's going on between you two?"

Spencer never once ever felt jealous when it comes to Ashley. It's taking over her very being and she is saying things without thinking.

"Not as much as there was going on between you and Lucas…how many dates were there exactly?"

They both stare each other down as they think of how to answer the question. They were clearly avoiding the one that matters the most. What's the next step? No, they're going with questions that don't address the problem. Delivering answers that don't belong to the unasked questions they both need to bring up.


	13. On the Dotted Line

**A/N: I'm not going to leave a massive author's note. Just a quick thank you to all the reviews I received I appreciate every single thought and opinion you all have of my writing. I really do take it to heart, consideration, and value the honesty you have behind them. A serious shout out to my beta who literally drove out of her to get this back to me so I can get it posted quickly. I honestly can't put in words how much of an asset you are. So thank you so much cookie. Enjoy let me know how you feel, think, etc! Thanks**

* * *

**On The Dotted Line**

"Are we seriously going to have this discussion?"

"I would like to, yes. We do not keep things from each other. Nothing. If you paint your nails neon orange I want to know about it."

Spencer sits back in the sofa as she watches Ashley pace back and forth. The topic of Lucas and Sammie definitely does not need to be added to the list of things they needed to talk about. Spencer knows that Ashley is here for only a limited amount of time and her time to make a decision, to take action, is quickly dwindling. This is looking to be a long night. The idea of Sammie being at Ashley's hotel room was really bugging the blonde and she is having a hard time thinking about explaining Lucas and why she never told Ashley to begin with. It's not like she didn't want to. It was just for the first time she felt nervous about sharing something with Ashley and the longer she put it off the more irrelevant it became.

"First of all I would never wear neon orange nail polish." She smirks at the scowl thrown in her direction.

Ashley crosses her arms quirking a brow at her soon-to-be girlfriend and rolls her eyes. "It's just an example. So why didn't you say anything?"

"You first."

"Me first nothing because there's nothing going on between Sammie and I. She came over last night before you even called and snuck your way in here which you still haven't explained by the way. I really need to change my hotel if people can just get a key like that." The brunette rambles off and momentarily thinks about her hotel options in the area.

"Uh excuse you, after this week you better not be staying in any more hotels. We're living together."

"No thanks, I don't feel like being the third cast member of the comeback of _Three's Company_."

Spencer's mouth drops open in shock and Ashley just lifts her shoulder with her arms out.

"Uncalled for."

"Really 'cause I feel like that needed to be pointed out."

"Ashley, I'm going to leave him."

"Then do it Spencer, I don't give a shit about the dude's feelings. I know I should baby, I know but I care about you. I care about us. You and I are more important than his feelings."

Spencer stares at Ashley with a smile, reveling at the new pet name. It makes her feel a lot warmer than Penguin. The photographer furrows her brows in confusion as the blonde continues to stare at her in a soft way.

"What?"

"You called me baby."

Ashley scoffs. "Don't get girly on me Penguin. I'm trying to be serious."

She finally stops pacing and joins Spencer back on the couch. Sitting sideways on the sofa Spencer mirrors her allowing Ashley to gently rub her thighs.

"Spence I need us to stop prolonging this. You know this back and forth can only go on for so long before we drive each other crazy and the thought of _us_ no longer seems appealing."

Spencer sucks her bottom lip into her mouth and thinks for a moment. Nodding seconds later, Ashley's eyebrows rise in excitement.

"Okay?"

"Yes." Spencer answers with a smile. "I'll do it and then just stay the rest of the week with you so he can have some space and then he has to leave again for work."

Ashley looks down for a moment, her emotions quickly changing but the hand on her cheek makes her bring her gaze back up to blue eyes.

"If we are going to do this I need you to stop second-guessing your feelings…and mine."

"I know. I don't mean to it's just…" She releases a dramatic sigh and leans against the back of the armrest. "I'm anxious. I've wanted this for so long and now you want it too and I feel like it's a little too good to be true."

Spencer shrugs and laces her hand with Ashley's. "Whenever it came to us Ashley you've never had a doubt. All we're doing is putting a label on us that's the only difference. Our intimacy will be deeper, our affection more substantial if that's even possible, our love less secret. We're going to be great together. We already are."

Ashley's lip twitches as she smiles. She dares to joke. "Better than you and Lucas."

Spencer groans and falls back on the sofa. The brunette changes her voice to a different pitch as she mocks Spencer. "Oh Lucas, tell me all there is to know about the otters."

She crawls on top of the blonde as she keeps her face covered laughing into her hands.

"What is the difference between a river and sea otter besides the obvious?" Ashley continues as she settles herself on top of the blonde and pulls her hands from her face. She reveals a very flushed looking Spencer and leans down to kiss her.

"You're a pain in the ass." Spencer tells the photographer before connecting their lips. Once apart she looks into brown eyes and sighs. "I had a crush on him for a long time. I don't know, he was always just this older guy in our life and when I actually went out with him it was like I was experiencing something that was ours alone. Lucas is the aquarium and I thought if I told you then you'd feel like I was trying to do something that belonged to us without you."

Ashley just nods and keeps silent. The quiet leads Spencer to continue talking.

"We only went out twice and you were a topic of discussion. I offhandedly mentioned that we write letters to keep in touch but that was all. The mere mention of you makes me smile wider and after we mentioned you I couldn't even remember the rest of the date. I checked out."

Ashley smirks and brushes her thumb across Spencer's forehead.

"I never meant to keep anything from you."

"I don't like that we have secrets from each other, we may lie to everyone else but never to one another."

Spencer tilts her head. "You have secrets from me?" The darting of her eyes tips the surgeon off causing the blonde to stroke Ashley's cheek. "Tell me."

Ashley drops her face into Spencer's neck and gently kisses it. She buries her fingers into Ashley's hair moaning softly.

"Ash…tell me." After several seconds of silence Spencer moves her head to force Ashley to look at her. The brunette pouts and the surgeon leans up kissing it away softly. "I promise whatever it is you can tell me."

Ashley sits up and goes back to the seat she was occupying earlier. Playing with her fingers she tries to muster up the courage to tell her about the letter that she threw away. With most people it wouldn't be a big deal but with these two everything about them was their letters. Maybe that's the problem. They spend so much time allowing just their words to define them and now when it comes time for action neither of them can produce.

Spencer pushes herself up and leans on the other side of the couch as she prepares herself for whatever Ashley had to reveal. She smiles as Ashley grabs her legs, takes off both her shoes and begins to massage her feet.

"You trying to butter me up?" She asks with a smile and the photographer only shrugs.

"I just want to talk, to be able to tell you without you getting upset."

"You have to tell me first before I can have any kind of reaction…little more to the middle." Spencer instructs as she shimmies a little lower to give Ashley a better reach.

"Do you think that we've invested too much of ourselves in our letters and not each other?"

Spencer sighs licking her lips. She plays with her belt buckle shrugging lightly. "What choice did we have?"

"I don't know but I mean do they mean more to us than we mean to us?"

Spencer narrows her eyes. "You want to just tell me instead of playing twenty questions with me?"

Ashley squeezes Spencer's foot and sighs. "Okay, well don't get mad." Spencer stares at her as sternly as possible to get the brunette to talk. "When you wrote to me about your engagement, it hit me hard. Every guy that's ever come into your life I kind of just waited for you to send me another letter talking about how wrong they were for you and how you left them and then you sent me this letter telling me you found someone to spend the rest of your life with. At the time I already knew I was in love with you. I didn't want to believe it. The best way for me to allow myself to remain in denial was by getting rid of the constant reminder."

Spencer pulls her feet from Ashley's grasp and tucks them under her legs. She straightens up and runs a hand through her blonde hair. Ashley doesn't need to continue, the surgeon understands completely and now she understands why Ashley asked what she did. She feels herself getting upset. Letters…that's all they were right? That's what everyone has been telling them they were. Do they invest too much of themselves on paper and not in person?

Spencer stands and now it's her turn to pace. She stops and turns to look at her best friend.

"What did you do?" Ashley looks down at the question. "Ashley, look at me and tell me what you did?"

"I got the letter while I was in New Zealand and when I left my hotel room, I left the letter behind…in the trash."

Spencer bites her lip as she thinks whether or not she should let this upset her. Their letters, their words, their secrets, promises, affection, fears, dreams, plans, ideas, insecurities, themselves…everything they were, were in those letters. Then again it's just one, right? Spencer feels her heart breaking at the thought that Ashley would throw a piece of them away but what's a letter when the real thing is right in front of her. She could let this go because in the end the only reason they wrote the letters is to substitute for their absence. They were important and Ashley dismissed one as if they were unimportant.

"Why would you do that!" Ashley jumps at the volume of the blonde's voice. She opens her mouth to say something but Spencer angrily points at her. "Shut up! I can't…I can't believe you, this is what made us. This is who we are and you threw away a letter!"

Ashley's brows furrows in confusion as she stands up and crosses her arms. "We made us! Not the letters…" It's Spencer's turn to jump, Ashley doesn't let up though. "We made the letters we put ourselves…"

"Exactly! You threw a part of me away!"

"No! I threw Scott away! You belong to me! I threw away a reality that I did not want to exist. He is not who you're supposed to be with…"

"If you were so sure why didn't you ever tell me? Why did it take you this long? If you loved me so much and I was what you wanted why didn't you come after me?"

"I thought I'd lose you! You dated guys every single time. Not once did you show interest in women. I didn't want my feelings to ruin our friendship."

"The way secrets are going to? You told me we keep nothing from each other is this a rule you just conjured to make me feel bad about the Lucas thing?"

"No…" She answers gruffly and drops onto the couch and buries her face in her hands. "Are you ever going to get off my case about me taking so long to tell you how I felt?"

"No because you're making me feel like I wouldn't have chosen to be with you if you told me sooner."

"Would you?"

"Yes." She answers no hesitation in her voice.

"Why?" Her head tilts extremely curious.

"Because knowing how I feel now I'm positive I would've felt it years ago I just needed something to kick me in the ass to help me realize it."

"How could you? What's the difference between years ago and now? Did you never feel a difference with us, were you never jealous of all the girls I mentioned in the letters? Your responses were always the same 'make sure they know I'm your number one girl' how could you not know? Are you sure you're even in love with me?"

"Fuck you Davies! Yes, I'm in love with you. We've been friends for so long, I don't have this closeness with anyone else and I always just thought it was just us. The more I realize how much I need you, need you to always be there, need to hear your voice, need to feel your touch and I wish it dawned on me quicker because we could've been together for a lot longer but it didn't and now we're in this shitty situation so screw you for making me feel like I don't want this as much as you do just because you knew longer."

Ashley quickly stands rushing over to the blonde attempting to wrap her arms around her. She pushes Ashley's arms down.

"I'm still mad about the letter."

Her shoulders drop and she moves closer to Spencer. Holding her hand out and looking into sad blue eyes.

"Penguin…" She whispers vulnerably and the change in Spencer's demeanor was apparent as her face softens.

"You can't use my nickname to get your way all the time." Spencer says before linking their hands. Ashley pulls them back towards the couch. She looks into brown eyes and sees how nervous the brunette is. Spencer allows herself to be pulled down to sit on Ashley's lap. The brunette sighs in relief as the blonde gets comfortable on her legs. She drops her head against Spencer's shoulder and moans as Spencer gently massages her scalp.

"I want to kill you," Spencer starts in a soft voice tugging on hair and the brunette groans in pain but with a tinge of pleasure as well "I seriously can't believe you would throw a letter away. That being said we need to stop focusing on everything we've done in the past and think about what we're going to do now, so we can have a future. The letters are a way for us to communicate but it's not the only way."

Ashley lifts her head nodding. She guides Spencer's face towards hers and they share a kiss. "So what now?"

"Well obviously I have to talk to Scott."

"What are you gonna say?"

"I don't know? Any suggestions?"

"Hello ladies!"

Both girls drop their head back in annoyance as their counterparts stumble into the room. Chase with his arm around Sammie. The surgeon and assistant approach the couple, completely ignoring the fact that they were not welcome. Sammie drops into the armchair and Chase drops onto the other side of the sofa.

"Don't you two look cozy." Chase starts and looks over at Sammie. 'Don't you agree Sam?"

"I do agree Chase. I think they look perfect together. Did you know that Ashley promised me a little one-on-two time?"

"What?!" Spencer shouts and Ashley laughs, placing a kiss on the blonde's cheek.

"As a joke babe, relax." The brunette pulls Spencer further into her body and smiles as she feels Spencer's body relax into hers.

"Well that's depressing." Sam scowls and Ashley winks making the blonde nudge her in the stomach.

"Sammie did you know that these two are engaged?"

"Chase!" Ashley shouts as she tries to lunge for her assistant but Spencer's body keeps her from reaching him.

"We're what?" Spencer asks with a smirk.

"Oh so being married to her is more appealing than the three of us sleeping together?!" Sammie jumps in clearly offended. "That's crap. I'm hot!"

"What is it you two want exactly?" Ashley asks she sneakily slips her hand under Spencer's shirt gently running her hand over her taut stomach.

Spencer swallows as she imagines Ashley's hand go down a little further. Her mind wanders as she imagines making love to the brunette and the thought alone built a fire in the pit of her stomach. She sighs, quietly lost at the thought of her body under Ashley's. A chill runs up her spine as she feels Ashley's lips brush against the shell of her ear. She jumps slightly and the photographer gives a throaty chuckle.

"Where's your head at?" She asks quietly while Sammie and Chase talk amongst themselves. Her hand still grazes over the surgeon's stomach. Spencer turns her head to lean in and whisper in the brunette's ear.

"Imagining me under you." She whispers her voice seductive, she isn't even sure where it came from but she loves the way Ashley makes her feel, she loves even more the effect it has on Ashley. The photographer's hand stops in mid-motion and she gulps. "Make them leave."

"Ya'll need to go."

Ashley shouts and the blonde snickers. The two set of friends look at the couple with their brows arched.

"Would you like to let us know why you're kicking us out? I mean this is my room too." Chase says pretending he is highly offended, his smirk is weakening his attempt.

"Because I'm your boss and I told you to get out." Ashley says with authority and Chase sucks his teeth.

"You're not my boss." Sammie retorts in the most petulant manner.

"I don't care. I'm still telling you what to do. You know you like it when I tell you what to do." Ashley says and throws the redhead a wink making Sammie smirk, a small blush appearing on her face. Her voice is seductive and Spencer knows that was addressed to her colleague as a joke but hearing Ashley say it made her jealous. It's mostly because she wants it addressed to her and in that exact way because she definitely does love it when Ashley tells her what to do.

"No sex in the champagne room." Sammie orders as she gets up and grabs her things. "Spence, you on call tonight?" The blonde shakes her head as she watches her friend take her time to go. She scowls at her and Sammie just laughs. "Alright relax I got it. Ashley we still on for lunch tomorrow?"

"Yeah tomorrow's good."

Sammie just nods and salutes Chase. "It's been a pleasure Chase glad we had our little…talk."

Ashley and Spencer look at their friends nervously as they share a mischievous grin. They then looked at each other in an attempt to decode if there was a hidden message behind the exchange.

"Pleasure was all mine, we shall commence later this week."

"What are you two going on about?" Spencer asks clearly annoyed with the fact that there is something going on that she doesn't know about. This looks like the house party all over again.

"Don't you worry your pretty little head Otter."

"I'm Otter she's Penguin." Ashley corrects Sammie.

"Yeah and try and use those names again and I'll hurt you." Spencer adds.

Ashley chuckles quietly, it's funny for her to see Spencer so hostile whenever they were together it's usually just the two of them. Random people always tried to grab their attention but to no avail.

"Touchy. She's a feisty one Ash." Chase states as he gets up to walk out with Sammie.

"You better quiet down before I let her loose on you. Now seriously get out."

They don't hesitate to cooperate and quickly leave the couple to themselves. As they make sure the coast is clear Spencer attempts to lean in but her vibrating phone disrupts her advances. She sighs, already knowing who it is. She gets off of Ashley's lap and stands to answer the call.

"Hey…Yeah no I'm sorry I didn't call. I came straight to see Ashley." The photographer watches as Spencer easily talks about her as if their relationship isn't something she wants hidden. The fact that they're spending time together is a higher priority than going home to her fiancé to have a late dinner. "I think I'm just going to stay the night here again. I'll be home after work tomorrow though, we can have dinner then. Sounds good, goodnight. Me too."

Ashley's eyes drift down to the carpet. She knows what that 'me too' is and she's a bit grateful that Spencer doesn't use the words but at the same time the substitute still means something to Scott. She doesn't know how to feel. She feels bad for Scott being on the wrong end but she knows he won't ever love Spencer they way that she does. She feels guilty for making Spencer choose but there's no other way.

"Scott please you know I don't like to say it." Spencer whines into the phone as she quickly grows agitated. "No I'm sorry you know this about me, it's not something I say lightly…I'm not going to say it. I'm sorry. Goodnight."

Once the call is ended Spencer drops the phone on the coffee table and sighs.

"Everything okay?"

She just shakes her head and shrugs turning to go towards the bedroom. Ashley follows her instantly closing the door behind her just in case Chase returns so he doesn't mistake an open door as an invitation. Spencer begins to undress and Ashley gulps as she watches. Spencer drops her shirt on a nearby chair standing only in jeans and her black lace bra and the photographer is missing the smirk the blonde is wearing.

"You have something for me to sleep in?"

"Do you have to?" Ashley asks in a daze. Spencer laughs as she unbuckles her belt, then unbuttons her jeans. Ashley clenches her stomach to control the want that is building up.

"Probably or else I'm sleeping naked."

Ashley mumbles out a curse word she isn't even sure what it is as the blonde's jeans hang loosely at her hips.

"You're really mean right now you know that right?"

"So I've been told." She disappears in the bathroom and Ashley leans against the door as she regains feelings in her knees. The blonde is going to be the death of her and she knows it.

Steam filters into the room once Spencer opens the door and comes out drying her hair wearing nothing but a towel. The brunette is in front of the computer as she goes over the mock-ups she and Chase took earlier that day. Spencer notices that her best friend is too enthralled in her work to notice her presence so she takes the opportunity to get dressed in the room. In all their years they've never seen each other naked and the thought of Ashley naked quickly raised the temperature of Spencer's body. Spencer puts on Ashley's clothes and as the brunette's shirt goes over Spencer's head she smiles as the scent of Ashley surrounds her. She inhales deeply then pulls the shirt the rest of the way.

She crawls onto the bed next to Ashley and places a soft kiss to her cheek. The brunette just grunts then quickly turns her face and kisses the air to reciprocate the gesture then goes back to her computer. Spencer giggles rolling her eyes as she gets comfortable in bed. She lies with her hands on her stomach and she thinks back to her conversation with Scott. He doesn't really pressure her to tell him that she loves him but this time he seemed to have needed to hear it more than before. Maybe he knows? She hasn't been discreet about anything but nothing has been overly telling either. Sighing heavily she thinks about what to tell him. How to tell him, what does she say? 'Hey Scott, sorry I don't want to marry you I'm in love with my best friend and I didn't even know it?' or 'Hey about this whole wedding thing, it's not happening because I'd rather be with my best friend, I only just figured it out.' Nothing seems right.

She brushes her fingers over her bare ring finger. They never really picked one out. He had one when he asked but it didn't fit. How ironic. The ring didn't fit and neither did they. They never got a chance to go and pick out another one. She did however keep the one he gave her, safe in the drawer of her nightstand, still in the black velvet box.

"I feel you thinking over there." Ashley mumbles as she scans through another set of photos. "Want to tell me about it?"

"No…"Spencer says sheepishly and makes the mistake of looking into Ashley's eyes. "Yes…" Ashley chuckles then closes her laptop setting it aside before she lies on her side motioning for Spencer to come closer. The blonde makes the move without a second thought and buries her face in Ashley's neck. Spencer places a soft kiss at the base of her neck and feels the vibrations in the brunette's throat as she moans.

"What's the matter Penguin?"

"I don't know what to tell him, how to tell him." She feels Ashley tense up and cures this with another soft kiss. "Don't mistake my lack of knowing how to break up with him with me trying to back out." Ashley relaxes and wraps her arms around the blonde's waist.

"Well just tell him how you feel about him, how you feel about me, there's not going to be a magical phrase that's going to make this easy on you or him." Ashley keeps quiet for a moment as she musters up the courage to ask "Do you feel guilty?"

The silence is deafening as she waits for the woman in her arms to answer.

"I feel guilty for hurting him…but not loving you. I don't feel guilty choosing you…Should I?"

Ashley shrugs. "We can't feel guilty for how we feel. Emotions, like a lot of other things are out of our control. Our choices are things we can control and you should choose what makes you the happiest."

"You'll always be my first choice."

Ashley's heart melts and she leans down to kiss the blonde. "I love you."

"I love you too." Spencer responds easily and Ashley's brows furrow, the blonde smiles softly as she knows the question percolating in Ashley's mind. "I don't say it to Scott or anyone else because it doesn't feel right if it's not you. My 'I love yous' are only meant for you."

Ashley captures Spencer's lips in another kiss. Showing her appreciation for her words, it's slow and smooth. They deepen it, sliding warm tongues into each other's mouths and Spencer moans in delight. She moans louder as Ashley tops her sliding a leg between hers. Her thoughts from earlier replay in her mind and she begins to rock her hips. Ashley groans as she breaks the kiss.

"I'm not sleeping with you until you're only mine."

Her chest heaves as she catches her breath. She nods in agreement and buries her hand in Ashley's hair connecting their lips for a quick kiss.

"You're right. I'm sorry…"

"Don't be…just save those thoughts for when it's just me and you."

"So I can't even think about them?" She asks with a pout.

Ashley nods sliding her hand under the shirt she leant Spencer. "You can think about them all you want we're just not acting on it yet."

"Okay." She says and closes her eyes, she moans at the images in her mind.

"Hey! No fair I wanna know too."

Spencer opens her eyes smirking. "I can't act on it yet, you'll have to wait."

"Evil."

"It'll be worth it."

"And you'll be addicted me and you'll be all mine."

"I'm already both."

"Promise?" Spencer nods at the question. "Forever?" She nods again. "I'll make you sign a contract stating so."

"You can even laminate it if you want." Ashley laughs softly as she settles herself back on the bed, her arms still wrapped around the blonde. "Just tell me where to sign."


	14. Dear Scott,

**Okaaaaaay so I'm sorry. I know that doesn't make up for the extremely long time I've been away but seriously I couldn't help it. It's just life never slows down you know. As some of you have guessed this story is coming to a close. We're seven chapters away from the end maybe I'll throw in a few letters here and there we'll see. I hope you all like this chapter I enjoyed writing it, I love pushing myself to write a way I don't always write. I just want to thank everyone for your reviews and continuing to favorite and follow the response to this has been amazing and though it's hard work I have been enjoying seeing the results. **

**A quick thank you to my beta I seriously...i don't know what I'd do without you looking over this story I'm sure it'd be awful cause I hate proofreading my own work. So thank you. **

**Enjoy and let me know what you think! Thanks a lot. **

* * *

**Dear Scott,**

"You're going to be at the hospital today?" Spencer asks as she changes her clothes. Ashley pouts as the blonde pulls her shirt over her head.

"Yeah, Sam invited me to lunch."

"Hm she must not like you very much if she invited you to eat the hospital food I'm pretty sure I warned you about that."

Ashley laughs as Spencer crawls back onto the bed and kneels in front of her. "You did but you did mention they have some amazing tapioca pudding."

The blonde grunts in acknowledgement. "That they do…" She gets quiet and Ashley wraps her hand around Spencer's arm effectively pulling her down on top of her. Spencer sighs as she lets Ashley hold her.

"You want to tell me what's on your mind?"

Ashley's heart pounds as she expects to hear the blonde refer to breaking things off with Scott.

"I don't have to worry about Sammie do I?" Spencer lifts her head and bites her bottom lip nervously. Her brows furrow with worry and Ashley can't help but smile at how cute her best friend looks.

"Because she invited me to lunch?" Spencer groans as if the question alone causes her pain. Shaking her head Ashley gently squeezes Spencer's body. "Yes you should worry because I've been in love with Samantha for the past…" Ashley pretends to think making the blonde pout even more. "Seriously?"

"Yes." Spencer exclaims in the whiniest voice she can muster up. "I just…she can get what she wants pretty much all the time…kinda like you."

The photographer pops her eyebrows up once and smirks. "Well everything I want is right here. You don't have to worry about Sammie…she really loves you."

"I know but she loves women more." Spencer answers with a small laugh. Ashley shakes her head.

"No she called you her best friend." Spencer's brows rise at the information, they were close but the status of their relationship was never really discussed.

They were always just Spencer and Sammie, pretty inseparable when it came to work; they had an instant connection on their first day. Not once though have they ever talked about what they were to each other. The reason was probably because whenever the discussion came up Spencer always made a comment that no one could ever replace Ashley but now Ashley is about to become so much more than a best friend. Spencer thinks about the redhead for a minute and smiles, besides Ashley, Sammie really is the perfect best friend. Except the whole trying to sleep with her girlfriend kind of thing.

"Well she's mine too…"

"And what am I?" Ashley asks in faux anger. Spencer leans down and kisses her quickly.

"The love of my life."

The brunette swoons and shakes her head as Spencer pushes herself up and grabs her shoes. Getting up and placing her legs on either side of the surgeon Ashley gently kisses Spencer's neck.

"So how are you doing?"

"In regards to…" She leaves the statement open for the brunette to fill in.

"Your talk with Scott."

With a gentle shrug of her shoulders Spencer keeps her gaze on her shoes as she slips them on. "I mean I'm about to tell someone I'd rather be with someone else I can't imagine that I should be feeling anything good."

Ashley remains quiet allowing her silence to give Spencer a chance to vent whatever she needs to vent. The hard part about being a best friend and wanting to be the girlfriend hearing things that a girlfriend wouldn't normally hear. Giving advice that one may not necessarily want to give hoping that they'll still want to choose you in the end.

"I don't know how I feel to be honest. I just know I have to do what's right…" Spencer finally turns her head and looks into brown eyes. "For all of us."

Ashley just nods sucking her bottom lip into her mouth and letting it slowly slide out. "I just…I don't know what to say I hate that I'm making you choose. A part of me feels like you're choosing me…because it's me."

Spencer's forehead creases as she tries to decipher what Ashley can mean. Standing up and slipping her phone into her pocket and grabbing her keys. She tosses her hair up in a messy bun.

"I am choosing you because it's you…I don't get what you're saying."

Ashley leans back onto her elbows tucking her legs underneath her. "I mean, you're choosing me because you want to be with me not because you're afraid of losing me…right?"

"What'd I tell you about second-guessing my feelings for you."

"I'm not second-guessing your feelings. I'm second guessing your motivation for action…because you won't. Lose me I mean."

"Good to know." Spencer says and flashes a quick smile. "I've got to go. I still need to stop by my place and get some things ready because after I talk to Scott I'm coming straight here. I don't want to go to work every day in the same clothes even if I do change out of them."

"So you're just going to ignore my question?"

"Yes." She answers quickly and kisses Ashley on the head before standing up and making her way towards the door.

"Penguin!"

Spencer laughs as she wiggles her fingers opening the door and walking out. She leaves the hotel room and the peace she feels when she's with Ashley quickly leaves her. Her heart races with every step she takes. She gets into the elevator and her palms begin to sweat. All the other guys she's left before, she's never had this reaction they were always easy and leaving Scott isn't what's making her nervous it's what she's gaining. As she steps out of the elevator as if on cue her phone rings she pulls it from her pocket and her body relaxes.

"You are the most beautiful person I know inside and out and I will always love you no matter what." Ashley's voice filters through the receiver and Spencer sighs in appreciation at the comfort her voice and her words bring.

"How'd you know I needed you?"

"Because I know you. What kind of question is that?"

Spencer smiles as her nerves settle down enough to erupt in a set of soft giggles.

"I apologize. I appreciate you checking up on me."

"Stop sounding ridiculous Penguin, like I'm this neighbor that you don't really talk to and just feel the need to thank to be polite after having this awkward and mundane conversation."

"You can't see me but I'm pouting."

Spencer exits the hotel and straddles her motorcycle. She can't help the smirk that spreads across her lips as Ashley's husky chuckle filters into her ear.

"Well save it and I'll kiss it away later. You want to grab dinner tonight maybe outside of the room?"

Spencer raises the volume of her voice as she starts the engine of her motorcycle and revs it a couple of times. She releases the throttle and situates herself.

"That sounds extremely appealing but I'd rather just curl against you tonight if that's alright."

"More than alright, we'll just order in. I'll let you go."

"I love you."

Ashley groans at the three words and the sound makes the blonde bite her lip. The effect that she has on the brunette is still a surprise to her.

"I love you too, got to go. Thank you again."

They say their goodbyes and Spencer kicks the stand of her motorcycle up and slips her helmet on. As she slips her helmet on she focuses on her destination and what will happen once she arrives.

Before she realizes it Spencer pulls up in front of her apartment, she sighs as she removes her helmet blowing stray blonde hairs from her face. She dismounts her bike and tucks her helmet under her arm. One monologue after the other plays in her head as she gets closer to the door. It's half past five so Scott will already be up. She approaches the front door of her apartment, her heart pounds with every turn of her key as she unlocks the door. The pain of her heart constricting as fear engulfs her. Her hand falls from the door and she closes her eyes giving herself a mini pep talk. With a quick breath out she grabs the door knob and enters her place. It's quiet, not that there is anything unusual about that. What is she expecting, someone to pop out of nowhere and brand her 'cheater'? She sighs in relief as the prior thought had not occurred. As she walks further into the apartment setting her helmet on the armchair of her sofa.

"Scott?" She calls out as she walks towards the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. She opens the fridge and grabs the closest bottle and twists it open. She drinks with fervor, her eyes close with pleasure as the cool liquid quenches her dry throat. The refreshing feeling is welcome as her nerves annoyingly bounce around inside her. She sighs in satisfaction and turns around, she drops her water bottle on the ground. The contents spill everywhere. She's too frozen in her spot to react. Her mouth hangs open and her eyes tear up as they try to keep themselves from drying out. Spencer isn't blinking and Scott chuckles softly as he holds a new ring up in the air as he kneels on one knee.

"Well I'm glad I can still get that reaction seeing as we're already engaged."

An incoherent noise makes its way out of Spencer's mouth. It's a mixture between a squeak and a guttural moan. Scott raises his brows as well as he raises the ring higher just in case Spencer isn't aware that it's in his hand.

"Uh Spence, my knee is kinda hurting now."

She just shakes her head hoping that will jumpstart her brain to form some combination of words that will tell Scott that she can't accept the ring. They don't come though and he just stands up and walks over to her taking her hand and slipping the diamond on the ring finger of her left hand. She continues to talk in her newly developed squawking language as she tries to speak. The ring slips on easily and the grey-eyed man smiles proudly.

"Finally got the right size. I got it last night. I've been talking with a jeweler and he said that this would look beautiful on your hand and be a great fit seeing as the other was a bit big…"

Scott continues but his fiancée is looking at him as if he is speaking some other language and not the squawking one Spencer seems to be so fluent in as of late.

"I don't need to ask again do I?" He asks with a sweet smile and Spencer's throat closes up as she tries not to cry at the thought of hurting this sweet guy. She's not usually sensitive to people's feelings. Ever since she was small expressing her feelings was an easy feat. Hurting Scott though is like kicking a puppy. A really cute puppy, with only three legs, the two back ones in those doggy wheelchairs, and it's wearing an eye patch. It's just plain mean. He doesn't deserve the heartbreak but Spencer knows it needs to be done. Whether she realized it now or years ago Ashley is the only one she wants to be with, the only one she ever wanted to be with.

Spencer's phone goes off and breaks the trance that she's lost herself in. Scott groans playfully.

"Duty calls." He kisses her still open mouth and goes to clean up the spilled water that Spencer completely forgot she dropped. "So babe how about we grab some dinner tonight to celebrate?"

Another blare of her phone gets her out of answering. She just dashes out of the kitchen grabbing her helmet, slams it on her head as she straddles her bike and rides away from her fiancé. The scene still follows her no matter how hard she turns the gas of her bike. Everything she went there to do doesn't get accomplished and now she's got this ring on her finger and it's burning her. Her phone continues to go off and she sighs releasing all the tension of her personal life as she focuses on whatever may be going on at the hospital.

She quickly gets off her bike and jogs towards the hospital and as if she and Sammie were in sync she sees her best friend jogging next to her as they rush into the hospital.

"Look at you in the same clothes?" The redhead starts with a smirk. The blonde just smiles as they rush through the lobby and opt for the stairs.

"Yeah well, haven't slept at my place since Ashley's been here."

"Mhm and how's that going?" Sammie asks curiously as they both skip two steps at a time. They turn to trek up the next flight.

"Well I wish I had an answer. I'd say great but it's not because I'm sucking at doing the only thing that I need to do."

"Leaving Scott." Sam points out unnecessarily and Spencer just grunts as she grabs the railing and turns onto the next flight of stairs. Sammie keeps up easily. "I mean I get it but Spence who would you rather hurt?"

"No one!" Spencer squeaks out.

"Yeah but I mean someone is going to so it's got to be…" Sammie looks down as Spencer grips the inside of her helmet making sure it doesn't slip from her grasp. "What the hell is that?!"

Spencer groans and tries to hide her newest engagement ring. Her fellow surgeon rips the helmet from her hands and stops her so she can examine the ring.

"My goodness."

Spencer pulls her hand away and turns around walking up the stairs backwards momentarily to say "It's not a big deal."

"Spencer to him it is."

"Stop okay!"

"No!" Sammie's outburst makes Spencer jump. "I love you to death and it's so annoying to see you mope around for five days out of the week only to be happy for one, the days you get your letters. What are you doing? Why are you prolonging a pain that is inevitably going to come? You're not being nicer because you're lying longer. She's so good for you, I really like her. She's everything you say she is and I haven't even gotten to spend that much time with her and I want what's best for you. My God Spencer get your shit together. Stop stringing both of them along and be the aggressive Spencer I know cause this one is pathetic."

Spencer glares at her friend and Sammie just shakes her head walking past her. The blonde looks down at her hand and sighs. She knows her friend is right, there's no counterargument for this. It needs to be done and she can't wait any longer.

Spencer enters the locker room and walks towards her locker. Sammie is pulling her scrubs over head and once she has her shirt on the blonde wraps her arms around the redhead. She's momentarily caught off guard but relinquishes any grudge she was trying to hold on to as she hugs the blonde back.

"I hate you." Sammie mumbles.

"Thank you for being a pain in the ass."

"I'm going to need the two of you stop all this bonding, we have fifteen victims from a burning building and your hugs aren't going to save lives!" They both jump apart as their resident shouts and Sammie scurries out of the locker room. Spencer slips her helmet in her locker and starts to pull her top off. "Congratulations Carlin."

Spencer looks at her resident confused. "I'm sorry."

"You're engagement ring, congratulations."

"Oh…thanks but I'm not." She says as she thumbs the ring.

"Well whatever kind of ring it is don't forget to take it off." With that she leaves the blonde to get changed.

Spencer nods as she pulls the ring off and places it in her locker on top of the room key she acquired for Ashley's hotel room, she takes a final look at both items then slams her locker shut and throws on her scrubs. This is going to be one hell of a day.

Ashley walks into the hospital and enters the lobby. She texts Samantha to announce her arrival and grabs a seat on one of the chairs by a window. Resting her ankle on the other she fusses with the hem of her jeans.

"Hey sexy." The brunette smiles as she looks up at her tour guide. "Fancy seeing you here."

"Well I know you can't get enough of me so…"

The photographer stands up brushing away imaginary dust from her jeans. She leans in to give a kiss on the cheek of the redhead.

"I don't know who's been lying to you."

Ashley grunts. "My mistake."

The surgeon nods her head in the direction for Ashley to follow her in and the brunette does so obediently. "Why aren't you in surgery?"

"I had a lame one. I think our resident has the hots for Spencer because…hold on one sec," Ashley watches as Sammie leans over the edge of the front desk, her red hair falling smoothly over her shoulders. "Maggie, how are you today?"

Ashley watches Sammie intently knowing full well what the girl is up to having used this card herself many times. Maggie blushes and places a fist under her chin looking up at the redhead.

"I'm better now that you're here. I thought you forgot about me for a minute."

Sammie gasps in faux offense. She places a hand over her chest to keep up with her façade that the woman at the reception desk is clearly buying.

"I would never, how could I forget that time that you did…"

The girl quickly puts her hands up and frantically shushes Samantha. Ashley covers her mouth hiding her chuckle. Maggie readjusts herself in her seat her efforts to quiet Samantha's reveal causing her to practically fall out of it.

"What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom." She says as her eyes shift surreptitiously to see if anyone had overheard. Ashley bites her lip fighting off a giggle at the sight of a blushing Maggie. Sammie twists her face as she recalls the tryst.

"I'm pretty sure we didn't make it to the bedroom it was more like the—"

Maggie's eyes widen and Ashley can no longer hold back her laughter, she quickly walks away trying to avoid embarrassing the girl further. Seconds later Sammie walks over to Ashley handing her a pass that reads 'ALL ACCESS'.

"You're so cruel." Ashley tells her new friend with a smile clipping the badge onto her shirt. The photographer follows the surgeon towards the elevator and chuckles when Sammie makes a noise signifying how little she cares.

They both enter the elevator and the redhead picks up the conversation exactly where she left it earlier. "Anyway like I was saying our resident totally has a thing for your girl, she's been making Spence go on her service for the longest time. So I better watch out if I were you." Sammie adds with a wink before exiting the elevator once it opens up on the surgical floor.

Ashley's eyes quickly take in her surroundings as she follows Sammie through the halls of the hospital. Nurses rushing in and out of rooms, family members talking to doctors, some of them hugging doctors while others yell at their lack of competence. Ashley manages to keep up with Samantha's quick feet and they walk through a set of doors and everything becomes quiet. It's as if all the commotion going on, on the other side of the doors wasn't happening.

They walk into the gallery and take a seat. The room is fairly empty since most surgeons were either in surgery or just finishing up. Ashley sits at the edge of her seat as she searches for Spencer. She follows Sammie's extended arm as she points out the blonde. Her scrub cap making her blend in with the rest of surgeons.

Ashley smiles as she sees Spencer's hand buried in a patient as she assists her resident. She smiles with pride and her eyes shoot open as blood shoots out and the surgeons quickly hurry to fix the problem. Spencer moves with ease like it was second nature. Ashley's heart races as she looks on nervously. When things calm down, the resident holds her hands in midair and begins to ask Spencer questions which she answers perfectly as she does the procedure. The tiny resident nods once and Spencer pulls her hand out from the male on the table.

"Well, look at that they're letting her fly solo for the end of the surgery."

"What kind of surgery was it?" Ashley asks never taking her eyes off her girl.

"Guy had an axe in his chest, he opened up a door in haste as the fireman swung to break it open. She must've been sewing the internal injuries. There must have been tearing from the removal of the axe and a misplaced hand causing the blood to shoot out earlier. Kind of like keeping a hose pinched and when you straighten it out all the excess water shoots out. There was probably a hole they didn't catch but Spence got it. She always does."

"She your work wife?" Ashley asks with a light laugh and Sammie nods vigorously. "Don't blame you, she's hot when she takes control."

Sammie grunts in agreement and leans back into her seat as Spencer begins to close up the patient.

"So I need to talk to you."

Ashley's eyes narrow as she takes them away from Spencer in her element. She focuses on the redhead resting her arm on the top of her seat. She gives the redhead her full attention.

"So I mean I know you're Spencer's best friend and all and you'll understand where I'm coming from…" Ashley tilts her head as she tries to decode Sammie's cryptic monologue. She just nods encouraging the surgeon to continue. "So when I tell you what I'm about to tell you don't judge me. Okay?"

The photographer's brows furrow in confusion as she awaits what her new friend is bucking up the courage to say.

"Yeah okay."

Sammie clears her throat and looks Ashley straight into her eyes.

"You hurt that girl I will destroy you and make it look like an accident I know my way around a knife so I hope you'll heed my words wisely."

Ashley just smirks not batting a lash and nods in understanding. "No worries, she's in good hands."

"Oh I wasn't worried I'm saying if the event were to arise just for you to remember what I do for a living." Ashley closes her eyes and bows her head in respect to Sammie and her request. "Glad we're on the same page. Look she's done."

They both turn their attention back onto the finished surgery and watch as Spencer leaves the OR into the prep room to wash. Sammie instructs the brunette to exit the gallery in order to meet the blonde in the hallway.

Several minutes of silent waiting later Spencer comes out and her mouth shoots into an even bigger smile at the sight of her soon-to-be girlfriend. She skips toward the photographer and leaps into her arms. She hugs her tightly and moans at the soft kiss on her neck that Ashley gives her.

"Yeah just ignore me." Sammie says offended.

Spencer smirks as she laces her fingers with Ashley. "Okay." She pulls Ashley away then effectively bumps into another person.

"I'm so sorry." Spencer quickly apologizes never letting go of Ashley hand and her eyes widen as she notices her resident.

The small woman looks at her intern with risen eyebrows and puts a hand on her hip. She dismisses the younger surgeon's apology and looks at Ashley, sizing her up. Her head moves upwards as she starts from the bottom up and Ashley averts her eyes towards her two friends nervously.

"So is this the person you're _not_ engaged to?"

Ashley turns to look at her soon-to-be girlfriend curiosity displayed all over her face. Spencer stammers as she tries to figure out just how to introduce the brunette.

"This is..." Ashley smiles and her eyes get wide as she watches Spencer struggle for an answer. She chuckles slightly as Sammie stands behind them exacerbating the situation as she prods with the follow-up question.

"Yeah Spence who is Ashley to you?"

Spencer snaps her head at her best friend and growls quietly. Sammie giggles as she continues to watch the scene unfold.

"Ashley is my girlfriend, Ashley this is my resident Dr. Wallace."

Ashley stares at the blonde surprised at the answer, her heart melts as blue eyes stare lovingly into hers. Neither girl notices the proud smirk on Sammie's face as she backs away to give them a moment to deal with situation. Dr. Wallace's face drops for a millisecond then turns stony again.

"Well it's nice to meet you, Carlin nice job today."

"Thank you ma'am." She quickly replies and watches as Dr. Wallace walks away.

"By the way it's a beautiful ring Ashley." She shouts over her shoulder and Spencer face falls in horror.

Ashley jerks her head back as if the words knock the wind out of her. She slowly turns her head towards the blonde whose mouth is agape eyes slightly falling out of their sockets as she watches her resident walk away.

"What's she talking about Spencer?"

Spencer visibly swallows as she tries to explain. She gently scratches her forehead looking down at her sneakers. When she hears her best friend clear her throat she looks up with a timid expression.

"Why is she complimenting you on a ring that I haven't bought you yet?"

Spencer bites her bottom lip as she fights off a smile. "Yet?" She asks shyly Ashley groans and points a stern finger.

"Don't change the subject."

"Scott found me a ring that fits and asked me to marry him…again."

"And you said no right?"

"I didn't get that far."

The photographer purses her lips, nods once and walks around the blonde and walks in the direction that she came in with Sammie earlier.

"Ashley…" Spencer whines out as she chases after the brunette, easily connecting their hands and tugging gently. Ashley stops in her tracks. "I swear it's over okay. I was going to talk to him about it this morning and then he proposed and when I tried to speak nothing was coming out."

Ashley looks at her pen pal with a bored expression. Spencer pouts and the brunette scoffs shaking her head. She releases the surgeon's hand and begins to walk again. She presses the button for the elevator and she feels an arm around her shoulder. She looks at the man and shakes her head with a small smile.

"Ashley my dear will you be joining my friends and me for lunch today?"

"Actually I was just about to leave." She corrects as she points towards the elevator.

"I think you should join us for to experience amazing hospital cuisine." Mavis appears on her other side and places his arm on top of Evan's letting it dangle on Ashley's other shoulder. She snorts out a laugh.

"Did Sammie put you guys up to this?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Sammie claims as she comes up behind all three of them placing her arms around Ashley's waist and resting her chin on both arms of the boys.

"You guys don't understand the concept of personal space do you?"

"No." All three answer at once.

"Will you three leave her alone?" Spencer orders and all the grips become tighter around the small brunette.

"No we wanna keep her." Mavis whines out and the elevator dings. They all waddle into the lift and Spencer enters in behind them.

"Well, I wanna keep her too but you don't see me suffocating her do you?"

"Maybe you just don't realize she's the kind of person you don't want to let go of. We're just showing you how to hold on to the perfect woman." Evans says nonchalantly.

Ashley smirks at the intern's choice of words. Someone definitely wrote them a script. That thought dawns on Spencer as well as she glares at the redhead who is staring at the glowing numbers in the elevator with determination.

"Shut your face Evan." She then looks at a clearly amused Ashley and she sighs getting closer towards the brunette. She places her hands on either side of her girlfriend's face. "You are the love of my life and I'm not letting you go, no matter what it takes to keep you I will do what I have to."

Ashley smiles softly and closes her eyes as Spencer leans in for a kiss but the catcalls from the group ruins the moment. Spencer rolls her eyes and takes a step back. She mumbles out a 'later' and Ashley just nods.

The group releases the photographer long enough for her to sit and have a quick lunch with them before they were paged. All three except Spencer leave the table leaving the couple alone. Ashley drinks her water and pulls the bottle away from her lips with a dopey grin as she looks at Spencer confused.

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

"You said yet." Spencer says with a wide smile. The brunette's brows furrow as she tries to figure what the woman across from her is referring to. "You asked 'Why is she complimenting you on a ring that I haven't bought you yet?' You said yet."

"Yup." Ashley says with a smirk. "What about it?"

"Did you say that on purpose?"

"I don't tell you things by accident."She answers with a chuckle.

"You know what I mean."

"As do you, don't act like you don't."

Spencer blushes and bows her head down. Ashley's phone goes off and she answers the call signaling to the blonde that she'll be a moment.

"Davies…hey Bruce how's it going?"

Spencer watches the brunette as she engages with the person on the other line. She leans back in her chair and reflects back on the situation from this morning. Thinking about Ashley in Scott's place this morning, she shakes her head as she wonders how they got there so quickly. Just three days ago they were best friends seeing each other on an annual visit. Now girlfriends? The thought appeals to the blonde as she disregards how quickly things were occurring because honestly this had been a slow process up until now. When you know you're supposed to be with someone, when the relationship is so natural, when you know each other as well as you do the amount of time doesn't matter. Sure they have history to back it up but history isn't what made them, they made them and their relationship is whatever they want it to be.

"That's definitely something I'd be interested in however at this present point in time it's not something I can be a part of…Bruce. The numbers are extremely flattering but they aren't enough."

Spencer wrings her hands together as she hears snippets of Ashley's conversation.

"I've got my reasons Bruce." Ashley laughs with gusto and Spencer smiles as she watches the brunette. "Nothing like that I just…I finally have a reason to settle down, give me a call when you've got something that doesn't involve me being away so long. Yeah you too."

Ashley ends the call dropping her phone onto the table and reaches her hand across to link her hand with Spencer's. She squeezes gently and the surgeon looks at her shyly.

"Do you regret turning down another job?"

"Not at all."

"Photography is your life though." Spencer states knowingly.

Ashley just shakes her head. "No you are, photography is something I'm passionate about but if we're going to make this work I can't be gone for five months chasing the Northern Lights. That's what that call was. Bruce wanted me to go to the top ten spots where they are most visible. Alaska, Denmark, Scotland, Greenland, Canada, Finland, Sweden, Russia, Iceland are all places that don't have you so for now every job is time away from you. I think I've had enough time from you for quite some time."

"Otter I don't want you to choose me over your work if you want to go."

"I know and I'm not. I honestly don't want to go right now. I don't want to be away from you. I spent years away from you and I've got a lot of catching up to do. Now give me a kiss so I can leave you to save more lives."

She leans over the table capturing the brunette's lips into a soft kiss. Once they break the kiss Ashley brushes her nose against Spencer's and gives her a quick peck.

"I love you."

Spencer still blushes every time she hears Ashley say it because now it's more than just a platonic 'I love you'.

"I love you more." Ashley stands up and starts to walk away from her best friend. "Otter!" Ashley quickly snaps her head around. "I'd choose you over work too…just so you know. I'd do anything, go anywhere for you."

Ashley places her hand on her chest as she feels her heart melt. She swallows the lump in her throat and nods. She clears it so she can speak but words aren't forming when she tries. She just mirrors the smile that Spencer is shooting in her direction and walks away.

For the second time that day Spencer's hand hovers over the doorknob of her apartment door. She inhales deeply gathering her courage in order to do what she failed to do that morning. She opens the door and drops her head. Lit candles fill the apartment, her shoulders slump as she closes the door behind her and leans against it for support.

"No…" Scott whines and Spencer smiles softly at how cute he sounds. He's like a little kid. "You're home a lot earlier than I expected. I was just about to run out and grab dinner."

"And leave all these candles lit?"

He places a hand on top of his head as he looks at his handiwork.

"Huh…I hadn't thought of that. It's probably a good thing that you came home early then."

Scott walks over to the tired surgeon with a bottle of wine in his hand. He places a hand on her upper arm giving it a soft squeeze before placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

"Scott…" Spencer starts as she drops her messenger bag and helmet by the door knowing it'll be easier to grab them on her way out.

"Oh I also brought home your favorite dessert from the bakery that you like."

She smiles pathetically as his gesture reminds her of Ashley. The dessert is only her favorite because Ashley made her try it once and since then it's been her favorite. When Ashley got back from her first out of the country excursion all she talked about was Tiramisu. She had the best one in Rome and was determined for the blonde to taste it, too. To a sixteen-year-old rum and coffee didn't sound too appealing but Ashley could get Spencer to do anything, try anything, but not because she forced her to. Ashley just knew Spencer and everything that she would and wouldn't like. The brunette swore that she'd love Tiramisu and since then Parker and Lusseau has been their go-to spot for the dessert.

"That's sweet. Scott…"

"Oh and…" Scott popped the cork out the bottle of the wine he was holding and walks back towards the kitchen. "I also got you this silver chain so you can put your ring around your neck during surgery." He comes back from the kitchen and hands her a velvet box. She opens it and sighs as she sees the first ring already hanging on it.

"I figured why not keep both, right?"

"Scott…" Spencer tries again but he seems to never let her get a word in. She isn't sure if it's nervousness or excitement that keeps him from letting her talk.

"Here let me put it on you."

He takes the necklace from the box and walks behind her. Spencer's hair is already up in a messy bun giving him easy access to link the chain around her neck but before he could put his arms around her Spencer steps forward.

"Scott." She says sternly and turns around, she looks into his grey eyes and he quickly averts them from her blue ones.

"Yeah you're right you're more than capable of putting it on yourself. I know how independent you are. I probably should just go grab dinner since you're here now I don't have to worry about the house catching fire."

He laughs nervously handing the necklace back to Spencer. She gently removes it from his grasp and he grabs his set of keys and points towards the door.

"Scott can you…"

"I'll be back in a bit. I love you." He stares at her and she just closes her eyes and nods.

He nods once and walks towards the door. He stops for a minute as she inhales deeply, his hand hovering over the doorknob. Swallowing thickly he pulls the door open and closes it behind him.

Spencer drops onto the sofa and leans her head back. She gently massages her scalp as she thinks of a way to get Scott to listen. She can't spend the whole night being cut off as he tries to avoid whatever bad news he knew she was going to deliver. She sits straight up as the thought dawns on her. She stands up and gathers her things placing them by the door.

She moves about the apartment blowing out the candles and walks into the kitchen. The only sound was from the pen against the paper as the tip drags against the blank sheet. She sniffles as she thinks about how good he is to her and how he deserves so much better. He always did. She got her better now it's his turn. She pulls off the ring and drops it into the envelope. She licks it closed and places it against the bottle of wine that he left to breathe.

She taps her fingers on the counter as she looks at his name that's scrawled in her messy doctor handwriting on the front. How quickly things have changed as she thinks about this being the first time she's ever written a letter to someone that wasn't Ashley. Scott has spent so long trying to read a letter from Ashley but now he has a letter of his own to read. Spencer grabs her keys and she grabs her things, she closes the door behind her and the apartment remains silent with a few exceptions.

The ticking from that analog clock that neither of them stood in front of long enough to read the time. The dripping from the faucet that the maintenance man always swore he fixed. The sound from the television next door as the obnoxious neighbor spends all his time playing Call of Duty at an extremely high volume. Headlights momentarily fill the dark apartment as cars pass by. Along with the rest of the white noise a sound of jingling keys join in as they dance in Scott's hand. He unlocks the door and sighs in defeat as the darkness of the apartment swallows him in from the dimly lit streets.

He places the food on the coffee table not needing to turn on any lights. He knew the layout of the apartment like the back of his hand, the sounds of his heavy footsteps hitting the wooden floor fill the room. The flick of the light switch in the kitchen echoes along with the dripping faucet. Scott's heart drops as he sees the letter against the bottle of wine that he left out. He hesitates to grab it but finds that his curiosity gets the better of him. He opens the letter, sliding his finger across the top of the envelope. He feels the ring inside and he closes his eyes, shaking his head.

He pulls out the sheet of paper and unfolds it.

_Dear Scott,_

_ I can't recall ever writing a letter to anyone else other than my pen pal. I think over the years I've discovered this to be the most effective way for me to express myself and be clear on what I mean to say. I know this way may seem cold and distant but for me this is the most intimate way for me to talk to you. You are such a great man, and I am so lucky to have been loved by you. Being with you has been a time that will always mean something to me. With that being said I need to tell you that as amazing as you are I can't marry you. _

_ It won't be fair to you because I've realized something that I should've realized a long time ago. Something that has always been in front of me but I was too stupid to notice. I never meant to hurt you, please believe that. I do love you, I care about you so much I'm just…not in love with you the way I should be. You deserve someone who loves you the way you ought to be loved. I know there are no words of comfort that will fix any of this for you and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you but lying to you about how I truly feel would have been an injustice to what love really is. I know I don't have to tell you, you already know. You have probably known before I did but knowing you, you'll need me to say it or in this case write it. _

_ I'm deeply in love with Ashley. I've always been but her confession of how she felt for me this past weekend allowed me to see that it's more than friendship I feel towards her. I won't go into detail because at this point it would do more harm than good. I don't expect you to forgive me or feel anything less than angry with me but I am truly sorry for any hurt that I have caused you. I know it's selfish of me to apologize as if it will make you feel any better but I really am sorry and for what it's worth you are an amazing man and you really did make me feel special, it's not you. I just needed more and with Ashley I don't need at all. I'll be out of the apartment for the rest of the week I know you're going back out of town for work so I'll get the rest of my things then. The apartment is yours if you want it. Again I really am sorry. _

_ Spencer_

The apartment was silent with a few exceptions. The ticking clock, the obnoxious gamer, the leaky faucet, and shattering glass of a wine bottle against the wall.


	15. Letter 402, 403

First and foremost I want to apologize for my sad rendition of a Houdini and disappearing on all of you. It won't happen again and really the fact that you guys did so much to grab my attention I really appreciate that. I think you've made my head bigger than it was. A special thank you InLoveWithSpashley for starting the thread looking for my fic, to yesornope, Woww, Annais81, sweatpea, BeautyLikeFrozenCathedrals, irishjunkie1024, cOmPeLLeDbyLoVE for the PMs sent to me and to other people asking where I was and to that one random guest who posted a review on Tunes of Betrayal asking if the writer knew where I was. That one made me laugh, I am truly flattered by everyone of yours enthusiasm I forgot for a minute why I did this and you all reminded me really quickly and I thank you for that. Good thing this isn't an award show they'd probably start playing the music by now. Thanks so much for your patience it's not an update I know but it's something to tide you over as I write the update because it's gonna be pretty awesome. I hope you enjoy this little tidbit let me hear your thoughts. Special thanks to my beta, for your hard work and your patience with my impatience.

* * *

**Letter # 402**

_Dear Penguin,_

_ So it happened. I'm not going to lie I was a bit nervous but it felt amazing. We took our time and afterwards she told me she loved me. I didn't say it back though I just kissed her. I don't think she noticed though because she just kissed me deeply. I mean I'm not entirely sure that I do. I care about her…enough to take that step. I bet it's different when you're actually in love, magical even but I don't know maybe I'm not capable of falling in love with anyone. Okay I know I'm only eighteen but I mean I haven't even had that puppy love. It's funny though because every girl I'm with gets jealous if I mention you like it's some kind of competition. It's not a competition because no one can beat you. They're afraid I'm in love with you but I mean seriously you've been in my life forever, I think they're just paranoid._

_ Anyway back to telling you about my first time. My parents went away for some conference for dad's job, they reluctantly left me behind. I had to practically kick them out of the house. I don't know why they were so worried I am an angel. Don't roll your eyes…or smirk. So after several promises of no parties they finally left. Fiona spent the weekend with me. We hadn't planned on it but knowing we were spending all that time alone in the house we sort of expected it to happen. Don't laugh at me but I read a ton of tips and stuff online and of course I take care of myself every once in a while because I mean my girlfriend is super hot we just weren't ready but this past weekend we were._

_ I applied everything I had learned online and well it's easier read than done because I didn't know what the heck I was doing. I stopped putting so much pressure on myself and just did to her what I always did to myself and apparently I'm amazing. So moral of the story, test it out on yourself so you're not a total spaz but I mean with a dude I'm sure it's a lot different. Is there a lot you can do with guys cause I mean with Fiona we did a lot…like a lot. I did stuff I didn't even think I could or would do. I really do hope that when you're in love it feels even more amazing because honestly sex alone feels pretty damn good. _

_ Now in your case any dude that touches you I'm laying them out because I'm not ready for a Spencer junior yet and you've got too many plans to have a little minion running around. Besides no one is good enough for you anyways, you should probably just become a nun. I've decided for you, you're going to be a surgical nun I'll send a chastity belt along with this letter. Not the key though, you'll be like Maid Marian in Robinhood Men in Tights at the end of the movie calling for a locksmith. I'm just looking out for you Penguin. Anyway I miss you like crazy, we need to figure out this distance thing because it's really not fitting for our relationship. Love you Penguin._

_ Sincerely Yours,_

_ Otter_

_Dear Otter,_

_ First of all I am not becoming a nun! The attire simply will not do for my figure. Secondly, yes we will figure out this distance thing. I honestly don't even think either of us will ever have a lasting relationship only because I doubt if either of us will find someone who doesn't mind having us as a packaged deal. So I think it'll just be you and me for the rest of our lives. Goodness I don't think I can survive that with how much you complain and brag at eighteen you're going to be even more of a pain in the ass at eighty. God help us all when that day comes. I'm kidding, don't pout. _

_ Well should I break out the champagne for your accomplishment? Fiona seems pretty cool. I don't know too much about her but I mean that's because you never say anything about your girlfriends. I shouldn't speak since I don't ever get into too much detail about who I date. Mostly because there isn't anything worth telling and our letters are too important to waste time with trivial details about people that probably won't be in our lives a year from now. I love how you're automatically writing off all guys for me by the way. I'm never going to lose my virginity if you have anything to say about it, handing out nun cards like you're the pope. _

_ You're going to have to be a bit more specific with the details of your night because you've never been vague with me about anything. Do I sense of bit of shyness? My goodness Ashley Davies, shy? I can't believe that the day has come where I would you that word to describe you. So I need details please and thank you. I bet you were amazing, you're amazing at everything else how could you not be at this. I'm glad though your first time wasn't a letdown like most people's, I'm sure though it was because you were involved. Probably shouldn't have said that your head is just going to swell even more. I can't believe though Mama and Papa D let you stay in the house all weekend alone and yet you can't manage to stay out of trouble long enough in order to stay with me for a whole summer. Your charming ass better straighten up because I need to see you for more than a day. _

_ Did you use protection! I'm sure there were tips for that online. Don't get any girls pregnant because if there is anything worse than a little Spencer it's a little Ashley so watch it. If I did ever have a kid you know we're raising it, right? That is going to be one little bad kid if that were to happen. Okay stop with all this future baby talk, I'm getting hives just thinking about it. Come be my cure! Love you Otter. _

_ Sincerely Yours,_

_ Penguin_

**Letter # 403**

_Dear Penguin,_

_ We would raise the best kids in the world! We should just clone ourselves and start our own little country. That way we wouldn't have to deal with people that we don't like and knowing you that probably is an extremely long list. Don't act offended we both know you don't like people. I'll cure you of your hives, be there in five minutes. I shall try my hardest not to impregnate any girls unless that girl is you because let's face it, no other woman is worthy enough to carry my seed…this conversation just got extremely weird. Moving on. _

_ I am NOT shy. I was not being vague but sex is a secret intimate act between two people and I'm simply respecting Fiona by keeping it that way. How hard did you laugh at that one? Okay so she came over, obviously, Friday night and we just did the normal thing hung out and watched a movie. After a while though she started to get fidgety and I'm like what's up with you she just shrugged and looked at me nervously so I made her snuggle into me and we're on my bed already just to give you a geographic point of interest. We're watching Goonies because I mean nothing says romance like that movie. She starts kissing my neck and not that she hadn't done this before but it felt different this time. She made me miss the part when Chunk was freaking out when Sloth got hit in the face with the Baby Ruth bar, you know that's one of my favorite parts. Clearly though Fiona had other plans other than watching the Goonies and I quickly complied. We made out for a while, everything was pretty normal until it was time to take off some clothes. _

_ We were a little shy about it, never having been seen naked by someone else. Of course I didn't tell her about the time we saw each other naked going skinny dipping that one year. No one needs to know that but you and me. So anyway we took our time. I went first cause you know I'm a control freak. I kissed her pretty much everywhere, lips neck, breasts, arms, stomach, her thighs and yeah I totally spent some quality time between her legs. If I wasn't sure I was lesbian before that sure as hell sealed the deal because my goodness the feeling alone of knowing what I was doing to her made her as turned on as she was, was an ego high and one heck of a turn-on for me. She tastes pretty good too. I seriously lucked out with my first time but I was more turned on at the fact of how much I turned her on than anything else she did me. It still felt really good but as I said before I'm sure it's a lot different if you're in love. _

_ I'm sure I'll find someone one day to be in love with and sex will be more than what everyone makes it out to be. Anyway, was that enough detail for you nosey pants? I kid, I kid, you know I wouldn't keep anything from you. So yeah it was amazing but I'm sure it won't be the last time, you know what they say practice makes perfect and you know how much I love to be perfect. Miss you lots, love you Penguin. Be good. _

_ Sincerely Yours, _

_ Otter_

_Dear Otter,_

_ Well sounds way more amazing than my first time. Yes that time has dawned and set…quickly. I know you're not a fan of Brody but we've been together longer than you and Fiona so don't get all judgey on me. I know it seems that I only slept with him because you just sent me a letter about your first time but I swear it wasn't. Me saying that makes it seem like that doesn't it. Okay fine maybe it was…I think I was jealous. You and I have always been on the same playing field with pretty much everything and I know it's childish but the fact that someone touched you so intimately and I didn't reach that point yet didn't sit well with me. I mean I don't regret it you were right it felt good but I'm sure it's a lot better when you're in love. _

_ To be completely honest though I don't know what the big deal is. I mean yeah it felt good but that was it. I'm sure if I did it under the right circumstance and not because I was jealous it would've been better. Only time will tell. Brody however is walking around like he just won the lottery. He'll soon find out that he's lost all his winnings because I don't think I want to sleep with him again. I just want to do it the right way, you probably think less of me don't you. I liked it don't get me wrong but I know I could have better. _

_ I need to stop talking about this because the more I dwell on it the more I seem like that crazy jealous best friend that has to do everything just because her best friend does. I've already reached that point haven't I? Good grief. Anyway I won't bore you too much with the details it wasn't as climactic as yours. Seriously after the pain it started to feel good but before I could fully enjoy anything or reach anything remotely close to an orgasm he was done. I sound so pathetic I don't even want to send this to you but I know when I see you in a few weeks you're going to know something's up so I might as well tell you sooner. I guess I need that special person to crave to make me want it all the time but with Brody there's nothing. I don't know who would be more special than you though so basically I'm screwed. I need a hug, come hold me Otter, the more I talk to you about this the more I realize how foolish I was and I need you to make me feel better. _

_ Can I be any more depressing? Let's not find out so I'll leave you with this. Hopefully when I sleep with someone I'm completely head over heels with them that way it'll be like a new first time because the right emotions are there. Hopefully. Miss you and I love you so much Otter. _

_ Sincerely Yours,_

_ Penguin._


End file.
